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Hi all,
I’m not reading forums anymore, so I don’t know what has been said or discussed, but I was thinking that I need and want to tell you why I don’t feel safe here….and I don’t, and this is about me, not Ella.I do believe that Ella was treated unfairly by us, I know that she was terribly hurt personally by us ( her husband didn’t care about it), I believe that she was gaslighted by us and blamed by us for the abuse that she took from us. My husband used to do all of those things to me, and I’m never going back there….not as a recipient or a participant.
And none of that is a reason for me to leave the site, I”ll stand up for someone else, but I won’t leave a site that I have loved for them. All of that would be worthy of discussion and I believe in working things out.
I have posted here and shared my thoughts and life and story and pain and hopes with all of you and have been grateful to do so. And I have been a part of yours….. and I have been grateful. And when I think back on this, it was never actually spoken or written anywhere, but I assumed that with a closed site and the nature of our sharing, that what we say on this site stays on this site, and that is a huge part of being comfortable with being myself posting and being vulnerable and open and honest. I knew that anything I said wouldn’t be spoken to my h or my real life friends or my children….unless I did made the decision to do so. And there were plenty of things I posted here that I wouldn’t want anyone else to know or hear, besides you, including my h And having the freedom to tell all of you was so wonderful and so therapeutic, and amazing. I can’t even imagine how therapeutic it was to do so in person, because I got a good taste of that on line here with you and I loved it.
So, if I decide to use my words and my story as a weapon …that’s my choice, it isn’t the right of any woman on the site to do that without my permission. I don’t care if a h is recovering or not, I don’t care if he has a 100 websites and they are all public, I don’t care what he does for a living, I don’t care if some or all of my information is available elsewhere. If I share information on this site and
and I am a sister or become a sister…..in my opinion, that makes the information I share on here off limits to share with anyone else who isn’t a sister on this site, it certainly makes posting any details that were shared on here on a public website…… off limits, it makes contacting my h or any other’s sister’s h…off limits.
And Ella bringing the discussion here was SO appropriate. She tried to resolve it off the site, and the poster was not responsive. She didn’t bring it here to force an apology, she brought it here to say, “I like it here, I want to continue to be here, and I don’t know how to resolve this and feel safe”
And looking at it that way, I thought that was an excellent question for me, it was a good question for all of us.
How do we feel safe when someone else is choosing to use my words and my story with the real people in my life in a way that I wouldn’t choose to do and taking my personal choices about what I share and when I share …away from me?
My response was that I didn’t feel safe anymore and I waited to see what played out. And what I learned is that the site administrator thinks this is okay, and I learned that many of you agree, not all, but many of you. And I respect everyone’s right to that opinion. And what I learned is that Lexie is not sorry she did it, and that implies game on, could happen again.
I can’t respect that, but if that’s the way she feels, then that’s the way she feels. And what I learned is that a sex addict, even a recovering sex addict, is subject to righteous abuse in the opinions of some of you, not al by any means, just by continuing to exist in this world.
I accept that my view of sisterhood and site confidentiality was my view, no one else said that or made promises, and my view was wrong, as it turns out. A “safe” site that we all talked about implies confidentiality and respect to me, but I can accept that I was wrong, that that is just my own definition.
I don’t feel safe here, and i am not able to continue to share my life with all of you, as painful as that is for me to say…. it would feel wrong to me to continue to share yours without having it be a reciprocal relationship.
Thanks for listening:)
MarieDear Marie,
Thank you for sharing. I do understand most of what you said. I feel a little confused, though. I’m guessing you probably don’t want to drag this out, but I would feel better understanding things with full clarity. You talked about this being a closed site…believe me, that’s why I feel safe here too. I don’t discuss what is said with “real” life friends, family, etc..nobody outside of this world. However, the first real “crossing of the line” to the outside world was Ella posting the “Ask an Addict” link here. Would you disagree with that?And I know I welcomed the concept of hearing that viewpoint. I certainly was under no illusions that I was “asking an expert,” so to speak. It was simply that–the viewpoint of an addict. I also don’t think Ella realized what a trigger it could be for others. (I didn’t think of it that way myself either. Hindsight is 20/20.) And while it may not change how safe you feel, ultimately Ella opened that window to the outside world. I think she should at least own some responsibility for that. (This does, in NO way, condone the hurtful post, just to make that very clear.)
