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I’ve been off the SOS line for awhile, preparing 4 kids for another school year. I filed for divorce in May and my STBX is using every delay tactic he can think of not to move out. I’m in Wisconsin, a no-fault state, where the house is marital property so the only way I can “kick him out” is if he become violent (I can call the Police) or if he takes up with a Floosy and moves out on his own (I can change the locks and claim he abandoned the property.) My Temporary Order Hearing is on it’s second delay by their side and I’m just barely holding on to my sanity. I have some live support in friends and some extended family….but they often say things like: “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” and “Sounds like God is testing your faith.” And I want to scream: GOD DOES GIVE PEOPLE MORE THAN THEY CAN HANDLE, BUT HE OBVIOUSLY HAS NEVER GIVEN YOU ENOUGH SUFFERING TO KNOW THAT! and YEAR OF TESTED FAITH?! I’M GOING ON A DECADE OF TESTED FAITH!!! I know people don’t know what to say or how to help, I mean this isn’t cancer–they can’t host a fundraiser and (apparently) they don’t want to send money, or bring a hot meal to my door. Most don’t even want to talk about it….and that’s why I am so VERY GRATEFUL for all of you! In my darkest moments, when I’m scared and lonely, I log on here and I feel love, support, hope again. I feel stronger when I’m connected to all of you. Thank you!
~Helen xoMe too!! Private message me your address and gifts will be sent your way!!
Ps- perhaps you and hadj are neighbors??
God did not give any of this to any of us.
That’s just really bad theology and I’m glad you called it like it is HR.
People need to take responsibility for their actions, and their responses to the actions of others, and stop making God responsible.sending you a virtual casserole. fuck casseroles.
sending you a virtual gourmet meal. private message me your address too.
Sweet Sisters….thank you!!! You have all given me more than any meals on wheels ever could!! 😀 Now these “friends” who keep wanting to know my update and then offer some lame, unhelpful religious chit chat….God help wthe next person, cuz I just migjt drop these friends from my Christmas Card list!!! ;-D (My mobile posts are tricky…please forgive my typos!)
I literally ran from my home this time when I discovered my husband had never stopped. I left everything for him to manage. Even the cupcakes from our daughters “moving away” party. I hope they are covered in mold when he gets home.
I threw out anything I didn’t want to see again. My wedding dress, other dresses that I had worn for special occasions, my “renewal” wedding dress from when we renewed our vows last year. WHAT A JOKE!!!!
He is in treatment until September 14. I move into my new home on Saturday with my girls. I am literally calling it the house that “God Built”. I have not a single piece of furniture with me. I only took the few items that meant something to me. I am trusting that people will emerge and furnish this home for me on Saturday. I am trusting it will be a safe place for me.
As I told you when I joined just a little while ago. My support group was throwing all these “Bible versus” at me. I kept saying, “I am inviting God into all my plans.” I did the rebuild the foundation and go to therapy for three years, do the disclosure and rebuild intimacy. There is nothing I need in my home. I fit all that I want into a car and got the hell out of there.
I am just waiting. Trusting. Praying. And cleansing out my heart as I prepare to start new.
Didi
Didi,
You are so right what you are doing for yourself and your kids. I threw away my wedding dress and even wrote a poem about it. I had to see my xh the other day for a few hrs and couldn’t even look at him. The betrayal hendid for so long then the divorce the way he behaved through it all, I just can’t stand him. When it comes to our kids I’m cordial, otherwise, all I see is a snake in the grass.Yes, thank goodness for this site and all the sisters that “get it”.
While I was on vacation, a few “friends” cornered me to tell me that I need to move on. They had been divorced (so that makes them experts), and they thought I had dwelled on it long enough. They told me I could make a choice when I get up in the morning what I am going to do/whether or not to be happy. They have no clue what I am going through, nor did they want to listen.
Helen, it is just damn good to have people in your life who have a clue and will listen. Don’t even bother with the rest. Be thankful for them that they have not had enough hardship in their lives to understand what you are going through. I wish I was so oblivious!
Didi, hang in there. You find out who your real friends are when you go through this. And sometimes angels appear out of nowhere and help carry you through. You’ll rebuild your life again with time and it will be all yours.
Didi, and rest: I do think we find out who are real friends are during this ordeal. And if and when we decide to leave, our real supporters are there, or not. some may go away for awhile and resurface– and some may never come back.
And it’s all good. Just move in the truth–
I have tried to talk about this with a couple of people and it is exhausting. They do not understand and I do not have the energy to explain.
Helen – yes! this site is such a haven. and sometimes my only oasis of sanity and perspective when i’m desperately looking for understanding. yesterday, during an EMDR session with my therapist to resource me for negotiations with my XSA on the house stuff and the transition (read: not giving him another chance), she asked me to visualize a person or spiritual being that is “in my corner”. i immediately said, “the SOS sisters!” So grateful to have you all here and hopeful that i will be able to offer something to this community.
Didi – good for you and best of luck with this transition. we got your back sis!
Helen and Didi, i would love to send you both something, if you can message me your addresses.
xo
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