- This topic has 19 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 4 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
ok. I need to get back to my homework. I have a very dear friend who is a retired lawyer. I asked him earlier in the year for a divorce lawyer recommendation for a “friend” of mine. I went to see who he suggested and he was soon to retire also so he wouldn’t take me. He told me who to see, but my h coached vball with him and he is in our circle of friends, so no way.
long story short the lawyer said 3 things to me:
1. he considered most of my h’s infidelities “dalliances”2. he told me to wait and let my h file, that would be in my best interest. (I was so floored by the dalliances comment I blurred out at this point so does anyone know why this would be in my best interest?)
3. that there is no way my h could touch
my LLC (I own a manufacturing plant that I lease out) or
my cabin (which is on an island in Lake Mi and has been in my family almost 60 years (my h built most of it over the past 28 years =possible hitch)
~these are both things that my dad gave me early to avoid inheritance tax. My h and I helped him with the transfers, this was recommend by my dad’s attorneys and my dad did this because he felt Peter and I had the most solid marriage. 🙁
I am officially out of his will because this is my inheritance.I believe my h is about to be named CIO. There have been hints for the past 6 months. Could that be why the lawyer told me to wait and let him file? (the dork is too busy with his work and dalliances that he will never get around to it? so confused.)
Perhaps I should go back and talk to my good friend who is a retired lawyer. I feel bad because they are dear friends of my h and all my kids, and this is going to hit him like a ton of bricks. But ultimately he would help me ~ he is from my island and knows its my property.
DALLIANCES???? I’m so mad I don’t even know what else to say. I’m so sorry you had to hear that, hadj. I don’t have much in the way of legal advice; hopefully some of the ladies who’ve “been there, done that” will have some practical advice. Meanwhile, I hope that attorney gets on a boat and goes back to the good ‘ol boys club that he came from.
Hadj–
okay. Here’s what I think. forget your “friend.” grrrrrr… no one is to be trusted and the stakes are way too high.
Please go out and find the greediest, slimiest, blood thirstiest, lawyer, you can find, who gets his or her jollies out of RENDERING YOUR FUCKTARD HUSBAND PENNILESS!!!
Dalliances my ass!!!!!!!!!
He has the most gorgeous “filet mignon” (to quote Paul Newman) at home with the sickest pair of legs, I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen quite a few. 😉
And on top of it all… sweet and kind and loving?
He’s scum.
Go for the jugular my dear.
(((hugs))) and love,
L
Heidi,
I heard that in a marriage of any length, everything – no matter whose name is on what, is to be split down the middle…all assets…all debt. Of course, all the details you and h come to an agreement on are all acceptable. For example, if he gives you the house, but you take “x” amount of debt then that is between the two of you. Also, I would not hesitate talking to your lawyer friend…your h caused all this by his selfishness and lack of commitment to your marriage and family. Much love, B.
Whomever files first has the the most control. Especially since whomever files has the option to drop the case at any time which would force the other person to start the process all over again.
So, if your husband filed he could drag it out for two years, costing you lots of time and money, and then drop the case and you would have to start all over.
Any type of agreement can be written between the two parties and as long as they are both in agreement and both sign, then that is what it will be (this doesn’t usually happen, but it can). If both parties do not agree and it is left up to the court to decide, then the standard rules of division and child issues will apply.
Lexie, No matter how much someone may hate what their spouses did the courts will always render a ‘fair’ settlement based on the state laws unless both parties agree otherwise.
JoAnn why on earth did he tell me to wait until my h files? whoa, should have known with the dalliance stance.
I have been considering a separation because I feel like I can’t move when he is around. Thankfully he travels a lot.
Here is my concern. right now he is saying that he is going to give me 50% of his income, 50% of his retirement right now and moving forward. and he said he will not touch my LLC or my cabin because he was there when it was transferred in my name and he knows that we helped convince my dad that this was best for tax proposes. (and it really was, it will help the whole family). When I look at out financial statement, my stuff is where all the value is.
Ok so if he moves out, I know he will take up with someone right away. there is no doubt in my mind. That person will probably know more about divorce that he does, as he is clueless. They may convince him that he is cuckoo for agreeing to what he feels is fair right now.
And, this is sad, but what if my dad passes. My dad has always held my h in the highest of esteems. This is why my h says he wont touch my dads stuff, it would be a betrayal to my dad, the man who was more of a dad to him than his own. Once my dad is gone he may put the screws to me.
I think you are right btrayed, I need to talk to my retired lawyer friend, and involve yet another person in this fucked up world I live in.
JoAnn, I think I also need to put monitoring software on his computer. I know we talked about this before, it is a work computer but never out of his position. Do you think that is risky?
That old coot is an old fashion, good ole boy who reeks like the sexist pig that he is. With friends like that who needs enemies?
If it is a work owned computer you could be liable for a pretty nasty lawsuit as you could be charged with illegally gaining access to corporate information. Putting the monitoring software on a company computer is illegal.
