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Today has been super ‘Funk’ day for me.
But why?
I live a life that most people would kill for. I’m healthy, smart, creative, kind of cute, have great kids, beautiful and talented grand kids and I’m a pretty damn good person.
So why the hell am I feeling so funky?
My first morning vision is a brilliant starlit sky through a wall of windows in my bedroom, and my precious ‘velcro’ pets follow me everywhere and love me unconditionally.
I live in a dream home on a fucking island for god’s sake!
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I have tried to analyze it.
Okay, I’m not like this every day, in fact, most days I make ‘Mary Poppins’ look depressed. But, with all the blessings that I have I should not have a sad moment ever.
Is it anger? Anger for what (who?) has done to me?
Is it Resentment? Resentment for what I could have had but don’t?
Am I jealous? Jealous of all these women on the island who have a life so much easier than mine? Older, very ordinary women who have husbands who truly love them and show it with diamonds, sapphires, luxury cars, multiple homes, loving looks and public displays of affection?
Will I ever have sex again?
Am I just a nasty bitch?
Fuck!
I can’t think of much more to say. ~ JoAnn
Please never feel selfish or shallow. You are going through just as a difficult time as all of us. It’s okay to have a bad day. Be kind to yourself and be okay with how you feel in the moment. Bad days make us appreciate the good ones.
Much love, TeneilJoAnn you should know that everyone has a story. Don’t think that these women’s lives are necessarily as they appear. In my line of work I see a lot of women who are like you describe but I’m still astonished by what I learn about their lives. Disfunctional children, cheating husbands, boring husbands, business ’empires’ that are actually a house of cards you name it. None of us get through life scott free. I truly believe that. I like many of us used to have the perfect life. Really?
One of my closest friends has the marriage all my friends aspire to have. It is like the ‘go to perfect marriage’. The truth is her husband is addicted to marijuana and has been hospitalised on more than one occasion due to psychotic episodes. She describes marijuana as the mistress in her marriage. I am the only one of my friends that she has told. She is a mess, her life is a mess, her marriage is a mess.
The knowledge of this does not make one’s life any easier it merely put things in perspective. What you see isn’t always authentic.
You are far from shallow and selfish. Perhaps it is human nature to always want more. Maybe you have a void in your life and that is needing a companion or sex or both. This is something you can work on. We all need goals. xoJoAnn, you are asking yourself to be super-human when you beat yourself up for having a bad day. I think you’re confusing normal biological rhythms or whatever it’s called with a lack of gratitude. Go easy on yourself. You’re still healing from years of what Larry put you through. Big hugs. xoxo
You are angry and in a funk because you had things set up exactly like you wanted them and (who) fucked it all up. It is normal and natural and if you didn’t feel that way then I would really be worried.
You are all those things you said about yourself and more. Now, your whole island got tainted with (who?)’s shit. Nobody wants to own the Picasso with shit all over it.
Look Jo, we all want someone. We are made that way. Maybe we end up with someone full of flaws and not so great but we make peace with it and they go and ruin even that bit of peace.
Maybe all those husbands do actually love all these women. I hope they do, but you and I both know it isn’t about the cars or the jewelry. It is about having someone (who?) mess with your life. He F’d with you and what was important to you and that pisses you off. It should piss you off. The little turd just had to do the one thing you hated the most.
Revel in the anger, have the pity party, do not feel guilty. If you lived in a shack under the overpass in Detroit it would not help the starving kids in Africa. No sense feeling guilty.
You will have sex again. You will have a lot of things again. Maybe even that luxury car and diamonds. Go ahead and let the emotions play out. You deserve it.
I love you. Pour a glass of wine and go for a walk or put on your ratty PJ’s ( if you own any) and watch a dreadful movie. You will feel better. If not, we can talk later about having the shit beat out of (who?) 🙂
JoAnn, I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I have those days too, when I just feel “off” for no apparent reason. I cried all day Monday. I have no idea why. Give yourself a break. Go walk on the beach or sit on your deck and have a beer. Be kind to JoAnn. You have made such a tremendous difference in so many lives. You have given all of us SO much of your time, effort, talent, wisdom and grace. You couldn’t be selfish or shallow if you tried.
I love you very, very much.
