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I found this video profound. The fact that the addict is burying deep dark feelings in one aspect of their lives with SA but they don’t realize that all the aspects of their lives are affected. You can’t just leave out parts or think they won’t be affected. Please have a look at this video I’d love a discussion about it.
that was great! my coach, lili, at posarc had told me that you can’t just numb out the negative feelings, so i had heard that from her.
i think she is spot on. it’s a little hard, 7 months into this, full on ptsd, to understand what happens to you when you feel the negative emotions pretty much all the time.
and when the joy and positive emotions will start to even out..
That was incredible! I love TedTalks, we watch a lot of them in my graduate program. Thanks so much for posting this link. What she said makes so much sense to me on so many levels.
Daisy
Absolutely great talk. I also love TedTalks.
If only the SA’s in our lives could understand.
Duhhhh……..pipe dream. ~ JoAnn
Tiredofit, thank you for sharing this with us. I thought it was profound too, makes a lot of sense and she’s an excellent speaker.
Adding to the thoughts the TedTalk brought to my mind is a quote from one of Louise Penny’s books. This is a quote from Pascal: “Most unhappiness comes from not being able to sit quietly in a room.” This really resonated with me and reminded me of what was said in the TedTalk. The fear of being vulnerable, the need to fill the empty places inside with SOMETHING, and the inability to sit quietly with oneself all seem to me to be the hallmarks of an addict.
Yeah I agree with you Daisy. I don’t think my H likes himself very much. That makes sense to me. He’s only by himself when he’s doing his thing with the computer or one of his stockpiled fantasies. He doesn’t understand when I tell him I need some time to myself. There’s lot of negative talk going on in that brain. In the days when I didn’t know about or understand the projection aspect my God the things he used to say to me were devastating. For no reason he’d attack me with the worst verbal abuse I’d ever heard of never mind living through it. Now that I understand it I can see the battle he’s waging with himself. It’s really sad. But he is my best radar to know if he’s up to something. I’ve learned I didn’t need to snoop all I had to do was watch him. The tirades means there’s some sort of hanky panky going on. Vulnerability isn’t in his vocabulary. There’s too much self-hatred.
That’s interesting Tiredofit, with my H I’ve noticed when he starts asking me if something is wrong or if I’m upset or is something bothering me that usually means he’s doing something he shouldn’t be. He’s projecting his guilt onto me and thinking I’m upset about something. So I guess he’s my best radar too! I’m very lucky in some ways because my H has never been verbally abusive to me, just very closed off at times. It just horrifies me what some of my sisters have been through with their SAs. It’s almost too terrible to believe and yet I do believe it and realize that I’ve been pretty lucky so far. Of course I also know from some of the stories that he could change in an instant and become just like the other monsters I read about here.
For sure. Journal it. The incidents will all line up with the habits. Just like clockwork. My monster came to life on D-day.
Hy ex couldnt stand to be on his own, not even for 5 minutes. I could never understand it but it makes sense now. I’m waiting to see him reveal himself properly without the mask – Ive seen glimpses recently and I know its there, but yet to see it in all its glory. thanks to this site I am going to work on being prepared.x
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