If it is his computer, but one he uses for work, you would have to be alone with it for about 15 minutes if you know a little about following very simple installation instructions or a half an hour if you are really timid about the procedure. It can literally be installed in less than 5 minutes.
If you have any specific questions just ask or write me and I’ll help you all I can.
If he is in agreement about those conditions, which are very generous, I would find a very good attorney and get it in writing right now.
Sharron had installed eblaster and it was picked up by the anti-virus software??? So it may be recognized too?
I always thought it was undetectable, not so i guess.Flora
Ok, I’m no techie, so JoAnn can correct me here, but the eblaster shouldn’t be detectable by anti-virus software. Their tech support is fantastic, by the way, if you have any issues.
oooh I never thought of gaining access to company info. Glad I asked, he is privy to financials, and employee files.
And here he is the director of i.t. and he doesn’t think anyone could tell that he was looking at porn at work. you think he would know…..EBlaster is completely non detectible and invisible to any anti virus programs. The company guarantees it.
Sharron, if you can give me details on that I will contact my rep and give you their advice even though you did not purchase the software through me.
ZG, Your terminology was exactly correct. You are now officially a Junior Techie Geekster!
I have never heard of any anti virus software that had a password. What is the name of your anti virus program? I learn something new every day.
JoAnn,
It’s Trend Micro. It also has parental controls, so maybe that’s why it’s pw protected? I don’t know–that’s defintely where my techie knowledge slams to a halt. Also, I edited my previous post a little out of paranoia. I’m probably extreme, but better to contact tech support than follow Junior Techie Geekster! 😉Oh and hadj, I couldn’t install it on my h’s official work computer either. He has his own computer he uses at work (which he used for his…ahem…”activities”), and then the company computer. At first I was anxious because I couldn’t cover all the bases, but then I realized, if he’s using the work computer for “those” activities, he will be in deep shit, and it will come out at some point. My SA is the type to betray me, but probably not the type to put his almighty-work at jeopardy. I guess thank God for small favors. 😛
I had to log back on and post, because the impact of what I wrote just hit me…that my SA has never, and I don’t think would ever, put his job at jeopardy for his addiction. I guess that’s a good thing for our famiy and our kids. But then I think, well, he was able to DECIDE to put my physical health at risk, as well as my heart and our marriage. What does this say about addiction? damn… 🙁
Okay -Thanks JoAnn. Kapersky popped up on Steve’s computer and said, ” Detected: Not a virus: HEUR:Monitor,Win32.Spector.Gen.” Spectra will not send reports from Internet Explorer, but does send them if he uses Firefox. If you find out anything send it to sapfantz@aol.com-Thanks so much.
Also, in Michigan you can have the divorce papers filed and you can have your divorce finished in about 60 days from filing. Also, you could wait to have him served for a few weeks or maybe a month, if you wanted him to only know about the divorce for one month. Filing with county – serving him the papers – agree and put into writing how assets and debt will be handled – done deal, if he cooperates. Yes, talk to your friend. YOU, YOU, YOU need the support. Again, your h messed up the picture-perfect family.
Also, my father was raised in a rather messed up family. My husband came from a devout (although messed up) Christian family. My h seemed to love God and want to honor Him daily. My father was more like a baby Christian and always looked up to my h and bragged about him to people. When my father found out about my h’s 20 years of marital betrayal, lying, deceit, it was sad. But…those were my h’s choices. My dad really meant very little to him. He betrayed me and my father. Very sad. I don’t cover for my h at all. He made these choices. Much love, b. trayed
Hi Hadj,
I am going through the divorce process right now and every state may vary on their divorce/familiy laws and statutes.I have spent many hrs with my attny in person because for some (?) reason my divorce has become very complicated. Anyway, spent 2 hrs with her this am and threw a few random questions at her while we were working on my case. Shes been a Divorce Lawyer for 25 years and is very highly respected in our city. In her opinion it doesnt matter who files. However, if your h files, then you have the right to ask him to pay for your legal fees which are very, very expensive. That is kinda a benefit because my divorce will likely end up being ALOT of money.
If he files he is the pationer and you are the respondant so you get a period of time to respond to what he and his lawyer proposes. In court, if he files, his lawyer always get to talk first and yours second to the judge. This is kinda nice because then your lawyer has time to taylor her response/augument to the judge. I personally like being the respondant. in my lawyers opinion, one does not have more power than the other.
In our state and she says likely many, but not all, Divorce always trumps a legal separation. Why? Because everyone has the right to ‘due process’. If both parties are in agreement about the terms of the LS (which she says is rare) a divorce can be quite quick.
I have to tell you my exsah was an animal before he made me homeless and now he’s a beast. Often even very agreeable men turn evil and unfortunately it becomes a battle of sorts. Not all however more than you think.
I hope this is helpful. I think the Key is to get the best well respected lawyer you can. I would only use a woman, but thats just me. I love mine!
Love, Nap
NAP-I agree with using a female attorney. I have had experience with two of the thus far, and they are Tiger’s in the courtroom.
- The forum ‘Divorce’ is closed to new topics and replies.