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Well I went and picked up my stuff this weekend. Sah was out of town. It turned dramatic when the neighbors texted him and he called me threatening to call the police. Luckily I had actually spoken with the police and they said I had tenancy rights and as long as it was only my stuff I was good. His sister came by. We were In Tears together. She doesn’t know what’s going on and I said she needed to talk to sah. I soooo wanted to tell her everything, but I just think it needs to come from him. And if it never does then im ok with that because that means my son will never have to know or deal withnwhat his father is. It did appear he’s been speaking badly of me, trying to set the scene for this parting, I’m sure. That annoys me. Anyway, in the course of my brief conversation with sah he lied twice. In addition I found our condom box mostly empty and left a note saying how pleased I was to find it because it confirmed I wasn’t making the wrong decision. He actually replied with an email saying the other condoms were in the nightstand (as if I wouldn’t have looked there) and it was a total lie. I could not believe he took time to draft and email to respond with a lie. Why not just not respond? I had a six hour drive home, and it was sad and thoughtful, but I’ve got to tell you that I have never felt better than I do now. I am sad and still have all the emotions, I don’t want to give a false impression, but I feel whole. I think the physical act of separating our lives was very, very good for me to be able to move forward.
Dear Eliza, that was really hard piece of work to do today. I guess him being an ass about the condoms just confirms you needed to do what you were doing. But I understand it also just underlines the sadness again.
I’m glad you made it back safely on your six hour drive. I understand that feeling of wholeness—when you’ve gathered your life back up into one place and you know it’s what needed to happen. Our wholeness is not without sorrow. Our peace is not without trouble. It’s just that our wholeness is where we begin from now, instead of being torn to bits and having to fight for all the scraps to not be thrown away.
Bravo sister for these steps you’ve taken. Keep going forward, that’s where the life is for you and your son.
warm hug from cold Calgary
Diane.Eliza, you had a big day. Lots of things to handle and it sounds like you did it well. So glad you are feeling more whole. May the healing continue.
Sending good thoughts your way,
KandiceEliza,
Wow, you did great! I am glad you thought ahead to call the police- very smart move. And the condom thing is total validation that you did the right thing. And thank goodness you did it while he wasn’t there! With all that drama even while he was away, can you imagine if he was in the middle of it?You are taking your life back, and that was a huge step. Well done.
Eliza,
Good for you and I know that wholeness feeling too.
My Xh changed the locks on me and I lived in a hotel during 5 months of the divorce process. I remember the first week or so I felt like a huge boulder had been lifted off my back. Like being let out of some sort of invisible prison. I felt alive again and I hadn’t felt that way in a long time. Very liberating.I’m glad you got through it and are in a good place with no second guessing yourself. I’m firmly of the opinion that a separation is needed for healing and clarity regardless of whether you intend to stay together or stay apart.
Eliza, you did so well. I know you are sad but you handled everything perfectly. I hope every day is a little brighter for you 🙂
You are so smart and careful Eliza, I am impressed. His lying about the condoms, that was just his big fat “IDIOT” stamp on the forehead. Sure told you what he really was, and bad as it hurt I’m sure it erased any doubts you had at that moment.
Now it’s time for YOU!
Hurray for Eliza – a brand new start. Take good care as you feel the magnitude of what you have done and who destroyed your reality. Asswipe is a term I have come to like. It applies here. (I really was not a potty mouth, but I am so pissed!)
Keep on keepin on,
Desiree
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