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Ok, here’s the new power struggle with dr.evil. He is unbelievable.
So the one thing that did happen last week is that Angela stood her ground that swapping Bat in a grocery store parking lot was ridiculous. copa said it was okay if we tried picking up at home (after Angela insisted we call her from the court house). So drevil lost on that one.
So Sun visitation comes, and he texts he twice right before he came over. Then he got here and called both the house phone and the cell phone. He picks Bat up at 9 am and he did all that by 9:01.
Now, keep in mind that we have been swapping Bat for visitation with no need for contact right before for almost 2 years. We have always been here or where we need to be every single time.
All the texting and phone ringing distressed Bat. So I emailed dr.evil and asked him to please not do that in the future.
Here is his response (which he also sent to copa and his attorney”:
“Can I please have Bats phone number so I can text before I leave my home and call him when I arrive. But if I don’t get any acknowledgement or response I will probably call the next number (your home and or cell). I have no other way of knowing my message was received.Also be aware that if I text and then leave I won’t be able to get a text back (because I agreed a year and a half ago to your request not to carry a phone with texting capability). Therefore, a callback would be more appropriate.”
So I responded:
“I have given you Bat’s number several times already. Here it is again. 936-777-xxxx.If Bat is already having trouble getting ready on time, adding a response to you will slow him up more and add more pressure. Texting and calling before visitation has not been necessary in the past.
Bat always has the opportunity to call or text at any time, but I don’t understand why you are requiring it at this time.
I am not trying to be difficult but rather make things easier on all of us.
Please respect that visitation is difficult for Bat, and refrain from adding more pressure and more tasks for him. “
He responded back (also to attorney and copa):
“Though I was given an incorrect number for Bat in the past when he was at camp last year, it is true that I eventually was given the correct number once. Thank you for providing it again. That will be very helpful.I’m only asking for acknowledgement that my call/text was received. How else am I to know you are even home or if I even have the day correct? A brief ”thanks, I’ll be ready” shouldn’t be disruptive or delay getting ready more than a matter of seconds. Either you or he could respond or answer the phone.
A teenager capable of taking college level classes for 7-8 weeks in Boston or going off to college early is able to give a brief response to his father on the phone. If not, I am sure you are mature enough to respond in a non-disruptive/non-confrontational manner. I’m sure we can resolve this simple matter without legal involvement. “
So I said:
“I am sure that if you keep us informed by keeping the calendar updated, then we will be home.”I also sent an email to copa asking for her to help stop his bullying and intimidating. This came up in our meeting with my attorney. We will see what she does. Not holding my breath, but I am at least trying to look like I am working with her and asking for her help.
But the thing is, dr.evil is a fucking control freak. He is going to make my life constant hell. I hate him so much.
I want to scream, he is such an ass!!!! Thank god I can post to you ladies, but you must all be just as sick of him and this crap as I am. More than 20 months he has been doing this, and he never lets up. He is like a psychokiller from a movie that keeps coming back even when you are sure he is dead this time.
I’m curious about something Teri? IF the judge is sure to issue standard orders of visitation (because thats what they do) then why hasn’t your H pushed to get before a judge and have his full parental rights mandated? Or why haven’t his attorneys tried to get a judge to settle all this visitation stuff? Why would he not push for a judge to issue him full visitation?
I think the only thing holding him back is the evidence that he does not want brought up in court and therefore will be public record? Or that even copa thinks he shouldn’t have standard orders? I don’t really know, Karen. Maybe he doesn’t really want it- he just wants to hold it over my head and watch me squirm?
Yep, that last one Teri, he just wants to watch you squirm. This is just a giant sick game to him with Bat as the pawn. I have said it before and I will say it again, he is a sociopath. He does not feel or understand human emotion. He can mimic them when it suits him but he doesn’t FEEL ANYTHING. He doesn’t love Bat because he’s not capable of love so torturing his son in order to get at you doesn’t phase him in the least. There is no reasoning with him or expecting him to be reasonable. He will do whatever he thinks will be best for HIM first, last and always. He is the only thing that matters in his sick world. Everyone else is just a tool. I’m sorry Teri. You will just have to ride this all out as best you can until you get Bat emancipated or he turns 18. It WILL end eventually but only when drevil is no longer in a position of power over you and Bat.
Maybe it’s time for all that evidence to be made public. Show the court who he really is. Show the community who he really is. This endless drain on your and your son’s mental health, not to mention the financial toll, is going to leave you totally spent.
I contacted a reporter asking for help. She has written about sex addiction in the health and lifestyle column. She wanted some Houston angle, so I told her about the APSATs meeting in Dallas which Ella is on the Board of and that it is really big news in the SA world to have this new association forming. I haven’t heard back. Been debating filing a complaint with the licensing board- I am waiting until I interview a new attorney Friday. I also have to be careful bc I know dr.evil will try to sue me if anything gets out. I know it will be bs bc I will be careful to only give what I can substantiate, but he can still make my life hell and make me get an attorney to defend myself, etc.
