Hoping.

Crystal,

Thanks for the update. You sure sound positive and hopeful.

I have to ask, do you really believe the responses to your emails? Not one of the women my SA was with admitted it, and I had proof. They all claimed they were “just friends”. Even the whores (gag).

I don’t know what his asking you to help entails, but there is a really good thread on here recently about marriage counseling you might want to read.

There’s really an adult social site called FUBAR (fucked up beyond all recognition)? The name is kind of a giant red flag isn’t it? Crystal, I’m having a seriously shitty day so I just don’t have one hopeful thing to say to anyone right now. I just really hope everything works out as you are hoping.

Crystal, with a poly, you really can’t ask all kinds of questions and get a valid result. I spoke at length with a polygraph examiner that said the only valid polygraph results are from a single issue test. When multiple issues are introduced the validity of the test goes right down. Single issue tests are 92-98% valid. So you can’t mix sex questions with financial questions. There should be one issue or question you want asked. The examiner will ask it several different ways. I was told that multiple issues “muddies the water” and you won’t know what question was actually the deceptive answer. I was also told any deception is a failed test. It is not like you see on TV, if you want a real valid test result at the end of it. Good Luck!

Where is this magic video of which you speak?

Thanks, Crystal. I did watch it, and it was too Jesus-e and co-addicty for me, but I’m glad if it helped you.

That is, for sure, a good point. We need to focus on our healing.

I watched the video. At the very beginning there is a very distinct difference between that woman’s experience and every single experience represented on this site.

Her husband CAME TO HER and disclosed his addiction.

Every one of us discovered the evidences of the addiction, sometimes repeatedly, and the SAs almost to a man denied it, even with the proof in our hands.

That’s a different scenario entirely. A man who will do that is not even in the same ballpark as these SAs. We’ve often asked if ANYONE knows a man who came forward and the answer has always been no.

Maybe that’s the elusive variable that determines the supposed 3% recovery rate.

March, there is so much about her talk that I do not agree with. Actually, I think that it’s a Patrick Carnes gimmee. He probably shows it at his conferences.

But the man coming forward, that’s a totally new piece of the puzzle.

I think the man’s coming forward and confessing bodes well for his recovery. Better, at least.

I felt the woman was clueless. She spoke of her decision to “separate” for a few months and her family viewed that negatively. That’s nothing. She was upset that her dreams had been shattered but had no kids , no financial entanglements…..She spoke at length about fear of starting over. Her fear of starting over at her age was a no brainer. She probably went on to have kids with him and he escalated into screwing hookers…..wonder what her fear is now?

That is my cynical take. I did listen to the guy. He had some very good points. Some I had an argument with…

Crystal, it seems there’s been some movement in your relationship with your guy. When I saw “movement” like that, I would keep going until I hit a brick wall. Like you, I had to know that I had tried to co-operate and support where it looked like something might help.

I am not so sure about the marriage counselling thing however. Elsewhere you may have read posts about that. In fact I think there’s a pretty powerful story posted in the last week or so about the pitfalls of marriage counselling when the guy is not yet sober for any length of time. Have a look at what poeple wrote there–I”m not going to harp on it now.

Very glad he’s getting test for the STD’s.

D.