JoAnn’s New Website The Brotherhood Of Support

No I think it should just be men because men and wan are so different. Just my opinion.

I understand the concept and have that tendency to want to help. And I am excited about the possibility to have a greater cross gender understanding and conversation about this partner of SA experience.

I am a bit conflicted, though. Probably because this is still pretty new to me, and because of the level of violence in the porn I’ve seen, all men against women. Being here on SOS feels safer to me because men aren’t here. That is probably very discriminatory, but the fact is, it’s a man who put this pain in my life, and I do not expect any man to understand it. I wonder if the men might feel the same about women when their partner is an SA? Would it dilute the intimacy and safety of their experience?

Is it possible to have a few protected forums where women can chime in? Or have a forum here where questions from them are posted for response?

That is asking a LOT of you, JoAnn.

Just my thoughts.

So, having said that, did I say you are so generous for reaching out to them, too? Beautiful

I would love to help. They must feel even more alone that we do considering they are in the minority, and there’s barely any support resources out there at all. I truly feel for them.

I have never met a male partner, but I have always thought that men partner of sex addicts would be the only men out there who probably can understand us. I think it would be helpful to be able to interact with men who have been through such similar deep pain and betrayal. For me, it may open the door for me to understand all men aren’t evil addicts, they do indeed have hearts, they love, they feel, they are human.

I agree that men and woman are different, and it’s probably best for them that they have a private safe area like we have, but if there were some joint sections where we could share interaction I believe it would be mutually helpful for both groups of partners’ healing.

I think it’s awesome you are doing this for them, JoAnn.

Is it possible to have a “3rd space”, not an entirely new website or anything major, but kind of like situated in between SOS and BOS so there’s no direct invading of either. If that makes sense. So if some of them or us did want to have discussions it’s available to whichever members would like to be involved, and those who don’t will still feel protected.

Damaged people of the opposite sex do NOT need to be advising /consoling each other. Recipe for total disaster. I am SAFE on this site and that`s how I need it. The men may or may not know it but they need to feel safe also…

And certainly NO pics or privaye info!!

Let`s keep in mind how vulnerable and shattered even the strongest are….

I know you were Nap.. But what you said was true..

I think that if women were on the BOS site that it would be inevitable that a male of an SA and a female of an SA would likely hook up. I mean they already have one BIG HUGE thing in common.

Maybe then the female SA’s and the male SA’s can hook up and eventually the world will be a better place!

Claire

In an ideal world all of us wounded would come together and heal; however, I am afraid of predators. We all know how deviant the SA’s can be. They will come and post on a site like this (if we were co-ed) just to get a piece of the action. (YES I KNOW I AM PARANOID!! The anonymity would be gone. I am afraid of the dating websites because people may actually want to contact me…)

On the same token, my heart yearns for someone of the opposite sex, and a differing point of view, on this matter. Us women are objectified left and right in the media, yet I cannot help but think about men who have to deal with the “love addicts”, “gold diggers” or what ever you want to call them. Town whores. Floozies. We all know them.

Well, think about the other side of the coin. Men who want a human, a woman, with whom they can talk, and they meet “the superwoman” who promises everything (even more that the ol’ Scarlett could). Not only are they going to get the trophy wife, the sex slave, but a brilliant career woman too!! And what do they end up with? A floozy, a druggie, a cheater, a flunkie, an actual hardcore junkie… I know it’s not common occurrence, but I have seen it too. Long distance relationships in the military…. need I say more…

I remember dating boys, and having friends in college, who wanted to talk to me because of things I had to say. Because I had an opposing point of view. Or maybe just a DIFFERENT point of view. I remember opposing to things just for the sake of argument… (some of my fondest memories of my short life of 40 years 😉 ) I remember being “equal” with someone, albeit very different, opposing as sexes can be, whilst still… well equal.

At what point did we begin to argue over the illusion of “woman’s place”, or “man’s duties” (I am not even going with the role playing in bed) when we should have looked at the real human beings behind the “roles” we are supposed to play in this society? Who are the people supporting this [your] community? Mothers? Fathers? SA’s? Floozies? Junkies? Jerry Sandusky…?

Who is going to have the guts to say to someone: “You’re so f**d up, man/woman!”? Who is going to point out the delusion of/by marketing the botox, boy-shorts, or perfect complexion? Or Audi A4 (5 or whatever the decade may be by now)?

As you can see I am sick and tired of gender roles we are supposed to fill. And how marketing feeds on these illusions of how men or women should be. At what point can we call SA a cultural disease, or a personality disorder? Can a personality disorder really depend on a culture? What about heart disease? I know I am getting theoretical here, but if we are looking for a diagnosis for SA these are the questions we should be asking ourselves.

Thanks, Bev. We all will be fine in the end. We all will be FANTASTIC!!! 🙂

When I see SOS and BOS I don’t know, it makes me giggle to think it really should be SOB, not BOS….

I’m sorry. It just made me giggle a bit.

I think your suggestion was very sensible, JoAnn. I trust in your moderation and I feel comfortable with my boundaries, so I have no problem with helping the brothers get started, if they are comfortable with it, too.

I mean, if it starts out with just a few guys who are all new to this, they might be a bit lost while they find their way. Which is fine if that is their preference. But having some experienced people to help guide them isn’t a bad idea.