That being said, Ella has been helpful to me personally. She has contacted me privately, and it has been in very helpful ways. I strongly do not feel I participated in gaslighting her in any way. I only say this because one of the things I’ve really worked on in the past few months is that I’m a “me” and not a “we”. I know we are a Sisterhood, but we also are individuals. Just as I will no longer take responsiblity for my SA’s actions, I am also learning not to take responsiblity for others’ actions in my life (something that has been easier said than done!) So that’s why I have to say that here. If you disagree, please do respond back. I may also be confused what “gaslighting” is really referring to.
I know you haven’t been reading forums (which is a shame, because there’s been some good stuff out there. I also responded to you in a post about what the retreat REALLY was like. I’m disappointed that you wouldn’t read it after I took the time with my response.) I do hope you read the replies posted to this forum, which I know will be heartfelt.
In any event, I will miss you so much. You have been someone whose opinions I’ve valued more than you can know. You’ve been a role model for a healthy model of the recovery journal. Thank you for all you’ve done.
With much sadness and love,
ZGI don’t understand any of this, as I am sure many, many other sisters don’t either. When would I go into your social circle and tell them about your shared information? How would I acquire your h’s email or phone number? I would never do that, even if I could!!! But I guess you think I might, and many others??? Is that what you think I am like? Wow, you really don’t even know me. I would NEVER tell anyone, even if I could, what you have shared with me…the deepest things in your heart.
It is sad to me that you chose not to read the important things people wrote to you. Your choices show clearly that I never meant ANYTHING to you, and it seems like others did not either. You apologized but care little how you made me or others feel. It is obvious: I am totally invaluable to you…that is certain.
That is NOT what Marie said at all. She did not accuse you of using her information. She is expressing a view about the site’s security and she does NOT feel it is adequate for the depth of information we share? I hear that what she is saying is that JoAnn should have taken a stand against Lexie using information gained on SOS and bringing it to Ella’s husband ad attacking both him and Ella with it. I hear her saying that if the breach of SOS confidentiality was let slide this time…what is to say it will not be let slide another time? She has a very valid point here girls…one that I had not considered previously. We do not know who will join our site BUT we do know that many, many hurt, enraged women will pass through our doors. How many of us didn’t want to kill our husbands at some point? How many of us didn’t fantasize about revenge? Many women DO want to lash out in early days and I think Marie is saying we cannot allow that to happen…that we must have safeguards in place to PREVENT this happening again. That is what I am hearing her saying so I am saying what I hear directly to you. I do NOT want to lose Marie or Nap or anyone. Why the hell cann’t we agree (with JoAnns help) that what is said on SOS STAYS on SOS. What is wrong with that? It is a rule in EVERY 12 step group and every therapeutic relationship? I believe that Lexie will agree with me on this point.This is NOT about what you girls would do. It is about what the standard of confidentiality for the site is? You need to ALL stop taking everything to heart and look at the BIGGER PICTURE. Ella is gone,Nap is not even responding. We have a chance to save Marie and to prevent further conflict an hurt. Lets do it already. This has gone far enough.
Angry but love each and everyone of you!
Karen xxKaren,
I read your forum to Diane, and then went to this post. I am also wishing I had “gotten it sooner.” I have been analyzing this security thing in my brain all day. I think what am realizing, which didn’t hit me before (duh), is that things said in Lexie’s post were things that Ella has only mentioned on here. Lexie, would you agree with that?
And you are right, we have let our emotions really get to us. This HAS been an emotionally-charged situation, and I don’t blame anyone for taking things to heart, myself included. It has been a lot to process. And unfortunately, being able to only pass things back and forth in writing puts a huge handicap on clear communication at times.
