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So after finding a charger I didn’t recognize, I became convinced there was another phone being used by my sa and looked through his car. Instead of finding a phone I found a monitoring software he was hiding in his car???? Now he wants to spy in me? Is this a glimpse into a sa mind
just curious if anyone elses sa had similar behavior
thanksThat’s just freaky.
What software was it? I’m curious and I may be able to tell you how to get around it or have it give false readings just to thwart his twisted mind.
Big hugs honey. We’re here for you.
Thanks Joann. Is amazing how his mind works.
The software is called Spector pro. If anyone knows anything about it please let me know.That is computer monitoring software. If you have the software box or the install instructions you should be able to find the code sequence to see if it is on your computer (although he may have made up his own sequence).
Just be aware that every single word you type is now visible to him, including everything you write here.
If he is monitoring your computer he will now know that you know.
You may want to use a public computer, like at the library, or only correspond via telephone for a while.
Let me think on this one.
Oh geez, Anna, that’s a new one. I’m so sorry, and yes we are all here for you. You are lucky to have JoAnn the techno-wizard on your side.
BIG HUGS!!!!
JulieThanks Joann. Have been corresponding on phone since discovering the software. Is hard to get access to the box bc he keeps in the car where spare tire is held. May have to set my alarm to get up in the middle of the night one night to get the sequence codes.
Another insight to how his mind works. He was speaking to me the other bight about his progress since June. June??? I said honey I’ve known since June but did not TTY about it until mid late July when u returned from new Orleans. Told him I remember distinctly being a moms w him July 4 th knowing and not saying anything to him. He was convince I was wrong had been so much longer than July. I dropped it. He obviously did not. He had to look up his travel schedule and when he realized he was wrong he apologized. His brain has a wa of distorting so many time frames makes me nuts sometimes but not today going to enjoy today regardless. Thanks for your help JoannHi Anna,
This is only a guess, BUT , I am wondering if he might be trying to find out if you are planning on leaving him?? As to his confusion re: the time frame…..they always seem to error on the side of minimization and NOT the other way around? 🙂 Hugs Karen
Oh, Anna– I’m so sorry about this, but about time and MEN, I think this is a universal problem! lol… my husband has learned never to argue with me about this, because I have an abnormal ability to remember precise dates. Its usually by association, but I don’t think that men, as a rule are that observant.
I agree with Karen. He wants to know what’s going on inside your pretty head. But, yes, i have heard of SAs who monitor their wives… wtf?
xo ~ L
Just a thought… and I haven’t read your story yet, Anna. Sorry. So I don’t know all of your specifics, but I’m wondering if he installed the software to try to overwrite any keylogging software you might have installed? Does that make sense? If you had installed something that would track what he was doing… then maybe he could mess up your tracking if he installed something over it?
That would make sense IF it worked that way because then he could do all of his online acting out without you knowing…because he would have the “alpha” software working for him.
Otherwise, I agree… he’s probably trying to access your emails, calendar, bank statements, etc, to see if you’re planning to divorce him.
What can she do to get rid of it, JoAnn?
Hi All,
JoAnn, the spectro does get picked up by anti-virus software now. It happened on my own the other day. I have not used it, so it does not matter. But it is detectable now.With SA’s its all about control. No matter what. He may be not worried about you leaving, but may want to know your every move. If you all of a sudden have become empowered, and not the weak person he has beaten upon for years,,,he may wonder why? So he is snooping around trying to find out about your activities.
I am not sure you were weak and beaten down. But truely i do not know of a wife sho had not been in some way.
i think its all control and he wants to know your every move.
Love,
floraI have had a similar problem but my SA is even more disgusting; he would mentally torture me with his insanity until I broke down and cried…just so he could video it in the hopes of making me seem “unfit” and “crazy”. I found half a dozen videos of me crying hysterically in the kitchen or in the bedroom. One was entitled “Needs therapy”.
Oh girls this is blowing my mind. I am newer to this SA crap, but my goodness you are all so smart. I am not technically saavy at all! I always get something from you all. Just another thing to be aware of… Hang in there Annabegins – prayers coming your way!!
Ladies-apologies if you receive two posts frrom me, my computer is acting up!
Thank you all for your insights and assistance. I have norton premier on my laptop, and it is not picking up anything. This is a new one though, not the one he originally installed the software on. Dont use that one anymore
Is amazing how the sa mind works, and think it is about control and fear.Hurt heart-
have great concern for what you mentioned in your post. hopeful you are out of the relationship???Hi anna
my h kept changing dates and details on me. And we would get in huge arguments about it, and he would always accuse me of not paying attention, not remembering right, not listening, etc. I decided to keep a journal and every time he told me anything I would go upstairs and write it down. You cannot believe how that saved me. I caught him lying dozens of times with my journal, I would even bring it to the therapists office and showed them when he tried to lie in front of them. It worked like a charm and he had to be honest. He would get so angry about my “stupid little notebook”!!! I highly recommend you get a notebook, record every thing and keep it hidden well!
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