DaisyOh Joann, it is painful what you have gone through, what you are continuing to go through, god damn those wounds take long time to heal, so just nurse your wounds like you would nurse a a hero soldier coming back from the war with big wounds in his heart.
You’re human JoAnne. True… an amazing, wonderful human woman, but human,nonetheless, and that means you are going to have crap days every now and then, just like the rest of humanity for whatever reason, or maybe for no reason:)
Give yourself permission to be human and sit around and be in a funk whenever it suits you or you need to. You don’t have to have it all or do it all today, JoAnne, you have an abundance of beautiful tomorrows in your future. My physical therapist for my broken wrist says she can tell in about three minutes “what someone’s speed is”. She told me I have an “off” button and a “full speed” button, and she joked that she was going to teach me that there IS a medium speed. I have this vision of you with her and her trying to find your off button, much less any speed other than “full.” Im sure that’s who you are, and it’s part of your wonderful charm, but its okay to find another speed and have a crap/funk day. You matter, doesn’t matter what kind of day you’re having, you matter. You make a difference.Of course you feel this way sometimes. The losses you have endured…… The efforts you went to, to right the ship……. You wanted a close loving relationship and it didn’t happen. It matters. It hurts. You feel the way you feel and that is OK.
Be kind and gentle with yourself. You have good reasons to feel just the way you do.
Oh God I just re-read my post. I’m really screwed up if I don’t think anyone has a happy marriage. Right?
Nope! You are not. You are just being realistic and realizing the whole “Cinderalla story” is not happening 🙂
You can have the whole world materially, but if what you want is someone to share your soul with and who will love you more than they love themselves, more than they love life itself, there is that hole that can’t be filled by all those other things that should make us happy but ultimately don’t. You give your all to your kids while you raise them, but they grow up and go off and live their own lives, even though they are still in our lives, they don’t really need us anymore; then in our cases, we have built our lives around our so called husbands who have consumed our love and lives and tossed us on the trash heap to chase after whores and cheap thrills, it is no wonder we feel lost and without a reason to go on. I know many of you may not have a belief in God but I believe he as a purpose for all of us and our lives on earth have not been a waste and ourselves, talents and attributes, our worth as human beings are here for a reason to be used to help and benefit others who need and deserve it. I don’t pretend to know all the answers as to what happens in the future but I believe there will be your reward for doing the right thing, taking the higher road even though you don’t know what that is right now or how it will happen.
Well, JoAnn, I just know feelings don’t respond to “supposed to” anything. Yes, you do have a lot of wonderful things and people in your life. You earned them. That does not make your life perfect, though. You lost a dream. A core dream.
The grief from that loss is part of your life, along with the stars and velcro pets and island. It will temper, but there is no guilt or shame in admitting it affects you. That’s part of being human, lovable, sexy and whole.
Love you 🙂
Joann can I tell you something that I hope will help you feel a little better? I have been alone isolated for nearly a year, no family or friends, devastated by sa’s (pornpig;s) ruination of my life and you let me join this site without charge due to my wretched financial state, and sent me numerous emails asking if I was okay when there was no one else in my life who was there to do so, you have no idea how grateful I was just for that gesture,
Women suffer from betrayal and deceit, it hurts so bad, it does not matter if we come from a wealthy and privileged background or an impoverished disadvantaged background, the pain is all the same, that same pain is what binds us all together.
JoAnn, I don’t know you – and yet you have no idea how much of an influence you’ve been on my life over the last two years. You were the first person I’d ever “met” that was trying to keep a marriage going with a sex addict. You taught me that not only was it possible, but that it was ok that life wasn’t peaches and cream every day. I love that you have bad days too because you are my hero and it only helps me feel ok about myself too. (not that you should have bad days – just saying’) The sun will still come up tomorrow for all of us :o)
The fuck it Ll days are the best because they give you a point of relativity when the sun comes out again and you are really getting fucked in the way you want to – wallow, if you resists the misery only lasts longer – love Meg (everyone else has said everything else that needed to be said:-)
Fearless Leader JoAnn, You’ve been in the trenches, leading the charge, fighting the good fight for the Sisterhood for so long now. You’ve carried the weight of all of our burdens and shared in our many sorrows. We’d be lost without you. What can we do for you, dear one? Love you, Liza
JoAnn,
So sorry for the pain you are in. Don’t know why we women drew this card from the deck but I do wonder why my life is so fucking hard some times, too.