You are right; what is said on SOS stays on SOS, and it’s that simple. I’ve already been following that standard, as I’m sure most of us have. How do we ensure that, though? Verbal agreement? Must do some more thinking and ruminating.
With love,
JulieDear Z girl,
Thank God….a voice of reason not emotion.I THINK ( I don’t want to assume) that Marie felt JoAnn should have addressed this differently. I believe she made it clear that she does not agree with what Lexie did BUT that isn’t why she is leaving the site. She is leaving because she assumed that we had that code here and now she does not feel safe herself….NOT in terms of what any of us would or would not do to her but…just in terms of what the actual sanctity of SOS is as a private forum? At first I was not floowing her because I was thinking in terms like JoAnn was…that Ella offered up her contacts here and Lexie used them. BUT I had not focused on the fact that it was info taken from here that was delivered to Ella’s site and I think that is really what Marie is concerned about? Had Lexie limited her contact to Jeoff with what she thought of a non professional delivering advice to others ( as if we all don’t do just that all the time :0) and even told him what she thought of sex addicts in general….then Marie would not have the concerns she has? It is the use of information from SOS to post in another area that she seems to be most upset about. When I looked at it from that perspective…it SUDDENLY dawned on me that this was alot more serious than who said what or who liked who or who started it ect. That is all just high emotion. This is about a basic rule in EVERY therapeutic relationship and every support group. That what is said in that room has to stay in that room? I once attended an alanon meeting (in desperation) and was struck by their advice that if we see a fellow member on the street we were NOT to address them because perhaps their husband or children had no idea they were in Alanon. I guess it is the same thing here and I think that Marie is saying we have to take this seriously and decide what the rule is going o be in SOS. And once I took the people out of the equation and the mistakes I believe BOTH parties made….I saw that there is a much bigger question to be addressed. I am a very open person and I have not concerned myself too much with who sees what BUT I can completely understand that many would be very resistant to say anything at all if they did not feel safe. Many would NOT want their husbands to know what they say here and I understand that. So….I think we need to look at this point as a group and decide what we think is the correct way to go and I am suggesting that perhaps Marie is dead right about this after all…once you remove the emotions and the involved parties from the equation? I am hoping that others will understand what she is trying to say, as I now do.Perfectly. Karen xx
I was truly hoping that we could put this to rest, and I truly hope this will be the last time, I am giving a statement… but…
There is so MUCH misinformation and confusion here. One of the most glaring ones is that I intentionally didn’t contact Ella to straighten this out. That is not true, at all! I was AWAY, in Lafayette, IN without any access to the internet, because I wanted a break from everything, and I had no idea about her emails until Sunday at about 6:00PM. I did write a very kind email, to her apologizing for her hurt and explaining a few things and hoping that she felt good, because she was good… and so forth, about 23 hours later, very early Monday evening.
With the exception of mentioning a family member, there was NOTHING in that email that was taken off of this site. Please read it again. I would never do that! It ALL came from his blog, my view points and my experiences. I do not remember what E said about Jeff; my views came from HIS words– only. Unfortunately, you cannot see that; because all of my sarcastic remarks were based on HIS words, and nothing that Ella ever said on here.
I never heard from Jeff. My comments were meant for Jeff, and ONLY Jeff. I did not attack Ella– ever! I have a right to disagree, with what she is doing, however, and I am appalled at her audacity. I DO believe that she had an agenda on SOS and so do many others, as she WAS soliciting business in PM. I DID attack her husband– absolutely, but NOT because he IS a SA. I attacked him because he is NOT qualified to counsel people and get remunerated for it! It is a dangerous practice! And YES, he has proven, over and over, to ME, by his OWN words and actions what a sick man he truly is!
The post was NEVER published, nor did I expect it to be.
