I think I am divorced

cindy, i don’t know what to say either. other than i love you, and am speechless. wishing you strength.

even in this dark moment you are thinking of others. you are wonderful. i’m so sorry.

What the hell was your lawyer doing? This was mediation! If the offer sucked, you walk away and say “see you in court.” Were these Final Orders you were mediating?

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. It sounds horrific. I’m not sure what can be done about it now, but I would check my options if I were you. Mediation gives general terms and details are usually drawn up later in the long form. So if you think something is wrong or you feel like you didn’t understand, you usually agree to go back the mediator but they will stick to their notes on what was agreed on, so I don’t know if there is any wiggle room there. Also, the judge still has to sign off on it and they are supposed to keep an eye out for anything that’s off, so maybe that’s an opportunity?

I could be wrong but it seems to me that if you got screwed it is not your fault or even your SA’s fault but your attorney’s fault. Your attorney should have been protecting you instead of apologizing for him fucking up your life! It is so important to have an attorney that is a bulldog and understands guys like this- either addiction or high conflict divorce.

Cindy, it could be really helpful for everyone to hear your experience so they could learn from it- all the gory details. If you feel able to share them.

I am so sorry. It is so hard to protect yourself from these guys. They are master manipulators and assholes. I am so upset that this happened to you.

Hi Cindy, I hear your shock and dismay at the recent events in your life. I am so sorry that you are going through this and I feel your pain. That’s the way it is with these assholes they inflict trauma and confusion into our lives. Nothing seems fair and balanced. I literally just changed attorneys yesterday. March brought it home to me that I was still walking with tiptoes as my SAH messes with my own livelihood. He threw me to the curb and started a new life. Yesterday, I just received another hospital bill for $5000. The asshole wouldn’t put me on his insurance so now I will pay out of pocket. After receiving the text that it was over and later finding out he called an escort service I fell apart. The hotel arranged to take me to the emergency room because I was so devastated and distraught. They kept me overnight and released me the next day. SAH never responded to their phone calls. I never felt so low and alone in my life. The Miami trip costs me thousands of dollars and so much pain and agony. It is more of the same bullshit, destruction. That is what he brought to my life, destruction. I haven’t even posted here yet that we were not able to have our own children. I wonder how much the SA contributed to that? For the last year we were in the process of bonding and trying to adopt my godchild. It was the happiest that I ever felt in so long as she and I grew very close. She loved me. She played with me. It was a real relationship. Then, I discovered that the SA was acting out again. Then I found his drugs. He was never committed to adopting this child just as he was never committed to starting a family. He would not even be able to pass a drug test. Then he got the DUI. Then he dumped me and moved to Miami. I just called off the home study. I realize that it is for the best for Mary Jane. But I know my fragility with our breakup was compounded by losing this sweet girl, the chance to a parent.

As I write I am thinking to myself why I am writing about me when Cindy is in so much pain? It’s because I do truly understand the pain and devastation. The consequences of his actions and behavior and the instability it brought to me life. My confidence and self-esteem have really taken a hit. In Miami, I honestly thought that I did not want to go on anymore. I still think about how I will make it from this point forward. All’s I can say is that I KNOW we are good people, and loving wives. We gave our hearts to men who truly hurt us and can hurt us as long a they are in our lives. I am finding that the more I move in the direction of separating myself from him it is my only hope at a brighter future.

You are right … they are narcissitic sociopaths … pyschos. Do whatever you can to get more clarity about this. You do not deserve this. Don’t give up. Keep fighting. I hope that you are able to settle everything and try to sort this out. Stand tall and carry a big stick. Best, Bren.

Cindy, I don’t know what to say. I have no experience with legal dealings but I do know that when someone walks out of a mediation and does not even really know what happened then that’s not right.

I am so sorry and I hope and pray that maybe you have some recourse. Try to find the strength to call another attorney and get you case reviewed. I understand it’s the last thing you feel like doing but the whole thing sounds shaky.

I will be sending prayers your way.

Thank you daisy!

Oh Cindy, my sweet sister, don’t give up! Good advice from the Sisters and especially Daisy…. Please girl, just stay strong for a little longer. We’ll hold you up, and I promise by God, we’ll find you some justice. I love you, Liza

Cindy, I think you would have had to sign something, a final judgement that says you agree to the terms of the settlement. Did your lawyer have you sign anything? Given that it was a mediation, papers wouldn’t have been prepared that contained the contents of what was discussed at the mediation. I would call your lawyer first thing tomorrow morning and insist on a meeting with him. I would also take someone else with you that listen for you and make sure everything is clear.

I cannot believe that the courts, and mired as they are in paper and process, would work in that way.

Hang in there. You may not be done, and it may end better than this.

Sandy

Cindy – My heart is aching for you. I agree with Sunny. The purpose of Mediation is for the two of you to reach an amiable agreement that is fair and reasonable for the both of you. Obviously,.That didn’t happen, so I do not understand how final papers can be filed with the court and the divorce is now final. You have to sign the agreement, as does your h. At least that is how it works in kansas. If the two of you do not reach an agreement in mediation, a court hearing should be scheduled and the case heard before a judge with both of you presenting your case.
My recent divorce was heard before the judge. He asked both of us if we felt the property settlement agreement was fair and reasonable. If one of us said no, the judge would have made the ruling.
Did your lawyer draw up a property settlement agreement? Most attorney’s do not like to go into mediation or divorce court without one. Then, as I said, if one of you refused to sign in mediation, it is up to the judge to make the ruling.
Sounds like your attorney is a dipshit. Please nail him to the wall and get some answers. If your divorce was granted, then I would request a hearing with the judge and explain that you have no idea what went on in mediation. (Get a bull-dog attorney and take him with you.)-You were not informed! Therefore, request he take your demands into consideration before making a decision to grant the divorce. This all sounds totally illegal to me. Both parties have to be equally informed of any decision made in mediation.
Keep us all posted, and my prayers are with you.

Cindy,

How could that happen? Doesn’t sound like the attorney did much for you at all – can you do what Sharron suggested? after all it was just the mediation? does your attorney know the fragile state you are in right now? Is there a church nearby you can go sit in and tell God everything? (Catholic churches are usually open during the day and Jesus is present in the tabernacle if you don’t have a regular church you go to) Say this prayer over and over and ask the Blessed Mother to intercede for you – you really need some grace to get you through this right now.

Hail Mary Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy wound Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death Amen.

I am crying with you, you are not alone. God Bless you.

Yes Cindy…..I hope you are ok and finding out something potentially positive. I am thinking about you…… Karen x

me too…

Hugs Cindy, wishing you some good news.