In honor of you I am staying in my pajamas for the day tomorrow. Do I need a stuffed velcro pet too? (Actually I have my grandson’s stuffed monkey and a few Mardi Gras throws here.)
The last few days have actually been happy for me but I’m very distrustful of that. I should pay homage to the depression just in case it’s getting ready to sneak up and overwhelm me again. Gosh, I may sound a little psychotic?!!
Seriously, give yourself a break. Tears, which I read are laden with hormones, have a cleansing effect. It’s okay to have that bad day. For heaven’s sake, we deserve our depression. But if it lingers day after day – go get help.
Just know that you are very much loved and admired. All the sisters wish only the best for you.
Keep checking in with us. We want to know how you are doing.
Love,
KandiceHi JoAnn,
I think ‘funk’ days are part of the grieving and healing process. What we ‘feel’ has nothing to do with material posessions. Feelings come and go. You likely needed this ‘funk’ day to get some perspective on your life, where your have been, what ALL you have been through, what you are ‘needing’ in your life.If we take away everything we own or have we are still the same person. We need to celebrate who we are everyday (unless it’s a funk day) because life is a gift. Look at all the woman you have ‘saved’ by the sites you created. It’s a HUGE gift you have given us. Who gave it too us? JoAnn. Not a house, a car, jewelry, good kids, it was you. JoAnn. Please when you not having a ‘funk day’ (we all have them) celebrate you. Enjoy yourself with just you and share yourself with people you care about. Do some new things, explore, travel, even if it’s just locally. It’s the simple things that bring us the most joy in life and they are usually things that cost nothing, yet are priceless.
Love you, NapWonderful post Nap.
JoAnn…I think it is the realization that you now have a dream life but you don’t have an intimate partner to share it with. You put an inordinate amount of energy into Larry, only to have him turn out to be even worse than you imagined. You are still grieving and that is how it should be. No one ends a marriage without grief…even if it is only grief for the “dream”. You will be ok JoAnn, because of all the things that you are. Give yourself a break and time to heal. You deserve that as much as any of us do. Lick your wounds, feel your feelings and avoid Larry like the plague. Time will sort all of this out. In the meantime, take care of YOU. Karen xx
joann,
‘kind of cute’? i would say much more than kind of!!
sadness is our gift. we think of it as a negative emotion, but it is a meaning filled messenger, we can ask ourselves, what needs to be let go of? it can help us release and restore the wounds in ourselves, our lost dreams, our disappointments.
you were robbed, joann. (who) took something from you. he took a large portion of your life. you are a wonderful strong woman. he benefited from your great qualities, your beauty, your intelligence. when you realized he was less than a man, you took the steps that needed to be taken. you have rebuilt your life. and he benefited from that too. and continued to steal from you.
you believe in beauty, honesty, fun, hard work. he is a disappointment. a huge huge disappointment. nothing can take the sadness out of that. i know your are incredibly healthy in your relationship with him. but still, one can’t help be sad, devastated, full of grief, loss, pain…
there is no way out, but through the grief, the despair. without it you wouldn’t be human. you would be like them.
let us hold you while you are in a funk. much love to you, always.
Thank you for sharing. I think we all ask ourselves these questions. I appreciate you vocalizing them publicly because it helps me see how safe this forum is
JoAnn I appreciate your transparency. It makes me realise more than ever how real this problem is. I tried to hold onto the remains of a shredded marriage, so believing that marriage was the bandage which could keep our family together, and that once the potholes were fixed it would be just fine. How I wasted precious time and how damaging this was esp for the older boys and myself. Listening to you share your innermost part of your heart makes me appreciate the gift of life. It makes me realise that even in spite of me being so naieve I have made it to where I am. It makes me realise that where I am is not where I want to be but I am heading in that direction. As I move to that position I am mindful that there are leaders like you, who faces the same or similar challenges that I do but more than that who feel the way I do, one day ten steps forward, the next 12 steps back, and so it goes………. Thanks so much for sharing your heartbeat. xx
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