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Please give our usual warm and loving welcome to our newest Sister, anna.
Anna wrote this in her profile:
My husband disclosed his sex addiction last year and sought treatment with a therapist, and was discharged earlier this year. In September he told me his feelings for me had changed, and in October he told me our marriage was over. I am struggling.
Weclome anna. You have come to the right place. We will help you through this difficult time, and in the process you will find not only support and resources but a lot of new friends.
Anna, just jump right in here, read the stories and topics, comment on anything you like and join any chat you see going on.
We are all here for you, anna. Welcome.
Love and hugs ~ JoAnn
Hi Anna,
Wow, your story is one with a twist. It isn’t that often the SA decides to leave. I understand this must have been quite the year for you, and I don’t mean that in a good. way. Thank you for joining the sisterhood and I hope you will find some good exchanges of information, challenging questions, real encouragement and even a little humour.So, I’m kind of wondering, thought, how your SA was “discharged” after a year. I’ve never heard of a recovery that quick before.
lots of light to you,
Diane.Hi Diane, JoAnn,
Yeah, bit of a year. I was just coming around to dealing with how I actually felt about the addiction (porn, websites, making but not keeping appointments with prostitues) – I was trying to be a good, understanding wife and give him space and support to sort himself out. I totally neglected my feelings though, and that was a mistake. So I will admit that it’s not been the happiest year of our relationship. But I never saw this coming.
Well, he saw a therapist who specialised is SA, helped him work through a lot of childhood issues, and then that was it. He would never go to any 12-step program. So now I’m left wondering, is him leaving me even to do with his SA? My gut instinct says yes, but I can’t work it out.
Anyway, nice to meet you both!
Anna xxHi Anna,
Welcome to SOS. We all listen and support each other and we learn and grow. I’m sorry for your suffering this past year. My h too filed for divorce to end the marriage. I think he wanted to stay married to his addiction and didn’t want to stop. Thinking of you and welcome!
Love, NapWelcome aboard the love train! You will be so happy you joined! THIS is a safe environment with the most wonderful women in the whole world!! (for real….)
:). Silver Lining
Hi Anna,
As you read and commented to in my other post, I know how it feels to have the SA ask for a divorce. They cause you all that hurt and all this pain and then THEY want a divorce?
When my H did his 180, initially the psychologist sent him to a psychiatrist to see if he was bipolar. He’s not. I almost hoped he was because maybe it’s excuse some of his behavior.
Hi Anna,
These ladies and this site have been a life saver for me. I know that you will find the same here. Welcome!!
My husband also wants a divorce from me. As Kim just said, you go through all of this BS with them, and then they have the audacity to want to leave us? It is a crazy world, and a crazy time for us.
I have been struggling with these issues, done lots of study and personel introspection.
Slowly finding some calm. Thanks to all of these ladies support.
Cindy
Hi Anna,
Welcome to SOS. I am SO sorry for the pain you are going through. This SA stuff is so hard. You’ll find your in good company here with people that care so much. This has been the best support system I could ever ask for.
Take care, and looking forward to getting to know you.hugs,
JulieHello Anna –
I am so glad that you joined SOS! It is a sad, common factor that brings us all to the Sisterhood, but the ladies here are amazing support. Here we feel each others sadness, anger and happiness…you are no longer alone on this journey.
Welcome Anna 🙂
~ Shaken
Anna,
Welcome and so sorry for your struggles, but so glad that you found us. I am slowly ending my 23 year marriage to my husband, but working to become more solvent, first.As painful as this must be for you, the truth of the matter is that very few men actually reach a healthy state of sobriety in this matter and most have substantial personality disorders, if not downright mental illness.
The thing that trips us all up, quite frequently, is that we are operating under the assumption that the playing field is even.
its not.
he’s sick.
In some ways, I actually thing its better for a SA to ask for the divorce rather than BEG a wife to stay, only to keep on doing his “thing”– only sneakier and better now.
Your h has clearly chosen his addiction.
His SA is his wife/mistress/lover and best friend, all rolled into one. This is the best that he can do and…
good riddance, is all I can say!!! cause who needs it!
He has done the most loving thing he is capable of doing, which is releasing you from his hell hole world.
Again, so glad you are here… and write as much or as little as you feel like!
Love ~ Lexie (but really Laurel)
Welcome Anna, and I am so sorry for what you’re going through. I’m no expert, but it sounds to me as if your husband is leaving because recovery was never really his intention. A year with a therapist and nothing else is.. well, nothing. As Lexie said, there is usually a serious personality disorder underlying the addiction. I know it might be hard for you to believe right now, but this isn’t about anything you’ve done wrong. It’s a sickness that is beyond your control, and a sickness that your husband isn’t really even aware that he has, it sounds like. Wish you didn’t have to be here, but you’ll find so much support and empathy here.
Big hugs to you,
Annie
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