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Seventeen texts and two emails this am. Before (and why) I installed the text blocker. Things I’ve done wrong. I had to see them to delete them. Including an enormous one at 1:52am which listed 30 ugly names – I’ve called him throughout this process – ending with “I wrote these down so we could address them later when you could admit how you’ve publically humiliated me”. Wow, I’m creative, eh? Good thing he doesn’t know the other 100 I thought of calling him.
It is just too much, too surreal and too exhausting. He’s doing this because I refused to talk to him at all.
I kid you not, the last sentence in the last text is “I keep fighting for us.”
There is no way to do anything but simply change my numbers. I just can’t take it. He may turn off the phones and discontinue all money. It’s better than going mad. This is a Twilight Zone or Alfred Hitchcock movie. “No escaping SA vampire”
It’s frightening, actually. He couldn’t have slept for the last three days, doing this. He has to be having a breakdown. How can he work while he’s keeping this up? He’s going to lose his new job, and then I guess he couldn’t send money or pay for the phones anyway.
I am scared of him. Better go have that gun cleaned and serviced tomorrow.
OMG, Lynn. Hang in there. I have often wished I could block a certain number from texts or calling on my cell phone. Maybe the phone company can do it?
Mine does the same thing with both emails and texts. If my kids or I respond to one, we get an avalanche. And they are so long.
He does it to my son on the phone, too. Kept him on for up to an hour every day, day after day. My son was too polite to get off. So now he won’t answer the phone.
I don’t know what to tell you except I understand what it’s like, and it is maddening.
Thanks Teri,
The phone company could do it, but the phones are in SAH’s name, and he pays the bills and has all the passwords. I tried, they won’t do anything without them.
That’s why I downloaded the free blocker app. Seems to be working today. I sure hope so. I have no idea where all those texts will go, or if SAH can see that I’ve blocked them. Maybe important information about the houses is being lost. Offers or something. At this point, all I care about is just being left ALONE,
I’ve been overseas twice since dday for just that very reason. Darn cell phone won’t work out of the country!
Lynn, He is obsessed, crazy. My heart goes out to you. I don’t blame you for being frightened and scared. Take care of yourself.
God, Lynn, it just never ends, does it? Any way you could just change to one of those pay-as-you-go phones? Give the new number out to only those you trust? In the meantime, good idea about the gun. I’m serious, by the way.
Lynn,
He is obsessing and he’s getting more and more desperate. I’m worried for you too. I like Liza’s idea about the pay ad you go phone. He wouldn’t even know you have it. He’s really stalking you and he’d better fkg stop. I have a feeling he wouldn’t get rid of the phone or money because it gives him a sense of control which he obviously needs. Really, if you’re scared, call the police because your life is worth so much more than this. Thinking of you and hes escalating his madness.
Love, NapJust a note to say the day without the freaky texts has helped me calm down. The text blocker is working. I still don’t know where they go, and don’t care.
On my way to get my daughter’s high school schedule for the new year, and then the gun shop. Have someone coming over to install deadbolts later today.
What a job this has become, escaping. Sisters, we are the bomb to be able to have a life, children, and manage this chaos, too. And those of you working, you deserve a medal for handling all that.
On page 112 of my book, now.
March,
Was he really that creepy? I still have only seen it once, and at the taping I was way to nervous to notice. It was taking all my energy to speak clearly and not cry.
From what I saw, he never really admitted anything except calling women he considered friends to have conversation. He kept pulling the conversation back around from him to the treatment philosophy and how he saw that. That’s him to a T. He can argue these points, treatment, history, etc. with the best of his psychiatrists. No remorse. He says he cries about it. I’ve never seen him.
His arguments lately have me stunned, too. Like, my spitting on him when I learned of his unprotected sex with prostitutes was all about MY CROSSING THE LINE because I couldn’t understand HIS motivations for doing that.
I guess he is creepy. When I think about it. He’s all in his head. No soul. No heart. But why could I not see that when we were dating? I was being as careful as I knew how, not relying on my own attractions or feelings. I had the men I met go through so many barriers. I was SO BURNED after what happened with the prince, my ex and the children’s father, who put the blasting comments on AC.
I went out on 3 dates (with 3 different men, not with SAH) and then froze the account because I was SO SCARED. Five months later, unfroze the account and went out with one guy 4 times (friends still, no real chemistry, he’s the guy whose friends have the band) and decided I was just too scarred and would just be happy alone. I froze my account with the dating service indefinitely. They called me a few times when new members joined they thought it was worth the effort to try to introduce me to. SAH was one of them. I said not now. It was a computer glitch that let SAH get my number and email. Why oh why oh WHY did I go to coffee with him? He put me so at ease, I thought I could relax and not be scared. This really hurts my self confidence. What more could I have done to be safe? Will I ever be safe? I know that’s a standard PTSD issue and I am working on it, but I really doubt I will ever feel safe around a man again.If everone thinks SAH is so creepy, why didn’t I?
You do now! Now, stop crying and celebrate that creep is almost out of your life!! I`m sure that if my h was on a video that all of us could see, he would be labeled creepy too. We all have a big radar for creepy now!! Don`t cry. He`s not worth one more damn tear.
Love You!!!