Yes.. I find myself thinking the same thing Teri. He is depleting your finances and your mental health and Bat’s. If he is afraid for things to be made public then why not play that card and see if you can end this fiasco. I don’t see how you can do this for 3 more years and your marital assets are going to pay lawyers in a fight you cannot seem to win. He can regain the lost money with his income. You cannot. You get what the 2 of you have now and he is decreasing those funds in every
way he can. It does not seem that you can win in the visitation dept Teri. You have tried and tried and he just keeps coming out on top. I completely agree with Daisy that he is a true sociopath and we all know the ONLY way to deal with them is to get away and PRAY their attention is diverted to another victim. I think you should play your ace and let the cards fall where they may. This has gone on long enough and he is LOVING it. You are a wonderful mother but the law is NOT on your side and no one cares how many people he screws. Therefore, I fail to see any way that you can win and you stand to lose financially in the end.My other possible ace is the custody evaluation which they keep telling me is out any time and will not be good for him. Everybody pray for me on that one.
Teri,
The one question, I would love answered is: How can they be so abusive and fool people again & again? It totally boggles my brain and personally, is the one thing that really wears me down. Don’t know if there is an answer for that on though…..
Just wondering at what age in TX, the court will allow Bat to have a say regarding visitation. ( where they actually listen and take into account his wishes )
At least in PA, the judge will talk to the child and even though my POS prick never misses a chance to call *parental alienation* he has not asked for court-ordered visitation….hmmmmm interesting.
They do not want to be exposed and I totally understand if you are holding onto your most- damning evidence as leverage for the final settlement ( I am doing that too ) but, just wondering if everything, single, thing were put on the table how it would affect all this BS
Or did you put everything out there? I know the therapists know about the orgies and such ( right? ) but, honestly, Teri, I just don’t understand how anyone with a conscience or morals, could say it was healthy to have any child around a person who does those things…….. and the way he treats Bat? Do they believe in his fake recovery? Even so, his secret life is pretty documents…… I guess his lies that you are interfering are convincing to the AH’s in charge………….
I feel so bad or you & Bat when I read your posts. Sometimes, I get all teary eyed & I am at a loss because neither of you has been helped by anyone. You just keep getting dragged back in for more. I hope the new lawyer you are interviewing offers you some hope the there is another legal way to fight this. I can’t wait to hear what he has to say.
In the meantime, as always, you & Bat are in my thoughts & prayers.Love,
DeborahHa- Deborah, NAP just asked about how they keep fooling people again and again in another post. It is mind-boggling, isn’t it?
Bat can talk to the judge who is supposed to consider his wishes (starts at age 13). But it is up to the judge how much to consider it. I am told this judge only give standard orders, which makes no sense to me. I don’t believe my attorney any more though. I think she will tell me whatever she needs to to get me to sign so that she has her legal agreement, her job is done, and the consequences to my son and me be damned.
But visitation is until age 18, even with child’s input. Even child molesters get visitation.
copa knows a lot but not everything- I really haven’t met with her all that much, and she is not concerned about anything except getting us to coparent. It’s like marriage counseling with an SA where they just try to teach you communication skills but ignore all the damage that the SA has done and his lying and manipulation. It is a total joke.
As I have said before, if dr. evil wasn’t his father, I would be considered a bad mother if I let Bat around dr.evil. No one is really interested in the child’s best interest.
So here is copa’s response:
“I would suggest both of you refer to the Rule 11 agreement and put all visitation dates and times in your calendars. As far as texting prior to the visit, my suggestion is that, Bat, if you speak with Bat Jr a day or so prior to the visit, simply state “we have a visit tomorrow, any suggestions as to what you would like to do during that time?”. Don’t send him any further reminders. Simply show up as required by the order..Teri make sure you are well aware of dates and times and be there. Once Bat arrives, then Teri you need to send Bat Jr out. If Bat Jr is not out within five minutes, then Bat call Teri’s phone. Teri, I would want you to expect that Bat Jr be on time…this is a life lesson that is far beyond simply being on time for visits with Dad. If you realize that Bat Jr is going to be late, then instruct him to call his father and inform him of this—as we discussed in our last session. Thanks. Situation resolved so go and enjoy your day.”Bear in mind that I am not allowed to post visitation on the online calendar because then he says I am interfering. dr.evil doesn’t talk to Bat at all other than at visitation, so he will see this as now he has to call a day or two before and say that and Bat will have to answer the phone.
What does it mean to “send Bat out”? Does that mean I have to push him out the door? If Bat is more than 5 minutes late, it is now my fault because I didn’t “send him out”? And I hate the way she lectures me. I know it’s a life lesson. I have been a parent for 23 years. What does she want me to do?
What I hate is that it makes me responsible for Bat. I have to send him out, I have to be responsible for his life’s lessons, I get the call if Bat is running late, I have to tell Bat to call his dad (which I do, but Bat is too overwhelmed to do it)…if those things don’t happen, even if I try, guess who is going to be blamed?
