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So, maybe this is TMI, but I spoke to my therapist today about what sex with my boyfriend was like. I use the past tense because it’s not happening again. Of course, he can’t keep it up and has to masturbate to get off. But more disturbing — and it’s been getting worse over time — is that it’s like a freaking Olympic sport. Have any of you had this experience? What was wrong with me that I didn’t think that something was off?
Mine didn’t do the olympic sport stuff ( with me). I think all of them had some sexual weirdness though. At one point, I suspected my H might be gay. I said that to him and he flipped a lid. It was a HUGE fight. It was a long time ago and I am sure now that sent him straight to the nearest hooker. I’m glad I did it now. At the time I felt bad about it…
Have you ever seen A Clockwork Orange? So tonight I decided to do what I’m calling “repulsion” therapy. He called to say goodnight and I called up the website of the $650/hr porn star/escort that he was with — the one that he sent an email to afterwards to thank her for a GREAT time. It worked.
I may puke….The patheticness ( if that’s a word) of a man sending a thank you note to a hooker….Good grief. I swear this stuff is just twilight zone material.
I would print out that damn thank you e-mail and frame it for him. Nothing could be sadder than a thank you note to a whore!!!
Bless his heart, he is insane.
Now he is trying to impress hookers? He didn’t get the memo that they don’t give a fuck about him?
You really need to stay away from him. He is a nut.
I can’t believe he doesn’t suspect that you know. But he is delusional,. I’ll give him that…
Ugh. My DW doesn’t do hookers (that I know of), but he’s a total narc about his body these days.
Twilight Zone indeed, Bev.
yeah, it’s pretty sad. i keep thinking about his tubby belly and ugly toenails.
does he sound worse than most? i have no way to gauge the severity of his sickness, but it is really out there.
i’m sure he knows that i know. i can’t believe how attentive he is being now that i’ve detached.
i can tell he is trying to re-enact some weird child/parent thing. like i’m the disapproving parent, and he’s the little boy who misbehaved and is now trying to be nice.
so weird.
Bev, would love to hear more about why your husband possibly being gay was going through your head. In the last few years before discovery, I would find myself strangely wishing he were gay, because I think it would have been emotionally safer for me to explain his decreased interest in sex with me that way, in an “I can’t compete with this” kind of way. I didn’t say it to him, though, because I thought he was way too aware of attractive women to actually be gay.But there were times when I not only wished he were, but wondered if he was. It never occurred to me that he was having sex with anyone else.
Courtney and Bev,
It’s called “sexual anoerexia”….they are afraid of intimacy so they avoid it like the plague with anyone close to them.
Of course, with hookers, it’s fine. And of course, they love to blame us if the frequency was down. Or if the moon was too bright, or the dishwasher wasn’t stacked quite right.Being gay would be better for them (and us), that’s for sure.
Deb
SP – I love the “repulsion therapy” idea…I have to try that.
Yours thanked his hookers via email? Lovely.
Mine took his first one flowers and a box of candy. Sounds like something that Forrest Gump would have done. Oh dear god. Can they really be that stupid?
Deb
And just think if they were gay ~ we would always have someone to watch chick flicks with who would openly weep with us at the sad parts. Someone to help us pick out the perfect outfit for what ever the occasion was, and someone to help us find the perfect spot for the new vase we just had to buy. It would be perfect!
I to thought, hoped, mine was gay too for the same reason.. I would have preferred that actually.
I was disappointed that he wasn’t when I started finding this crap out … ugh . now instead he is just a pig….Some are really gay, some are bi, and some are uni, some like teenagers, some like group or more than one, some are into animals (they usually join the circus) Some love trannys, some like children, some like grannys, some like women who are the younger version of their mother, some like really skinny or really large woman, some like petite brunettes with firm breasts (my Xh), some like large breast, some like small breast, then we get into the fetishes. I think I’ll stop here whew!!!
Trish, I am going to laugh about those comments for the rest of the day!
It’s kind of a relief to know I’m not the only one who wished or wondered about him being gay, I used to feel bad about that, and then since d-day, hadn’t thought about it til I read Bev’s post.SP — YES. That’s what it was like for us. The “olympic” effort, intensity, him trying to get off and needing to masturbate to do so because he’d get tired before he could finish. They’re just too conditioned to need an unrealistic level of stimulation.
It’s so obvious NOW.
ETA: As for “repulsion therapy” (love that!), I have been doing a little of that, too. It helps me remember who he actually is and what he did when I start mourning the loss of that “good guy” I love. I’ve visited some of the sites he frequented and re-read his emails soliciting women. Yup, they’re still there. Still real. Still appalling.
I said to my STBX once “Maybe you’re gay.” Because the sex was infrequent and so emotionally detached.
Too funny how that has happened with so many of us.
I wouldn’t call mine an Olympic Sport. More like a marathon torture session. I would often be raw and chafed to the point of bleeding sometimes. And it would like 4 hours a night every night, starting at midnight or later. Until I said stop and then he would have a fit. Good times.
Our sex life was always pretty good. About 2 or 3 times a week, not incredibly romantic but I never felt like a piece of meat or a vessle and I figured that’s the way it is when you’ve been married for many years. He has had trouble finishing but he always blames it on his anti-anxiety medicine. Looking back, in the past year, this has happened a lot more frequently – he says he’s increased his medicine – which is probably true but his behavior has also escalated quite a lot in the last year. Didn’t think about that connection until now.
Sex like an olympic event – check
scoring “lovers” (whores) and me like the olympics – check
wear me out nightly – check
trouble finishing – check
thank you notes and gifts to whores – check
thought he might be gay – check
asked him in a very open way (long before DDay) – check
he was “insulted” for weeks, though there are two gay people in the family he insists he feels no different about – checkAs far as impressing whores, he did outrageous things to help one, and then asked her to marry him, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME, wrote to another in an email “I had hoped you’d find me extraordinary”, and in the same six week period to another whore “I wouldn’t have minded being the customer you fell in love with”, while he was fantasizing about yet another whore taking him back to CA with her when she traveled for a very rich John.
Yep, he wanted to impress the hell out of every woman he touched. And they were whores. Now these weren’t young girls left on the street trying to survive. These were “courtesans”, or as he liked to say “professional ladies” charging $300-$1000 a visit, who he insists to this day are legal (yeah, I know ‘escorting’ is legal, but not the stuff HE did with them and paid for). These women fucked strangers for cash by choice, 100%. They, according to him, were very selective in their choice of ‘clients’, only accepting senior exectuvies (man do these women know how to pander to an ego) and he had to go on waiting lists (yes, it’s true) for weeks to be with them. None of them in anything like a bad situation. Several were professional women on the side. I reported two to their professional boards. Never heard back about that but didn’t expect to. Anyway, I digress, he found it important to impress them, and that is really pathetic.
One of my STBX’s “sugarbabies” was a law student. Wonder if she’s practicing now? I oughta check into that…
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