Take Care of Yourself

every day, i try to do two things for myself.

find some joy
do something that reaches out to the future to make things better for myself.

the joy may be going to a cafe, watching my favourite show, reading, a long bath.

making things better for myself might be cleaning out a closet, going to the dentist, seeing a lawyer.

sometimes i fake it.

but it gives me a sense of power and helps me remember that i am worth both joy and investment in the future.

My counselor gave me a small list, and it’s a great start.

Have breakfast every day, even if it’s just toast and coffee.
Take a 30 minute walk, at least, every day.
Spend 30 minutes in the sunshine every day. If it’s cloudy, go to a mall or somewhere bright for 30 mins.
Those two really go together, so in the first 40 mins of the day I can feel I’ve “checked off” my requirements. And I feel better, too.

Little things, but to do them, I had to get moving each morning, and that helped me.

I have been doing something I have wanted to or meant to do as often as possible. I hike on a local trail as often as possible. On Sat I’m going on a hike there with a group that teaches rope climbing. I’ve seen people do that up there all my life and always wanted to try. No idea if I have the upper body strength now, but it’s worth a try.

I have been calling someone every week who I’ve lost touch with and trying to make a lunch date or at least talk a bit. To remember who I was before this, and reconnect.

Hi katmandew,

I understand your question and have felt very frustrated myself when I have been offered this advice. Somehow when I was at the deepest, darkest agony of emotions, taking care of myself seemed like an odd thing to tell me to do.

If someone were hit by a car and lay on the ground bleeding, would you tell them to take care of themselves? As you all know, this is how bad we often can feel when we are hurting. I have come to realize that when someone says “take care of yourself” it is a caring way to tell someone that you understand that they need healing and to allow yourself to take the time you need to do it.

The other component to this is the idea that you are not supposed to concentrate on his healing. Again, this seems like an odd thing to tell someone who has just been hit by the train of sex addiction. I needed to understand what kind of problem I was dealing with. It is not like I knew anything about this concept that was being thrown at my heals. Sometimes I felt like I was being told not to pay attention to that snake that is slithering by as I sit in the grass. Do you really think that I can concentrate on anything else when this snake might bite me?

Going through this is a nightmare. It is one of those things that unless you have been here, one can’t really totally understand the multi faceted emotions that are part of dealing with it. This is why connecting to others here on SOS has been such a blessing. For me having the validation of others who can identify with what I am going through is such a pressure relief in terms of having someone who understands.

Taking care of myself has come to mean giving myself the time and space I need to go through the emotions and stress involved with wrapping our minds around what has happened. Trying hard not to feel guilty about the wallowing that I sometimes need to do when feeling a really dark day. At the same time learning when I do need to push myself a little harder to get out of the murk. Most of all understanding for myself when the murk is just to heavy, and I need time to grieve (especially when well meaning friends and family members do not understand and think I should be further along in my sorrow)

Very well said, Cindy. And it is true, people do expect you to be further along, or not to waiver. Just to have more control over the whole scenario than anyone possibly could. Until you feel grief like this, you don’t know how it overpowers you.

PS Saturday is my college football day. Have to watch my favorite team!!! I also love to go to all the local fall craft shows and festivals. I went to a Greek festival a couple weeks ago with 2 friends from bunko. The food was wonderful!!!