I did it to protect the vulnerable women who might be desperately clutching at the tiniest glimmer of hope that Ella and Jeff can help them, to the tune of $5,000, (for 3 days) including, the liar detector, air fare, hotel, car rental, meals
and for what? To be counseled by a SA with no mental health training? His answers were indicative of someone who had NO idea what he was talking about and his blog sounded like statements he had read out of a book, not how he truly feels. I doubt that he has enough awareness to actually KNOW how he feels.His posts on his caribou blog had phony comments linking back to facebook, yahoo, google, and Bing. I have NO idea what that was all about, but it smacked of something nefarious. (they have since been removed, however).
I did not feel that he had any insights to his illness that indicated ANY kind of recovery, whatsoever. I have been in contact with JoAnn, and she agreed with me– completely. She of course, had nothing to do with my actions.
Ella has also contacted at least one sister, NUMEROUS times, to solicit her, for her services and this was going on for quite some time. The sister shared some of the emails with me, and I was appalled at the lack of professionalism.
Yesterday, I spent at least half the day crying my eyes out, because I was completely distraught over all of this, the loss of Nap– especially and the hurt of so many people I have grown to care and love, very, very much. Nap has been an absolutely incredible friend and has phoned me some 20 times in the last two months or so, and I have appreciated that so much! I nearly pulled the plug here… but Diane, kindly talked me down from the cyber-ledge.
Today, I’m just plain angry. I’m angry, because this woman is not a nice person and she has wreaked great havoc in her wake. And she isn’t even here, anymore, which only serves to corroborate my views.
I do not see any evidence of gaslighting going on, by anyone, on here. Gaslighting is when someone changes the facts as they have occurred. I have been as honest as I can possibly be. I did not have to come forward, with this, but I could not stand to see my sisters so hurt and confused.
I do know that the sister who received the emails was debating publishing them, to show what E was up to.
I do not regret making that posting, one iota, in and of itself. It WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN, because there is no one’s husband on here, who is trying to take advantage of us!!! As I said, my ONLY regret is that so many people have gotten hurt by it.
If I had known that, I would NEVER have posted it, but for the life of me, I cannot begin to imagine what was going through that poor woman’s mind, that she felt that this was an appropriate solution. I could take her wrath, but she had no right to involve anyone else. It is unethical, in the extreme, especially for a professional counselor.This is why I have stated, “no more sex addicts.”
They are toxic and they infect everything and everyone they touch; it can be no other way.
Speaking of which I just found out that my pap is normal, but I still have dangerous strains of HPV coursing through my body.
Its so nice to know, that I am caring around, in my body a part of a SA, for the rest of my fucking life!
In the future, I truly wish that people would not make assumptions about what I am thinking or doing or feeling. If you are not sure, or want to know more, please, just ask me! okay? I do not wish anyone any harm– quite the opposite. I am, however, extremely angry with both Jeff and Ella, but I truly hope that maybe, just maybe, they can take something of value from this experience. They are traveling a most slippery slope, of their own making, however, I wish them well on their journey.
Love,
Laurel
It’s over. It’s over and done with. Now comes a time of healing. To prevent this from happening again perhaps we should help JoAnn come up with an EUA (End User Agreement) that subscribers would have to agree to when signing up and paying. It doesn’t have to be some legal jumbo but an agreement about personal information never leaving the site, or what happens in SOS stays in SOS, as you can tell, I’m not the right person to write said Agreement! But, you get my drift.
Just like with boundaries and consequences; should anyone not abide by the EUA they will be kicked off the site and subscriptions are non-refundable, that way JoAnn doesn’t have to worry about pro-rating and refunds.
So, that’s the extent to my legal jumbo!!! But it might be cute to write the Agreement just like that just to see if anyone reads it! 🙂
It’s not the answer to everything but it’s a start in the right direction.
In the meantime, how will we ever get knowledge of this disease out in the open if we cannot trust people who say they are counselors for sex addiction,
We have new members now and our job as veteran members is to be here, give support and awareness. Let’s get this site back on course.
Much love, Claire
Lexie, I’m so glad your pap was normal…one pap at a time, I guess! That’s how some of us have to roll now.
