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BonnieBlue posted this under the ‘group’ section, (where it will languish forever) so I copied and pasted her topic here so that everyone can comment
Bonnie, there are instructions for starting a topic in the menu on the right side ‘How To?’. If you have any questions just e-mail me either here under the top menu ‘My Account–Messages or at joann.russell@gmail.com
I need advice on my combination mess. My husband is just starting to work on his SA, with significant bumps. In addition, he is set to be deployed overseas in a couple of months. The combination of the two seem like an involuntary recipe for disaster. I literally can’t tell up from down. Any advice?
Heck, Bonnie, I’d be asking him to ask his employer to reconsider his deployment if at all possible. He could cite depression or some other such reason that would make him unable to go if he cant tell about the addiction? I think your instinct is correct.
Bonnie,
I would say trust your instinct, too.
Great suggestion by Jos – Is there an employee assistance program with that company, for mental health issues? I would have him call them, and set up counseling sessions THROUGH THAT AVENUE. Then he has a precedent, and more validity for what Jos suggested.
As we’ve learned the HARD WAY, though, keep the disclosures of WHY he’s in that program limited to the counselors, themselves. Coworkers blabbing is what cost my H his job. He’s still on administrative leave, and we’ve discovered that cuts his salary by thousands a month.
Not to scare you, my H did make his SA very public, which put the company in a pinch immediately after the coworder started negative gossiping. There’s no reason your H should experience anywhere near that level of ostracizing.
Thanks, JoAnn; I tried to post it again as a new topic. Feel free to delete it.
Jos, I’m not certain about that aspect. His intimacy problem has also spilled over into his communication with me about the deployment process, so I’ll inquire about it.
and Lynn, there seems to be counseling available, prominent on the deployment site’s homepage (which is probably a bad sign in and of itself). I will try to make sure he plugs in.On a side note, it is hugely sad that making this public was used against your H. The contribution of media, etc, to it, is so obvious: I’m sure it was a reaction to pointing out the ‘elephant in the room’.
I’m not sure if the military would be as shocked; plenty of dysfunction there. He is an attorney, otherwise, which is obviously a whole other contribution…gender stereotype reinforcement is archaically present.Dear Bonnie,
I had a feeling your husband might be in the miltary, when you used the term “deployment” rather than assigned. I am an “army brat” so have some idea of how tough that life and be on marriages and families. I dont think they would be so shocked, but also know that they are very strict, especially with officers, and the military is one place where your personal life and professional life are very intertwined. Though I am sure that being an attorney your husband is particularly aware of the possible professional ramifications.
What is really important is that you take care of yourself and have access to a strong support system. All of us on here know first hand how devasting this can be!
On a side-note I was really happy to see you chose to post your picture. When I first came on this site I saw other womens faces and it seemed brave and important that they didnt hide in shame–we havent done anything to be ashamed of! So kudos to you on that too! (though also understand those who choose NOT to share a pic)
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