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I have been lax in commenting, just wanted you all to know I’m still thinking of you and praying for your situations in my own fashion.
This week I started three classes: Chemistry 2, Alegbra 2, and Music Appreciation. I am in over my head on the chemistry and math and I think that is just what I needed. I am so distracted by my need to learn and master those that the SA is far less consuming.
On the art front, my gallery owner met with a representative about a grant for the exhibition I wrote about on here several weeks ago, featuring works that express the exeriences we share as a result of the objectification of women and partners of SAs. I have another week to go on my piece and then it’s being hung for a showing with the formal opening the first week of February.
One way to deal with the pain. Sublimation.
When I do post it’s probably tediously long. I type really fast and end up with more than I want to subject everyone to when I can’t edit.
Haven’t forgotten you all, working for awareness and some ACTION for us as partners. Hopefully acknowledgment of SA as legal grounds for divorce, and more awareness of treating the trauma for partners of SAs.
Hi Lynng
Will you post a picture of your work for us? And it woudl be great to know what your up to on the legal side of things. And as you have been spending your time wisely on Chemistry and Algebra your thoughts are much appreciated and do not trouble yourself with apologises for not being vocal.
XWill try, no digital camera and have long lost the cable to download from my phone so it’s full of stuff I don’t want to delete. Technologically challenged.
Good for you. I just keep procrastinating change in my life. I am sure you will do FINE with Chem 2 and Math 2. You passed chem 1 and math 1!!!
Holy shjt, lynn.. I am so impressed! Your art exhibition sounds wonderful. Geez louise, I’m patting myself on the back just for remembering to put the garbage bins out, and here you are, taking classes and creating art and being a warrior for us. I hope you’re able to take photographs of your piece and post them here. It sounds amazing. xoxo
Annie,
No, no, nooooo. Liza said something similar on another post and suddenly I feel like I’m tooting my own horn here and it’s so not my intent. I am doing nothing but riding out this riptide of pain til I can get oriented to the shore again.
As I told her, thanks for the encouragement! Trying with whatever strength I have left to take the choices before me now, and to do whatever is most impacting for the good each day, for either my family or someone!
Just refusing to let life go on like this never happened.
I have to get my degree to be viable to work and support my family again. The art is cathartic and makes it feel like I did not suffer this in vain, maybe I can help someone else identify what they are going through, feeling, wanting to understand, or SOMETHING. As we have learned here, just knowing you can scream the words that would be unintelligible unless you’d been (cruelly) intiated into the language is a relief.The TV thing was in the midst of the shock, and again just hoping that somebody would see and feel like it was OK to own their pain, or the H would admit before the damage was so extreme.
Lynn,
You are really a trooper. I know you may not feel like one. You’re a very talented woman and wonderful mother. Please post you picture if you can. You’re really multi-talented and hope you know how special you are. Thinking of you!
Love, NapDear Lynn,
I am staying with my Dad since my Mom died. Most days I don’t get out of my PJ’s. I have a life ahead of me, less time that you (probably) and I am just frozen. Trust me…you are doing great…hurting or not…you are moving forward through your pain. There is no such thing as too long a post on here so post away. I am always happy to hear what you have to say. I am blown away by the wonderful,women in this group. I doubt very much I will EVER be in the company of so many intelliegent, kind, passionate, creative, feisty and intuitive members of the femal gender again in my own lifetime. karen xx
HI there,
Karen I’m glad you told us about what’s going on for you. I’m really sorry you’re frozen right now, but could it be its the only way for you to get yourself to stop and rest yourself? You have lots of high stress pieces of parenting and daughtering, not to mention “he who shall not be named”. I think you may be a little like me and just keep going until your body/soul/mind/ bail and you end up jammies frozen. I think you are incredibly wonderful, by the way, but would like you to rest a bit. Maybe just let yourself “waste” some time (ie, type A personality talk for “give it to yourself”)Lynn, as with Karen, it’s important for you to hear that we recognize talent when we see it. You are have energy and imagination and initiative. I’m very interested in your project and almost posted a couple of times, so I’m going to now. I have been an amateur fabric artist for about 20 years now. Not a traditionalist approach, and very interested in this project. If I could just win the lottery I would do a piece on your topic. And I”ll bet a lot of us on this site do creative things. Maybe we need a photo page for posting our creations, no matter what they are!
Lynn and Karen, wake up and celebrate your greatness. We do!
love, Diane.
