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I’m reading these different posts and thought we might benefit any new sisters by adding our experiences to what are obvious and immediate RED flags re: discovery, recovery or an attempt at it.
BE AWARE OF THE FOLLOWING: feel free to add anything you’ve had happen*****
•I promise I will stop
•I will never do it again
•I have learned my lesson
•I will call you if I feel tempted again
•I can stop this on my own
•I don’t need professional help
•I get it now that you’ve kicked me out twice
•I’m not as bad as some of those other guys
•We will never have to have this conversation about me being a porn addict again
•It will never escalate, I would never let that happen
•That site I went to was an accident
•That actress I googled, well I thought she was someone else
•I don’t think that SA group I go to is the right one for me bc I’ve not been as bad as some of them have been
•I know I’ve not given you much reason to trust me since I got caught lying but I mean it this time, I’m going to show you I can be trusted
•I don’t know how I ended up over there, I almost didn’t even go in when I got there
•I swear to you I have never looked at anything porn related online
•Hell no I’m not taking a polygraph. If our marriage is that bad then we need to divorce
•I haven’t put you first which is going to change now
•I haven’t looked at anything porn related in x amount of months
•I will make this up to you, somehow, some way
•I have a problem, I need you to help me through this
•I don’t want our family broken up
•Do you think you did everything you could to help me?
•I’m doing everything I can think of to fix thisLet’s just cut to the chase and say that it doesn’t matter WHAT they say; do not listen. Pay attention ONLY to what they DO.
My God for-now, you pretty much covered it all. Steve said all of those things to me.
I will just add and personalize my experiences.
-When I objectify a woman, I never have taken it home and fantasized about them. I used to feel a “warm” feeling in my groin, but that doesn’t happen anymore. I just let it go.
-When I objectified my daughter and sister, it was just “a woman” – not incestual.
-When a risque dressed woman pops up on the computer, I can’t tell anything about them. I look away too quickly.
-I have not done porn since a year ago last August. (But, he fantasized and mb to fantasies of it last Xmas. Ya, right.
-I am able to control it now-if I trigger, I look away immediately.
-I do find you beautiful and sexy. (Ya, that’s why he can’t perform sexually and intimately-the addiction gets in the way).
-I will do what ever it takes to make our marriage work. I am going to beat this.
-I promise I will never lie to you again. (uh huh-up until the day I moved out).Thanks for-now. I wrote a post on the married to a Sex Addict site a few years ago about the same thing. It was called Laughable Lies. Here’s more to add to the list;
I swear, it was the very first time I ever did that.
It was only once.
It was only twice.
I never intended to meet her, I was just playing mind games with her.
I never intended to do anything, I just wanted to meet her.
We’re just friends.
She propositioned me.
I was just curious.
I was just testing myself.
I just wanted to see if I could resist the temptation.
I don’t know how those porn sites got on my computer.
Porn sites pop up on everyone’s computer.
I spent all that money on stuff for the office.
I must have gotten it from a toilet seat.
It doesn’t mean anything if I just look.
The (credit card company), (bank), (telephone company) must have made a mistake.
You are imagining things.
That stuff must belong to our son.
You wouldn’t understand–it’s a guy thing.
It’s just entertainment, it doesn’t mean anything.
I just have a high sex drive.
I’m not as bad as some guys.
I only look at pictures, what’s so bad about that?
I wasn’t lying, I was protecting you.And my favorite, when all else fails…
I don’t remember!
A half-truth is a whole lie. ~ Jewish Proverb
And to think if I had only:
Cleaned the house better
Looked sexier
Stopped nagging
Been more frugal
Not overcooked the tenderloin
Been happier
Been supportive
Been sane as opposed to a crazy bitch
Understood his job pressure
Had the kid`s homework done
Praised him more often
Never mentioned what I liked during sex
And many I am leaving out….Then he would never have done any of these things. All normal men fuck hookers when the house isn`t immaculate.
I guess it is all MY fault 🙂
All normal men fuck hookers when the house isn`t immaculate.
love that one.
Here’s some more..
I haven’t acted out in months.
my acting out is the lowest it’s ever been
It’s not that I don’t love you…
The Sa meetings are for “illegal porn” people. I only look at adult stuff.. (oh wow, what a relief I guess..)
