- This topic has 19 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 7 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
What is my problem? I’m a smart girl. I know there is no way I should still be having any type of relations with this man. But I am…. I have NO idea what he is up to or with whom. Once again I’m in the “afraid to rock the boat” stage. I feel like it’s a price to keep the peace around here while I figure out my stuff. But at what cost???? Besides the obvious self esteem tear down I’m asking for a good ole case of VD of some sort.
SAH still avoiding talking about ANY of this. Just carries on wanting to “fake” our life to the outside world while he gets to go on his horn fest without having to work at all in hiding it from me. How relaxing his new life must be. He’s having his cake and eating it too. Mother F’er!!! I just want to punch him in the sac right now!!!!!!! AAAAAGGGGHHHH!
You asked what your problem is? Your problem is you are willing to sacrifice yourself to keep the relationship. That will only work shot term….then there is a ggood chance he will toss you aside since he seems to be one of the ones who looks to solve his problems with another person.. If he doesn’t do that, he will escalate the abuse.This will not end well for you, I fear. Karen xx
I’m not sure I know how to stop. It’s like standing there pulling the trigger. I know once I pull it there is no going back and I will have just FF’d our fate into hyperdrive. I just found out Mid April that there was a problem. Prior to that I had a magical wonderful life with great plans for the future. Now a big shit bomb has blown up in my face. I’m terrified of too much change too quickly. I don’t feel like I can breath, or see, or feel or anything right now.
AAAGHHH! Sorry I’m just feeling a little out of control today and need to vent
~Michelle~He’s standing there, holding a knife. Don’t walk into it.
And I might as well mix metaphors: He already pulled the trigger. HE DID IT.
I understand your indecision – I really feel for you…but please, please, realize that you are probably in shock right now and need support for the trauma you are experiencing.
My husband exposed me to Hepititis B. Luckily I did not get a full-blown case.
This is very serious. Take care of yourself – you did nothing wrong – you shouldnt have to worry at all about rocking the boat. He rocked the boat – HE IS MESSING UP! Not you….you need to call it what it is….betrayal of the worst kind.
There is no “going back” any way. Have sex with him if you must ( double condom) but it will just prolong the agony of what`s coming…
Sex is a bonding experience, even if it’s with a Creeper like your SAH, but for the RISK you are taking, tell him to leave $500 on the night stand when you’re done. 😉
Ugh Barbra – that’s awful… I thought the chlamydia I had undetected for years that turned into a full pelvic infection that i suspect has damaged further was bad enough…
HPV, HIV, Hep A,B,C, take your pick and then decide – sleeping with him before disclosure was murder – now its just suicide… just a thought
I hear you all and I agree. Can I please ask for prayers of strength for me. Since he is not willing to talk about the elephant in the room and just ignore it all, when I do take a stand and tell him no I know I’m going to get a huge emotional beat down from him. I’m so weak right it’s hard to stand let alone fight.
Thanks again XO ~Michelle~
mushlrc
((hugs)) I can really empathize with you. I understand the weakness and please be kind to yourself. It is so hard. Do you have any kind of therapy? It took this site and therapy for me to finally be able to open my eyes and be able to stand up for my needs. It’s not easy and I don’t always do it but I am getting stronger and stronger. Right now, you are just in the beginning of this long journey so the best thing you can do is get educated, get support, and try to take care of you. Try not to push it all away in hopes of keeping things the way you thought they were. Take care of you- I will pray for you everyday for strength and clarity.
Love
JulieDear Michele,
I REALLY think you need a good therapist to help you but I am guessing you don’t want him to know that you are seeking help? You say you had a magical life BEFORE discovery BUT you describe a sexless marriage where YOUR sex life consists of dressing up in pantyhose so he can beat off to you. That isn’t a magical life Michelle. That is you being objectified for his gratification? I know you are afraid BUT you cannot control this situation into going your way? No matter what YOU do…he can still turn around and blow you and the kids out of the water. You need to prepare for that eventuality and you need to see a therapist experienced in abuse to help you identify your true options and to clarify what your REAL experience has been with that man. And you def need to protect yourself from disease because if you get sick…who will care for your children? There are a number of women here who have contracted various things from their husbands. It is that much harder to move on and meet another man when you have to explain away genital warts or some other nice gift he brought you home OR possibly HIV and he takes your life.This is serious because you have NO IDEA what he is doing in the 18hours he is working.Please think of yourself and your kids, because he isn’t going to. Karen xx
Just say “NO”.
Lots of normal marriages don’t have sex for some reaason or another.
Just say “NO”.
If he says why,, tell him that for some reason, you’re just not in the mood.
Just say “NO”.
Much love, Claire
This thread is making me cry. WHY are you doing this???!!! You have given him permission to treat you like absolute dog shit:
>You want to have a sex life outside of our marriage–a secret life? OK
>You want me to dress up for you and watch you beat off while none of my emotional or sexual needs are met? OK
>You want to disrespect me and treat me as less than human, yet keep me available for sex, domestic activities, and family time? No problem.
>You want me to put on a good show for the world that hides the fact that you’re a perverted monster. Will do.
I have recently started seeing a councilor. We have established that I am a CAREGIVER and he is CARE RECEIVER. As for my picture perfect life. We were a nice middle class family in a nice home with 3 beautiful children. I was a stay at home mom and homemaker doing what I love most to do. H had a good paying job, we went on family vacations. We never fought. Loved spending time together. The only problem we had was this glitch in the bedroom. Which to me was not that big of a deal. After all, me being the caregiver I thought as long as I was “doing” for him in the bedroom what he NEEDED then that was good enough. My needs were not important and I was okay with that.
He is home early today and I have been avoiding him. It seems that since we don’t connect anymore the way we used to, the new norm has been either ignoring each other on opposite ends of the house or him trying to sex me up. Either way I can’t stand it.
It’s going to be a LONG weekend. 🙁
Thanks again for all your encouragement. {{HUGS}}
~Michelle~Michelle
Your husband is sick. You are enabling for the sake of keeping the family together. Your husband will get worse …you are on a sinking ship unless he seeks help.
You also don’t value yourself…that’s a big problem. You and your kids deserve much more. Nothing will change until you change.
I understand your dilemna very well…(too well unfortunately).
Deb
Dear Mushric,
I think sometimes the journey to a healthy relationship, means we have to take the rose colored glasses off. no matter how thick they are. All of us here, nice middle class families, solid careers, homes and kids, vacations.
Enabling for the “sake of the kids”– dont buy it. Instead get your self a nice anti-biotic for when contract gonorreah. that’s if you are lucky cuz it’s treatable.
Or if you dont’ have the strength to say no? well then, maybe you should imagine your life, (in case you do end up leaving him, OR him leaving YOU) after a wonderful bout with herpes. that way you can join “herpes dating clubs” etc, an narrow the thinning dating pool of good men down even more. won’t that be fun. aaah the gift that keeps on giving…how sweet. even after he’s done with you.
that’s where this goes. Seriously, condoms and dble condoms. I would tell him no more sex until he’s tested. that is if you care about your health. if you don’t fine, but your kids do. they need you. and they need you drug and disease free. keep sleeping with your H, while he is untreated. toss a coin as to whether you get something or not. the risks are real. take off the glasses. and value your health. no man, or person, is worth that.
hope i don’t sound harsh. but the health risks are no joke. you are loved and appreaciated, and needed and important to the world. don’t treat your body/health as less. no excuses. none. with love….
- The forum ‘Relationships’ is closed to new topics and replies.