A fabric artist, hooray!!! I am impressed! I love the texture and approachability of fabric. It is the base of my current piece, instead of a gessoed canvas, I covered a 18″ x 8′ masonite board with fabrics representing the stages of a woman’s life, from birth to marriage, to this realization that we are objects to own, buy, or control. It’s very unlovely, and I’m struggling with that as much as anything. I keep telling myself that’s part of the process and will not be erased, it’s ugly. It should be. What happens and the mindset that allows it to is very ugly.
I will talk to the owner of the gallery about pictures. We have a hanging on 1/16 for the new show “Dramatic Differences” and there is always a photographer on hand for those. I’ll see what I can get. This piece really needs to be panaromic, then viewed up close. The text and pics on the collage tell the story as much as the transition of fabrics and colors in the piece from white to black. and victorian to modern.
Thank you and I suppose we should ALL celebrate our talents. I haven’t painted for 27 years, and this year at the annual crawl here I just thought “it’s time to stop looking and start doing.” I am not that talented. My edge is probably that I do know most of the rules, artistically, and have no trouble breaking them. It brings something to the mix of artists here, some of whom have masters of arts degrees which humbles me. My skills and techniques are very, very rusty but I’ve enjoyed bringing them back to life so far.
I should ask JoAnn about a photo page.
Lynn, you’re not tooting your own horn at all. You’re an inspiration. You’re not just making lemonade out of lemons, you’re making an amazing lemon meringue pie. It’s really awesome. xoxo
Hi Lynn,
I have written some poetry during very pain filled moments. I could choose a few of my favorites, have them printed and then frame them. Is this something which could be part of the exhibit? If not, I understand.
Love, NapNAP, please!!!! I don’t have a date, yet, for the traveling exhibit but I surely let you know. If you want, you can email them to me, and I’ll print them as part of a grouping I’ve done from other sources. I’m so excited you offered!
Diane…thank you for your kind words but I am wondering if my resting is depression or overload? I have a 6 month supply of anti depressants and hormones sitting in a drawer in my room and am debating which ones I need most. 🙂 I am not making any decisions and it has been going on for a long time. And another thing that is really beginning to concern me is I don’t cry. I read on here about women crying all day for months and I wish I could but I don’t. This has been driven home to me by my mother’s death as I barely shed a tear. I know I need a therapist. I don’t know what is holding me back…on that and many fronts. I just received an email today that the renal program in Vancouver will put my youngest and older son into the paired exchange program in an attempt to get a kidney match. My older one will give a kidney so my youngest can receive from someone else. They anticipate that finding a match for my youngest blood type will be a challenge.I don’t feel ready to deal with all this and it freaks me out to take an organ from one so the other can receive. You are right….I think I will just stay in my pjs under the covers. Karen xx
PS as for “him that won’t be mentioned” he is not only an asshole BUT a needy asshole. I guess most lunatics are.
And now you are an artist as well as a minister…I mean “Are you kidding me?” 😉 There were many ladies interested in fabrics and art when I lived in Nigeria. I like to look but have never had an urge to pick up a brush. Art is a form of self expression…maybe my self doesn’t know what it wants to express?
Lynn…I am more than impressed with what you are doing.And I will NEVER be able to get through algebra 2 and I hope I never have to. 😉
Dear Karen,
Could it be that you won’t let yourself “crash” until your sons’ kidney operations are over and they are all okay?
I mean, I would understand that completely, but you might actually do a better job of parenting through this horrible period if you are supported with a good therapist. Hmmm. Now that may not have come out right—I’m sure you will do a great job—but do you know what I mean here? Maybe it doesn’t have to be quite so hard. It’s hard enough, right? If meds/therapist/tears could take the edge of a bit, I think you are allowed. You have enough stressors to be so deep into PTSD that you could be our poster girl for the month.Please, please, could you please call for an appointment with someone with skills to help you feel and not fall apart. It is possible. If you ARE depressed, then you will at least have someone keeping an eye on you. I’m a little concerned here. Don’t make me get on a plane…
Diane.xoDear Diane,
Do not worry on that front…I will not let it go too far…I am not that type. I am the type who tries to go it alone but I am also the type who can see when I am not doing so well. I was in Singapore in Dec for a check up and I did go see a Dr (shrink) there to talk and discuss medication and things. I had seen him before and he clearly didn’t think I was suicidal because he left the choice of medication up to me. 😉 I just told him what I have said here…I feel stuck. It is also true that it never rains but it pours. The kidney deal might mean an operation in a few weeks OR it could still mean waiting…until they get a match so nothing definate yet. I have to admit that issue is part of why I am in a holding pattern with my decisions. I don’t really think I am depressed BUT I think I have baggage to unload…and for that you need a good person to talk to. I feel really uneasy about selecting someone just the same. I have the luxury of not being forced into any drastic action. Perhaps that is part of the reason I stay in my pjs…because for now I can. Thank you for your wise advice. I will keep you up to date.