Claire, wise words! And I love your legal jumbo! My daughter Claire has talked often of becoming an attorney (and God help us all if she does, lol!). Hmmm…what is it about the name Claire? 😉
Love, Julie
Marie and everyone,
No one’s personal e-mail is accessible to anyone, even other Sisters unless you make it so. That is why we have the Sisterhood e-mail system. You also get a copy of the e-mail automatically sent to your personal e-mail account, but you cannot answer it unless you sign in to the Sisterhood and reply here. The personal e-mail address is never visible.
I am confused as to what and how any personal information could be shared without you offering it yourself.
Ella shared Jeff’s website here and Lexie posted a comment directly on that site.
Please advise me about what private information she shared so I can understand your concerns and address them.
No one needs to share any personal information here, not even your first name unless you choose to do so. The Sisters here who have connected have chosen to exchange their personal information.
JoAnn,
I think the implication was that information was taken out of forums here (that could only be found here) and shared on the public site. Lexi states above that it did not happen. I hate to speak for Marie, but I’m guessing that’s what the fear was/is.
Love JulieIf any of my Sisters would like to suggest what type of wording or statements that they feel would work in an agreement for members I would be happy to put something together.
In the meantime,after I get back home I’ll checkout other membership sites to see what types of agreements they have.
Dear Claire,
I think your legal mumbo jumbo is excellent and so is your suggestion?Z girl- I think you are correct. Marie (and I am assuming Nap) made it clear she is not leaving because of Ella. She is leaving because she assumed SOS had a confidentiality clause and now she doesn’t think it does.Though it took me some time to clue in to what she was really saying (because of all the other drama) now that I “get it” I think she is correct. It may be too late, but I believe we are losing Marie and Nap because we keep talking about Ella and Lexie and NOT addressing their real concern. Perhaps I am beating a dead horse here (God knows partners of SA are good at that), and I will, of course, defer to the group majority BUT I just feel really badly about this and I think we could have fixed it. Respectfully, Karen xx
No confidence was ever breached by me and I have no idea who Marie (really) is, where she lives, her last name, or anything which could ever identify her, or her husband (who isn’t trying to target decimated wives, I trust). Why would Marie be worried? She’s one of the most private women on here. I’m sorry, but that just doesn’t make any sense to me, at all.
Marie left, because she has made a lot of erroneous assumptions, based on only part of the story, and then panicked and fled. But, I believe that it goes far, far deeper than that and I feel for her. I see a woman in a lot more pain, than she’s willing to admit; I wish that she was still here, to talk it through… but I also get why she left. I know that feeling of panic and like you just have to GO.
I think that posting guidelines are a good idea, in any case.
I’m just reading Marie’s post back again, and it does sound very clear to me, now that my emotions have leveled off. (In fact my initial response to her is definitely off the mark.) For those who are hurting, if you haven’t re-read it, and aren’t sick of this whole thing by now, I urge you to read it again. It may give you some clarity and ease your confusion a little. I’m trying to move forward/heal, and figure out a way to do so without a bad taste in my mouth. I think a confidentiality agreement is a clear step. In the long run, maybe this whole incident will have a positive outcome in the way of growth for the website (ie, lemons to lemon meringue pie?). JoAnn, enjoy your trip, and maybe we can work on this when you get back!!! Take lots of pictures! I love the fall colors, and they are so short lived.
Love,
JulieJoAnn,
I have gone back and forth on whether to stay or go. No need to go into why. I truly do love this site. It has been such a great place where I have “met” so many wonderful and fantastic, strong, brave, women who give me inspiration – you especially. This site is like no other site I’ve seen – we are given free reign to express ourselves, to vent, to rage, to love, to laugh and to cry and we are all accepted and loved for it. You give us that safe haven.
