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one year ago today i was trying to teach private students at the college and having to leave the room because i was crying. these poor 20 year old boys were awkward and confused, they didn’t know how to respond to their kind but kick ass composition teacher acting like a 16 year old. i was walking in the forest in north vancouver near campus talking to my best friend about DWs visit to the massage parlour, and bless her, she was telling me ‘if it smells like shit..”
we are in sun peaks in BC, a ski lodge. beautiful. happy kids.blue skies, crisp snow. i probably won’t be able to afford this king of vacation once we divorce, my son will go with his dad. i told DW he would ski with my son today, me tomorrow. i don’t want to spend much time together. i’m in the lodge. i can barely brush my teeth.
i just can’t believe how i got here and how much i have lost and how much i will lose.
DW is happily skiing with my son, completely oblivious to and quite confused by my pain.
i’m going to put on my gear and go for a x country ski, i’m forcing myself to get out. i just want to die or magically jump over the next year.
there are 3 other families here. very nice people. i will make homemade pizzas tonight and a birthday cake for my son (and DW). mainly for my son. i’m fucking sobbing as i type..
kind words, words of encouragement, reminding me of the army of lovely sisters will help me…
hang in there- we are all here for you and there is light on the other side. get your self out and go ski, as hard as it seems, it will release endorphines which will help a little, or help take some anger out.
xoxoxo <3
Oh Lisa, I’m so sorry. I’m sending you the kindest and most encouraging thoughts and energy I can muster. You will get through this. You’ve gotten through so much already. This is just one more thing. Keep going. Get out there with your skis on and let mother earth work her magic on your spirit. I’m thinking about that beautiful piece of music you shared where you could hear the ropes binding them creaking and yet the native women sang on. Sing on dear Lisa, sing on!!
With much love and compassion,
DaisyOh Lisa, I’m sorry you’re hurting. Try to forget about DW and all of his foolishness and enjoy your time with your son and your friends and all of the beauty around you there. You are a kind, gentle soul, Lisa, and creative beyond belief. You will find your way back to happy. Love, Liza
“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.” ~ Christian D. Larson
Beautiful Lisa, who hears the music above all the other noise in this world,
we are holding you safe. Your losses are great. Life is scary. But you are greater and more courageous than you believe right now. We’re believing it for you. Lean in.Hold on Lisa. I feel the weight of your grief, and I wish I could help lighten your burden. You’re close to your goal. Lift you face to the blue skies and gather your thoughts. You are strong and you will get through this. Love, Ali
Dear Lisa–thinking of you. I wish I was there to sit with you in your grief and to make you laugh. But we are all here for you. You are most certainly not alone.
Huge hugs!
~BonnieSuck it up girlfriend. This is no time to cry and think back. You can do that later and I swear I will hold your used kleenex as you wipe your tears and blow your nose. Keep it together for now. You can do this. Pretend, act, compose a song about in your head. …..You can and will make it 🙂
Love you. call me if you need me.
Things will get better for you Lisa. I know it. Try to put your mess aside and enjoy the beauty of the mountains and the warmth of your friends. xox
Oh Lisa. 🙁 Hang on Sweetheart. Get out into that beautiful scenery and realize that the universe is unfolding as it should and so is your part in all of it……
It will be over soon. Hold tight now. We are all behind you 100%. Karen xxWe are all here for you Lisak. Just feel the pain so that it gets the respect it deserves and then move on. It is a bad day. Tomorrow ill be better hopefully. I am trying to make peace with the fact that I take 3 steps forward and 2 back nearly every day. But if I have done the math right, I am still moving forward. Feel it and then let it go. No quick fixes and I think every emotion has to be felt so we do not end up in more emotional hell later on. It is ok to be sad and cry. You are strong and tears can help you to get through a bad spot, We are lifting you up. We are a formidable group – lean on us!
Lisa, Lisa,
Another sister here to hold you and your broken heart in light and love. You didn’t deserve this. It is not fair. And, it is not easy to get out of. SAs hold everything we most deeply cherish hostage. Not OK!
Sonce SAs have no remorse and care not about our feelings, then let us help in that way 🙂 Your feelings matter. Take good care of your body and mind. Take good care of your son.
Take baby steps, even if it is just in your mind about the next things you need to do. It is so hard to face how our lives must change to be free of SAs manipulating us.
Don’t need to face it all at once. Little, by little.
Warmly,
DesireeOh, I am remembering that during the worst of feeling stuck, stuck, stuck…….I took myself to Maui and stayed with a friend. Took myself to Yosemite and climbed half dome with a great group of women. I gave myself time and space from him. I decided NOT to make big decisions during the crisis. That worked for me. It helped me face the harder parts that were coming down the pike.
Hugs,
DesireeDear Lisak,
So sorry for the pain you are feeling. It sucks when it hurts so bad. I think you are a very sweet and sensitive soul. It’s hard to understand how people can be so clueless. Enjoy the beautiful nature you see, hear, and smell. I’d like to know if you see any wildlife (not DW). Im sending you positive thought and energy.
Your friend, Nap~*~lisak, Once you are away from him, your spirit will soar. I can’t imagine though how difficult your mind is finding the whole process of getting rid of him from your life. You didn’t deserve this, but here you are. YOU ARE A ROARING, STRONG WOMAN. YOU WILL SURVIVE THIS AND THRIVE. I LOVE YOU, LISA. YOU ARE A PRECIOUS SOUL ON THIS EARTH. TRULY.
Lisa, sending you big hugs and prayers. The anniversary of D-day is so damn painful. But you will get through it, and I am glad that you are in such beautiful surroundings right now. Breathe in all that beauty of nature and the snow to ground yourself.
Nap, I don’t know why but it touched my heart to the point of a little teariness when you said that you’d like to know if Lisa sees some wildlife. (And then laughed at ‘not DW 🙂 ) You are such a gentle sweetheart. xoxoLisa,
I can just picture you baking a cake for your son. So nurturing and loving. There is nothing wrong with grieving your losses. Still there are your family and friends and to celebrate. My prayers are with you.
Lisa in case you don’t read the other thread I’m sorry if I added to your stress and pain by my defensive and aggressive post on the other thread. I would never intentionally hurt you. xoxo
Hi Lisa
Aaah your post takes me back to a year end holiday we had together. Lisa he wants you to fall apart. When you are around him, just “fake it to make it”. We are all here for you. This too shall pass Lisa. Sending you warmth and hugs from a rainy South Africa.i love you sisters so much!! i don’t know how i would make it without you! i think i would still be back in crazy land, not fully accepting the truth. i’m doing much better today, emotionally… but…
i broke my wrist. skiing with my son. we were only out for about 10 minutes. he was singing as he skied. then i slipped on the ice by the road, and broke it right through. 6 weeks recovery… sigh.. at least my next gig is 3 weeks away (unusual), so hopefully i can play piano by then. i’ve been feeling like i’m unravelling, maybe this is a sign to be extra careful…
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