I am not like those guys
I don’t pop pills every day
I wasn’t out of control. I was just working a lot.
If you were nicer to me I wouldn’t have acted out so much.
some people smoke or drink when they get stressed. I f*ck hookers
you know wht happens when I am upset, so don’t upset me so much
if you had controlled the money like I had asked you to do for years, I wouldn’t have been able to support my habit.I am not blaming you, BUT…..
I am not blaming you, BUT….
I am not blaming you, BUT…I tune out after BUT. It sounds just like Charlie Brown’s teacher. — WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH,
My h’s very first nasty hurtful crack to me when I very first sat him down and said I think you have a problem with porn was “you’re crazy. I think you’re bipolar. Have you ever been tested for it?”. And thus it began…..
All aboard!!!! The crazy train that is….
Joann, I love it…..a half truth is a whole lie…..amen!
Then he would never have done any of these things. All normal men fuck hookers when the house isn`t immaculate. LOLOLOL
Oh man, how I know this…
I was bored
I knew it was you, I was just playing along (when I caught him by pretending to be a online girl)
Curiousity got the best of me I guess!
I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. (until tomorrow when I scream at you for the dog drinking water too loud).
I love you even though I don’t show it or say it. (that’s my favorite I think)
I heard about it on Howard Stern. I was curious.HA! Laststraw,
Good to see you kept your sense of humor! I cracked up at the dog drinking water too loud:)Watch out for that dog water tho! If he gets too off his rocker, he will pick it up and flick it in your face. Just ask Pam C.
Have I mentioned I HATE these guys??
or these time wasters:
I don’t know what to say (translation–I’m not saying anymore until I speak to a lawyer)
Tell me what to do (I’m not taking responsibility for ANYTHING)
Tell me what you want me to do (that will keep her busy for a while so I can go look at more porn)
Write down what you want (women love this one, it makes them think I will give it to them)
Marriage is a two way street (one lane is for when I want to go that way, and the other lane is for when I want to go the other way)
It takes two to get into this much trouble (shit, I hope she doesn’t know there’s more than two)
I’m going to church now (that woman minister’s got big tits)
I want to try again (How many times can I sucker you in?)Excellent list, for-now! And damn scary how they all seem to quote from the same putrid script. xoxo
New sisters……..read and be aware, its from their playbook. they all have the same one. This is a repost.
Totally! Thanks for compiling that all together in one post. So weird & scary that they literally all say the exact same thing. Almost word for word. I will forever be grateful to this site (and all you amazing ladies!) that has allowed me to see how my SAH is not unique or special…he’s the same shit, wrapped in a different package!
Ha! My H asked if I could be bi-polar too! He also said he should have never married me and I have such low self esteem.
What jerks! Good topic started for-now!On our first d day 3 yrs ago when I sat him down and compassionately said I think you’re having a porn prob he flipped out and said I was crazy and asked too if I had ever been tested for bi polar bc I saw a shrink when I was 17. That pissed me off bc I went after I thought I was pregnant and my Catholic mom went Linda Blair on me after the test came back negative. I was enraged he even went there!!
I finally told him this summer that what hurt the most about that bi polar crack back then was that I never told him I learned his daughter went nutty after her second kid and was sent to a psych hospital for awhile and I wondered if he showed her the same compassion that he showed me on d day.
His mouth hit the floor bc he didn’t know I knew that from his sister as I never repeated it before this summer.
“Go there again mother fucker” was all I could yell at him!
here is one I havent seen listed yet this was his response to me about a few pictures of women I on his phone of women ) ‘I never touched her! “
what jerks!I have to take my mom to Dr., and can’t possible do this justice, but here’s some that come to mind:
“I didn’t realize that was wrong until you explained it to me”
“Now that you put it that way, I understand I shouldn’t have done that”
“You are my one and only, I know I didn’t act like it, but you are”
“I thought the risk was minimal” (His explanation for showing me a clean STD test dated three weeks BEFORE the unprotected whore sex, as the proof he was clean that I requested before our first intimate encounter. Mine, and I did go the expense and discomfort for BOTH our sakes, was valid.)
“Wrong number” when putting his phone into his pocket after checking itAnd the ultimate slap in the face
” I was/am devoted to you”
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