Karen xxKaren It sounds to me like you are between storms, and you need to recharge yourself to gear up for the next challenge. Stay in you pj’s and watch feel good movies all day. If I was there I would join you! I watched the 2005 version of pride and prejudice twice this week! And I may watch it again! Best movie ever!
And I was really against taking the anti depressants, and 6 wks before my daughters wedding and my h told me he still loves her and has never loved me, well I called and went on, as I needed to get my shit together for that wedding. It was a really good move and I am glad I did it. Also what I thought was hormonal (had a hysterectomy 2 yrs ago but left my ov’s) totally subsided, including the hot flashes. so how much of that was stress? It’s ok because I know I will not be on them forever. It sure got me over the hump. My life sucks, I just don’t feel as bad.
How many of you are in Canada? Lets all meet at the Banff springs hotel and go our for fondue! Karen plan one happy thing for you to look forward to.
hugslynn I make stained glass windows. Big ones. And so far, almost all religious. I like to think I am getting to heaven one window at a time! You know that is another thing that pisses me off about my h. He thinks any form of art is a waste of time. Wont go to an art museum with me cause he “just doesn’t get it”. man o man though if it’s a sporting event, well now thats worth $500 bucks a ticket. But a painting, sculpture, window….whats the point?
He piles so much shit (literally 5 feet high) in my work room that I just gave up. I have so much beautiful glass behind all his crap.
that is part of my 12 month plan. To get back to my creative side. I never thought about sa as inspiration. hmmmm all I can think of is a pile of broken glass.Karen, I ache for you. After my father died, I did not cry, not once. I had done the escape from first H and moved close to them (two blocks away) so that my children would have some emotional support besides me as I KNEW I was a wreck. He was wonderful to them for 2 years though his health deteriorated swiftly during that time from 2 heart attacks, the third killed him.
My mom was crushed, they’d been together in a very conservatively modeled marriage for 48 years so she was in no way self sufficient. My children had lost the only male role model in their lives, just two years after losing their father with no warning at all, by virtue of my escape. I had always been the one who could keep things rolling through hard times, so I did. Two years later, this summer, was the first time I’d been to where we spread Dad’s ashes in the river where he fished as a boy. Three times before and I tried, and got lost for hours each time though I’ve known the place since I can remember. I laid on the tree that he fished from, that stretched it’s trunk out over the water and cried and knew he understood why I took so long in getting there.
Those years I wondered if I was ok, too. The pain was so bad, so physically breath taking. That grief when it hit, was astonishing and hit at such odd times. But I didn’t cry. I did not have counseling through that. I probably should have but was paying for counseling for both children and as a single parent could not afford more. Was that backwards, should I have put my own counseling ahead of theirs? I sometimes think so, but we got through that.
All to say, you’ll make it. If I could go back I’d put my counseling first.
Heidi – stained glass is magical! Yes, take back that side and put all the H’s stuff in plastic bags and stuff them under the house or something. That’s what I did when I moved in. Another SA trait? Hoarding? It took me months to get the house livable when I moved here. Stuff everywhere!!!
Heidi, I love stained glass. If I could pick a creative talent, making stained glass would be it. Would love to see pictures of your work if you feel like posting them. xoxo
Heidi,
Stained glass??!! My God…..I loved stained glass. What a lovely form of art expression.
Lynn…..you amaze me. I am also beginning to understand why after such an ordeal…your current husband seemed like an oasis in the dessert and why you are daunted by returning to carrying the full load. Do your art and do your school and keep getting up every day. He is a mirage…he will fade in time.
Karen xx
Heidi—-the Banff Springs Hotel!!! Yes. Out here we call it the Castle. Have you been there before? I’m one hour and a quarter away from it. In Feb I’ll be at the Banff Centre for the Arts for my writing retreat, and I’ll probably pop over for a drink in the Rundle Room bar–it has the best view. There were always tons of US people in Banff summer and winter too. But lately there’s very few–I think its our strong dollar and your struggling economy.
And thanks for telling us about the stained glass. We are indeed an interesting group of women. I do think we need arts and crafts photo page.
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