I believe in my heart of hearts that this is already a safe site. It’s why I began using my real name on some of my more intimate posts, things involving my son, or more personal problems with my husband etc. Because I knew that I could trust the women on here. We are here because we share a common bond – not just that we ended up with a sex addict in our lives, but because we have already been betrayed. I trust the women on this site implicitly. I can’t imagine being betrayed by someone who has been betrayed on the level that we have already been so deeply betrayed. I trust some of them enough to have given them my personal email address – unfortunately, Ella was one of them. As this mess unfolded, she didn’t even know who I was and that hurt – I was an email address, plain and simple – ouch.
***warning beating a dead horse 😉
My disappointment on here came when the solicitation began. If it had been to my personal email, which I gave Ella of my own free will because she was threatening to leave, I would respect that. But, it wasn’t. It was here through PM – the one I forwarded to you and I still have it if you need it. I got the impression that you and I were on the same page but she still remained an active member and still mentioned her business and then added the link to Jeff’s page. I admit, I was surprised she was allowed to do that. I thought she was a great sister, she had a lot of insightful things to say, she brought up a lot of great topics I just felt she crossed the line by bringing her business into the mix.Is there a way to add something into the agreement, if you create one, that states that members cannot bring their business onto this site, cannot solicit members, even through PM?
Thanks,
SSGood idea, SS,
It is this piece of information that rattled me to the core. I had been trying to work with Ella through some of these events, never having any idea that she was trying to drum up business by using our PM feature to target potential clients, put her SA into their face, without any expression of interest from them.I was comfortable with her website being on our site as a resource to explore, (contact initiated by us) and would continue to be comfortable with that, or if we had a list of resources that included some offered/developed by people in the sisterhood. But trying to sell something through the PM feature is a boundary violation for me, particularly since it insinuated her SA into people’s lives. I’m surprised that Marie had no trouble with this self-serving and trauma-producing conduct, since IT IS THE PRIMARY SAFETY VIOLATION that precipitated a trauma reaction from one of our members that is NOW being targetted as the “safety violation”. Nice de-focus, Jeff. Easy target. Shame on you.
When are we going to learn that gaslighting is the work of the SA, directly or indirectly? I’m sure a certain SA is very pleased with himself. Our new need for site safety rules reflect this truth. And now his poor spouse and several others on this site do not have the resources of this community to to support, challenge, educate, and develop important insights to this field. We must have actually been getting somewhere.
Oh, a correction.
The SA was stuck in ALL of our faces when we were excitedly invited to visit his blog and ask him all our personal questions.
I was clearly asleep at the wheel. I let it go, but some curdled inside me when I saw that. Now I get it.Dear Diane,
We are not going to get anywhere if we keep making this about who did what? Why don’t we just try to prevent it in the future, with a decison that people attend SOS as partners not experts, no solicitation, and nothing said here leaves here and just leave it at that? I definately don’t think we should let any SA’s in, but then I never did. If I want to listen to PD speak I can just have a chat with my husband haha Hugs karen
I had no idea how widespread her solicitation was, and I did not know that she was using the PM service to do that.
I just got home from my trip and I will have to spend some time going over her posts, but I do not have access to any members SOS e-mail or PM messages.
I really would like to know the extent of this issue. If anyone would like to share their experiences with me, please send me an e-mail here on SOS or to my personal e-mail at joann.russell@gmail.com
Excuse me, Karen,
I am speaking to the safety violation and the critical role of the SA in what happened. My contribution has not been addressed by anyone else, and so my position is actually that “who did what” IS important.
You have posted four times on this thread. This was the first time for me (my correction would be #2). Please allow me the same privilege you afforded yourself. Thank you.The critical discussion, IMO, is not complete without my contribution if I have one to make. Given that my point is to reveal how the SA role pitted us against each other, I think it’s relevant to the past, the present and the future dynamics of our relationships onsite. Yes, I understand this requires some deeper thinking than some may wish to invest, but I believe all are capable of this.
