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I’m almost embarrassed to post given what horrible things some of you are going through, but after working to separate myself from my SA, I’m now feeling rejected and sad because I know he has a new girlfriend who is going to be spending time with his children when they come. I so loved his kids, it’s hard to imagine someone else comforting his daughter. And it hurts like hell that he can move on so quickly. I guess all those times I felt like he really cared were a lie. Why do I even care? I was the one who broke up with him . . . but I hoped he would see that he needed help and be willing to get help. That didn’t happen. Any perspective is greatly appreciated, although just reading some of your posts about truly terrible situations does help me to “get over myself.’
Love to all my SOS sisters!Hi Helaine,
I don’t think we’ve met before, but I’m really glad to do so now! Thanks for sharing this snapshot of your life. But first lesson, don’t play the compare game. Some people can only share a small glimpse of their lives, and others let it all hang out. We come differently to this wonderful table, and we all come as we are, without conditions!On to your immediate challenge!
Yes, it hurts like hell and of course you feel rejected and too easily replaced. But don’t misunderstand your SA’s new girlfriend as a sign that he’s “moving on”. He’s just starting up the same thing with someone else. Poor woman has no idea and even if you told her, unless she’s been through it before, she won’t believe you anyways. This is not “moving on”. He’s staying the same place. You, yes YOU, are moving on!!!
About his kids—-if you loved them as it sounds, they know it and will never forget it. It must hurt so bad not to be able to enjoy those children still, but don’t confuse that with being easily replaced in their lives. You won’t be. Everything that passed between you is kept in their hearts and yours. Trust that.
Your life will begin again. And I invite you to take this opportunity to grow. It is truly to most satisfying outcome of these SA disasters. Not finding another man, or having the old one get help, but rediscovering and recovering yourself and investing in yourself. Hope lives THERE. Now go get yourself some.
And if he wanted hope, that’s where he had to find it too. Instead he’s found another innocent victim. You can’t fix it.
but I’m really sorry about how badly it hurts. That—we all understand.
hang in there,
d.I understand all too well how you feel Helaine as my SA had already found his new girlfriend before he left!!!
These wonderful ladies helped me see exactly what Diane said – he hasn’t moved on – he’s just transfered his problems to another victim – one who hasn’t sussed him out yet. That’s why they can’t deal with us – because we know the truth and won’t believe their lies any more. They want someone who thinks they are mr wonderful and believes every lie that comes out of their mouths. I struggle so much but try to remind myself that, although they may appear to be ‘the happy couple’ now, that’s only because she doesn’t know the truth and one day that truth will come out and she will be in the situation I’m in now and he’ll just move on to the next one. It’s a conveyor belt and I for one am glad to be off it.lots of love
Bb
xThanks, ladies. I know that is true. He really did seem to have another side and struggle with trying to overcome his addiction and be faithful to me at times, but ultimately he gave in and I believe he does just want someone who looks at him like he’s great because she doesn’t have a clue about his ugly double life. The hardest thing is we work together–met at an old job and after I found a new job he followed me 3 months later. And we’re not normally on the same floor but until the end of the summer we are on the same floor too!
I am going to a prayer retreat this Friday/SAturday to try to cleanse some of the toxicity that he brought into my life/spirit/soul. There are so many wonderful women on this site, I have such a busy schedule that I don’t get on here very much but I’m going to try to do it more often because it always uplifts me.
Thanks again, God bless and have a beautiful Sunday.
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