No, I’m crying about me and my lack of discernment for men. I can’t see the awfulness. I have been married 4 times!!! First one abandoned me and went to Japan after 6 months of marriage (funny, that happened to my maternal great grandmother, too) Second one was military, Airforce IT specialist, met some women on an install in Alaska and literally kicked me out of the car and left me on the side of the road when he took off to be with her, third was the children’s father, and he’s shown his colors pubilically now: a con extraordinaire, and now SAH.
I am a creep magnet.
I am SO HAPPY on my own, I literally avoid men when I am on my own, because they are so dangerous to me. Except, I have had two male friends for the last 20 years of my life. Little except phone contact, but they are dear to me. Point is, I’m not out there desperate to have a man. SAH said that to me once, in the beginning of SA that he was the one who was hoodwinked because I was so desperate to get married. I shut him up with “I’ve had 3 marriage proposals between my ex and you. You were the 4th. If I was desperate I would have been married 3 years before we met.”
And it’s not boasting. I really can’t figure it out. Why me? And why, when I’ve obviously had other choices, do I end up with the nut cases. I don’t enable, I shut the fools down. But at 48 years old, with two children, I just don’t have the energy to keep slamming the door and leaving with nothing. And everyone sees the idiots for what they are, except me.
Sorry, Bev. Pity party. I’ll be ok and it’s sure not your fault.
Me too, Lynn. Creep magnet. Trying to figure it all out in therapy.
Problem with your SA is, he’s so damned ugly. He just is. Inside and out. And you’re so lovely. I can’t for the life of me see how YOU could have been attracted to HIM. I’m sorry, I know that’s not helping…But you need to keep a mirror handy.
I love a good pity party:)
Lynn, life just sucks sometimes. The more we scramble to figure it all out, the quicker they change the rules on us. Take an inventory ( after the pity party) of the good. Bet there is a lot there…Don`t worry over any more men for now 🙂
Lynn,
You deserve a pity party now and then after what you have been through. 4 miserable marriages- that just plain sucks. I can understand why you don’t trust yourself.Do you find any guys creepy?
Remember, we saw your SAH on a news show talking about his own SA. So he probably was in full-blown SA avoiding, denial, blame-shifting mode (while trying to sound likable and reasonable- hard to pull all that off). It’s easier to pull one therapist off topic by debating the academics of SA than a bunch of SA-savvy spouses.
When you met him, he was probably relaxed talking about things he liked or in full prince charming mode.
That still doesn’t get to the question of how to avoid assholes in the first place. I have the same fear. I’m thinking long period of friendship followed by long, slow courtship with polygraph, background check and complete sweep of their computer.
Teri,
I do find a lot of guys creepy. And I give them a wide, wide margin. I am very reserved. I was raised Espiscopalian in a small southern town. The term LADY was our whole existence. The worst thing my grandma could ever say to me was “that’s not very ladylike”. SAH said that was one thing he noticed right away and thought I was not going to be a good match for him because I was a bit aloof. LOL! If only he had kept that impression and walked away. It was seeing me with my children that changed that for him. He wanted into that club, that warmth. Damn why did I open the door even a crack?
re: “I’m thinking long period of friendship followed by long, slow courtship with polygraph, background check and complete sweep of their computer.”
That would probaby do it. At this point, I can’t see myself feeling any relationship is worth the triggers that would present. Even the word courtship turns my stomach now.
The dating service I met SAH through did background, employment, and reference checks. And there were two women interviewers who came across as so streetwise and savy, that these guys had to pass an application interview with to even get on the list. But SAH squeezed through while he was STILL MARRIED!!!
Argh
I don’t want to feel hopeful about any future relationships. And that’s bad, but where I am right now. I just want to be left alone.
Pout. Sniff.
I’ll improve with a few … months?
You said there was a computer glitch… Wow – I often say to myself there must have been a glitch in the system…. aka life/world/fate/god. This wasn’t meant to happen to me, but there was a glitch. It is the only way I get my mind around it.
I think those dating services need to start using polygraphs too. Do they now know WHO they set you up with?
Yes Lynn, he was creepy. My best friend watched that show too and she was freaked out by him. He left a scum ring.
But look at you now. In your own home. Blocking texts. Talking sense. As beautiful as ever. A Southern Lady. A good mother….And apparently on your way to the gun shop?!?!? Hilarious!
I’ll never get this Americans and their guns thing.
Flat head shovel.Diane,
A flathead shovel would be so much more satisfying. But a little hard to squeeze into my purse.
lynng2- I, too have been marriage 4 times. The two following my marriage to the boy’s dad of 28 yrs. were very short. Once I found out what they were, I was out of there.
I seem to be a magnet for dysfunctional men, as well. My first husband was schizotypal pd, the second was seeing prostitutes, the third was a PGA golf instructor and screwing his students. Then, I met the most masterful of all in manipulation – my soon to be Ex h. During the 10 yrs. before meeting Steve, I dated a shit load of men, and was quick to spot a phony. It was usually 1-2 dates and out. But, Steve was so good at lying and projecting the “perfect man” image, that it went right on over me. Don’t beat yourself up. You are a loving kind woman, and I believe these men prey on our type. Someone they can maintain a “normal” looking relationship with. I really think it makes the SA feel more normal.
A Therapist colleague friend of mine to me in picking a man, always pick one that at first glance comes across as rather boring. He was so right, because looking back, the men I picked always were very gregarious and had a flair for the glimmer and the glamour. Next time, if there ever is one, I will pick a man who is definitely BORING.
Sorry you are having a rough time. I like the flathead shovel idea, but actually castration appeals to me the most.
Hugs.
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