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I swear the minute I think any of them can even begin to act sane then they do something even more nuts. I have been out of town for 3 weeks. I got home last weekend and jumped into the volleyball tournament with my daughter ( 6-7 hours per night). When I arrived home the mail that pertained to kids ( starting school and crap) was on the table for me. I looked at all of it on Monday and sorted thru what was important and what was junk.
In all of this mail was flyers from our church about their annual backpack/school supply drive. I kept one flyer and put it aside and thought I’m not sure I have the energy to get it by the deadline but I’ll see…..
Come to find out the H had been to Church while we were gone. He had picked up the flyers. Yesterday he started in on me about filling the backpack and going to church with him today…….Let’s just say that did not go over very well.
The dumb son of a bitch went out yesterday and bought all the supplies himself and is taking the stuff to the church as I type.
This is from a man that NEVER bought so much as a pencil for his own kids ( even when they were little and I had to drag them both to Target with me to get those interminable lists done). He has also NEVER bought so much as a pencil for an “underprivileged” person.
Oh yeah, I forgot….”It’s part of his journey”. His words, not mine.
I am close to puking.
It is just so hard to buy into these symbolic gestures from these guys. I mean it looks like a nice thing to do, but experience has taught us that if they are doing something nice, they have another agenda. Can anything just be what it looks like? I don’t know the answer Bev. But I totally get the “where were you when there wasn’t a church audience for buying pencils?” The layers of our “aloneness” in daily life remain unrecognized. And the church isn’t going to hand out a flyer on that, is it?
love you very much
D.“part of his journey”- ugh.
He is like dr. evil, who always said he “is like a Boy Scout”. And don’t you dare say any different.
And it’s like them saying they’ve found God.
They can ruin everything, even altruism and generosity.
Yep…we had a whole conversation about his need to go to church and have faith etc …
I said “You know what the Bible says about that?”
He said,” No, because I have never had the chance to go to church and read the Bible”Do I even have to say what he did have time for? Should I even mention that he is a grown man and we have at least 7 Bibles in our home? Should I bother to point out that you can Google Bible classes? Do I have to add that he has a car, money, and he is able bodied?
It is enough to fill up many barf bags. Julie needs to buy barf bag stock 🙂
Mine goes to church every Sunday and casts aspersions on me if I miss a Sunday. For 10 years I went by myself with the kids. I didnt treat him like he was a sinner bound for hell if he didnt go. I cant hardly stomach going with him now because just the night before he was out until 3 in the morning doing GOD only knows what.
I can’t remember if it was on this site or another where someone posted about people who go to church and feel that, in and of itself, makes them “good” people. The comparison on the post was “standing in a garage doesn’t make you a car.”
they know how to get those occasional things in that they think might touch us, or make us second guess writing them off, these little things that we used to allow ourselves to feel hope as a result of. They are smart. They know exactly what they are doing and so do we. They do need us. We are the hostages they keep. We are their front to appear normal to the rest of the world. We just have to stay one step ahead and be smarter than them.
Our advantage. We read and study our subject, they know NOTHING about us. One day, they will be very surprised to find out that they were the ones who got duped.
Mine does it because arguing over going to church or filling up a backpack for an inner city child makes me look bad. He does not do it to impress me, that I can promise you.
I will bet money that he has expressed to his SA group ( pervs-R-us) that he felt the need for a higher power and a positive message. They of course encouraged this. Next meeting he can tell them his wife is a bitch. So, even though his wife isn’t on the “what a wonderful guy” bandwagon, the pervs are. …..
Ugh, I just cringe reading that, Bev. Their very public acts of contrition, and newfound spirituality bring up very black feelings of disdain for their hypocrisy in me. I really am not in a place to judge at all, but for heaven’s sake, have at least the decency not to compare yourself with the person your complete lack of spirituality crushed the most.
Have you ever read “The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis? That addresses those behaviors so extremely well. It’s older, but still humorous, and profound.
Spade a spade 🙂
I am cracking up at “standing in the garage does not make you a car”
Diane, those flyers seem to be absent at church…..hmmm. crickets.
My mommy Dearless goes to church every Sunday. One year (about 5 yrs ago) she invited me to their Thanksgiving Meal. She told me she would meet me at the foyer. I get
there and there are people everywhere, so crowded. I don’t see my mom (dearless). I look for her for 10 min and start asking people if they knew where she was. There was a huge line to stand in for food and there she was at the front of the line ready to get her food. She didn’t even wait for me. I got in the food line and by the time I sat down she was almost done eating. She wad sitting with some ‘friends’ and didn’t even introduce me so I introduced myself. I should have left when I saw her in the line. Today I would have back then I was a doormat for her and my xh. NO MORE!!!!NAP, dr.e didn’t introduce me to people either. Just left me standing there until I finally would introduce myself. I’m wondering how many of those people were orgy partners now.
Oh dear Lord that makes me angry Bev. Nothing like a holier than thou Pervert! My H is an agnostic. If he EVER starts spitting religious nonsense at me I swear I will pull a Linda Blair on him and start spewing green vomit while my head revolves all the way around.
Mine isn’t deep enough to formulate a religious opinion though he has always said he believed in God. I figure his religious persuasion was “pussy” because it seems he dedicated himself to worshipping at that altar…..
My dummy rattled on about needing “faith in a higher power” and I point blank just said” I never knew you were an atheist or an agnostic”……He about bit his tongue telling me that was not what he meant. I did not engage any further.
It was enough to make me grit my teeth and my jaw was aching. No point….
He isn’t deep enough to form a valid opinion either Karen. He is just regurgitating 12 step BS.
I have found there are always high functioning sick people lurking in congregations. They have always hated me at first site. I see them coming. They see me coming. Most spiritually discerning ministers have this experience, but you just have to keep going and only take them on if it’s a hill you want to die on, because it is highly likely you will die and your ministry with it. For the same reasons we talk about here. These people have no common standard of behaviour, so they are completely unaccountable, unregulated, and unstoppable.
NAP, re the food line. At my last church they had a farewell cake for me. It was cut and almost gone before I ever got into the fellowship hall. I never saw it, or the words iced onto to it. They wanted my cake and they ate it too. Then they wanted to wrap up the few pieces that were left. I said no thanks, put it in the freezer for next Sunday, and left.
Big fucking deal, he filled a backpack with school supplies and took it to church.
Let us know when he starts volunteering at the soup kitchen or reading to the blind…
Yeah…these guys without depth…gotta wonder whats missing there. I always think their “conscience” is broken, as they don’t really have a real opinion on what is right or wrong. They simply seem to act out whatever behaviour suits the venue and the people in the venue. It is freaky really but part of that whole thing of them not actually having a real identity of their own. I know I am repeating myself, but I don’t think they have a fully formed “self”. If you have no idea what your values are, then who the HELL are you?
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