Dear Diane,
Well, this is going swimmingly well, don’t you think?? I am nipping my part in the bud, right now. I am sorry if I came off as flip, Diane, and of course your contributions are always valid, thoughtful and well read.I consider you a great asset and I value anything you have to say.I am horrified I came across in a disrespectful way. From the very beginning of this debaucle, I have been one of the few, who was NOT actually involved in this issue? I had no idea who sent the post, I didn’t receive any pm’s, I didn’t post to any SA website, I was not offered an intensive, and I tried to keep my rising concerns to myself, in case the rest of the group wanted those links? From the start, I felt I didn’t really know what was going on and it is still not completely clear to me. Everyone seems to have had a different experience of the event. Quite simply, I didn’t want to lose Nap and Marie from our midst. Hell, I thought if Ella would just stop droning on about how recovered her husband was and how he was our champion, we could have kept her and supported her as well. I assumed(bad idea), when everyone cooled down, we could find a way to address everyone’s concerns, not split our group up and prevent another incident in the future. That was really my ONLY goal as I was completely uninvolved in the actual trigger. Now I find myself with you mad at me, Lexie probably mad at me, Ella was always mad at me and God knows who else I am irritating the shit out of? Meanwhile, Marie and Nap are still gone, so I have accomplished squat. Therefore, I am going to throw up my hands in defeat and bow out gracefully, before I find myself with no friends left. Perhaps you nailed it, Diane, (though I still agree with Marie that confidentiality is critical)…perhaps we simply allowed a cat to slip in among the canaries and this is the result? I thought you knew, I am ALWAYS on guard where a SA is concerned. It is now deep enough in me to be positively instinctive. 🙁 My apologies to you and anyone I offended with my posts or my contribution in this matter. It was from a place of good intention, as I am sure all of yours are?
Much Love, KarenHi All,
Since this is hopefully starting to shake out, i hope it will be over soon.
But i truely had wondered what her purpose was here.
Ella is a licensed therapist. That is how she makes her money. Her link was on this page leading you to her services. On her websites are even links to pay online via paypal. Of course i am unsure why she would need this? As well as an advertisement for telephone counseling and couples sessions. Which leads me to wonder?? When i spoke with barbara steffens a while back she was out of ohio and i am in ct. I asked her if she could do telephone sessions and she said no. They could do “coaching” but telephone therapy over state lines is a not allowed. And this makes sense. You are licensed in the state you live in to practice in that state.Ella joined a support website for women who are struggling. Ella never appeared to struggle or have any questions for us to help her in a situation she may have been in. Instead her relationship was going great!! She may have asked questions and we answered as her guinea pigs however i do not remember her needing any advice.
So that leads back to my inital thought she is a licensed therapist. I would thaink as a licensed therapist that anything she says, as she had advertised and made it well known she was a therapist that worked with spouses of addicts, that she could open herself up tp liability?!?! I would think so.
So then leads the question…she did not ask for help…probably should not give advice or help…..except in general terms…..then what is she gaining or receiving from this site??
That had always been a big question of mine. I would think it would open her up to liability. If she wanted to have a site to help wives of sex addicts…then she could start her own really. And with the info above it would appear that our question is answered….
Ugh. What a nightmare. Sorry this has all happened JoAnn. We lost some great women over this too. Hopefully they reconsider.
Love,
FloraDiane and All,
I have refrained from commenting on this situation because I thought I felt removed from it. Guess what, it has affected me in a way I didn’t expect. Diane I believe you are quite right about an SA pitting us against one another, whether unknowingly or intentionally, it doesn’t matter. All I know is that surprisingly the feelings of betrayal and manipulation I felt when I discovered my H’s addiction has reared it’s ugly head here on this beloved site that offers safety from that. I agree that the conversation between Lexie and Ella’s husband was an entirely private matter away from this site, and should never have landed here in our laps.I know we all hate controversy and wish this would go away, but the pot has been stirred. This isn’t fun, but I think everyone here is doing what we do best…talking, challenging each other, caring about each other and trying to make sense of our varied feelings. It will make us stronger and wiser in our fight against the devastating affects of sex addiction on spouses. Hopefully, down the road we can offer strong wisdom tempered and tried by fire, to other women that sadly will find their way here.
Love.
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