There’s no “Dad, be patient with Bat. Praise him for getting himself ready and to the car even though it is hard for him.” No “dr. evil, make sure you have posted visitation on the online calendar.” There’s no “the idea is for Bat to become responsible for himself, so dad you should call Bat on his phone if he is running late”. There’s no “dad, if Bat is late, ask him if next time he would call you on his cell phone and let you know.” It is all on me.
But at least she tells him not to contact Bat numerous times like he was threatening to do and he did on Sunday.
And Karen, we can’t do anything until all the reports are back from the psych eval and the business eval and the depositions and the forensic accountant. Nov at the earliest, they say.
I would have to send her a reply and remind her that we were not dealing with a normal divorce and a normal child. What part of “Bat is different” does she not grasp? What part of my H and his dad is a fucking sex addict/perv does she not grasp? Hell, I do not know anything about child prodigy but I know they are not the same ( socially) as plain teens. I have zero training in that area but even I know their minds work differently.
I am not even positive that I could get my son out the door if he had been exposed as Bat has. My son isn’t special or inordinately bright. I am bigger than he is would be my only hope 🙂
Copa should be help responsible for dealing with special kids and special circumstances. I don’t treat bacon like I do pork tenderloin. I don’t treat my curly hair like straight hair. I don’t treat my darker skin like very pale people do…… It’s just stupid.
Tell her you cannot make Bat do those things and she is welcome to come try it or observe and see for herself. She is the very definition of incompetence. She has a cushy court job and is riding the easy money gravy train. I hate her condescending attitude and tone.
Thank you guys for getting it. For seeing her tone and how she treats me. You don’t know how much it helps. Sometimes I feel like I am going nuts with no one listening. Really wouldn’t make it without you all.
What a bitch! Situation resolved my ass!
Do you have proof Teri that dr evil was given jr’s cell phone in the past?
If so, I would attach copies and send to Angela and bitch copa and then cc dipshit on the email that says “As you can see from the attached copies, dipshit was given jr’s cell number on these dates (see originals). I cannot begin to explain why dipshit would be untruthful about having his son’s phone number. He is the father and is entitled to having it just as I am. In his defense, maybe he meant to say he wrote it down wrong. I don’t know. See enclosed portion of Jrs cell bill as proof dipshit has called him as of (recent date inserted here). I’m sorry you both were not provided factual information about the situation but thank you copa for helping dipshit and I come to a satisfying resolve which will be less traumatic for jr. Thank you for your understanding of jr’s unique needs. Sincerest regards, Teri”
Lie thru your teeth on the satisfying resolve part. Pump her up.
Another thing Teri, providing jr’s cell bill showing loser has called him recently also provides a phone number for loser that copa might not have, in case he’s working off of two phones?
fornow, lots of proof. I even have calls and texts from dickwad to bat on his phone. I am not going to bother copa with it. It would just piss her off. He gets to say all the shit he wants, but if I defend myself, I am the problem.
Teri,
After reading that, I think I have heard everything. She is ridiculous. I would have to consult the *orders* before I actually breathed, there are so many stipulations……
Are there any grounds for professional misconduct or incompetence here? If it were me, I would run it by the new attorney you are interviewing. IMHO Bat is is a category all by himself ~ he shouldn’t be lumped into a cookie-cutter legal custody order…. just saying……
Good angle Lynn….
Gawd Teri, I am so sorry. I know it all seems bleak but there will be a very odd and inexplicable turn of events for dr evil sometime in the near future. It will not be good for dr evil when it happens. I’m feeling that strongly. I can’t even describe it.
Keep praying for the much deserved good outcome that you are earning. You are fighting an honest fight, on your end anyway. You will be rewarded. I keep praying to God that He sends you a very clear sign not to worry about a favorable ending to all of this.
It’s sickening that dr evil uses his child to “fight” for any type custody that he can get, simply in an effort to stall and wear you down so that it won’t go before a judge. He knows any sa evidence that gets admitted is a very bad thing for him. His attys have told him this. That is his ONLY motivation in all of this. Believe that.
Two more tonight from dr. evil-
“The issue I was addressing was about wether or not you or Bat could acknowledge my call or text when I was going to pick him up (not the calendar). I think it would show maturity, courtesy, and set a good example for Bat if one of you could acknowledge my text/call. It would certainly help me out. Do you think you can agree to a brief courteous reply when I call or text? “and
“Thanks Theresa,
I read this after my last email. Theresa’s plan would address my concerns. I had stopped calling or texting Bat during the week at Teri’s request and when no one was answering any longer. It became a source of stress for Bat. But I can resume calling or sending email the day before to Bat. There is typically no response to any correspondence. However, if I get a call from Bat to tell me he is running behind that will meet my need to know I am not waiting in vain.
So I will plan to send an email to Bat the night before or earlier in the week to acknowledge visitation and ask for suggestions. I will call/text when I am leaving (as the rule 11 states) and show up for visitation in front of the house. I will not call again (unless I am late or if I have not heard anything after 10-15″ of scheduled visitation start)
Bat”
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