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Disclosure – Take Two.
On Friday we have an appointment with the psychologist, CSAT, Dr. Amos that H sees and that is one of the facilitators of my partner’s group on Thursdays. My therapist is coming to support me. After the disclosure, I get to say what ever I want and ask anything I want.Then H will go into another office and take a polygraph. My therapist will hang with me while that is going on, and then we all meet up again to go over the results. Finally after 9 long and painful months, I hope to have the truth of his acting out activities. If he fails the poly again I’ll have my answer.
I plan to leave the next day for a beach escape. A week alone on Sullivan’s Island in a tiny little no frills cottage. No TV, no Internet and no phone. I have wanted to run away since Dday. Now I get to. I got my bike outfitted with a rack and a really cool basket, so I can ride all over the island – even to the little grocery. It should be the perfect place to process what I hear.
Please keep me in your prayers. I am really scared to hear what he has been hiding. My PTSD has been raging the past few weeks and these months of limbo have been torture. I Will be glad to have this behind me. Needing your strength!Trish, thank you for trusting us with this info. I’m so glad you have seen to self-care by booking your escape.
May I ask, are you sure you want this disclosure? Could it be your PTSD is raging in anticipation of it?
It might help you to be very clear about why you are doing this. What’s in it for you?
I’m not second guessing you because as you know we are all in different places about disclosure. I’m just nudging you to know what your place is, and why. That may help you to prepare, endure and process the event. It certainly sounds like an incredibly awful event. YOu will have all my spiritual focus that day. It will belong to you.
love,
Diane.Trish, every bit of strength I can muster will be sent your way. Still relatively fresh from my own disclosure, I know both the anxiety and anticipation you are feeling. Your beach retreat sounds like heaven. I would have a huge stack of books to occupy myself. I’m so glad your therapist will be with you. Mine was with me and it was a tremendous help. Hoping you will find a measure of peace and a reduction of PTSD through this experience.
Much Love,
Daisytrish, sending you strength and love! your gettaway sounds perfect. i did something similar, i had a lovely forest studio on bowen island for three days. complete with grand piano. it really helped. (especially when the deer came to visit).
you have a well thought out after care program. you had an awesome intensive with minwalla that focused on YOU. i can’t think of how you could be better prepared. i hope it goes well for you and that you get some closure, perspective and understanding.
trish i have to say that disclosure was a good thing for me. i found out some things that UNDENIABLY let me know that his compulsive behaviour had NOTHING to do with me. and NOTHING to do with our sex life. DW couldn’t even breathe a hint of that after i found out more of what he was doing. it hurt like hell, but i think it helped me see how sick he really is. and like you, i got to take my break afterward. had a facial and massage too. treat yourself.
Trish, I hope and pray that you find the answers you seek…..But if it doesn’t work out that way for whatever the reason…. I’ll be up the beach no more than an 8 hour drive away…
Hi Trish, I don’t know if I was confused BUT I thought this was coming later in the Fall? In any event…I feel a bit nauseous for you because I know the BIG QUESTION is has he been in the flesh with someone else…I’m not sure why that is the big question because everything they do is such a betrayal. Just the same, had mine limited himself to only violating me through the computer,instead of in my bed…well..in truth I don’t know how I would feel about it? After all, it is all perspective and experience in the end.
Your escape plan sounds great and you have certainly been on pins and needles waiting. I hope it will be LESS than you anticipate. Sending the Angels to guide and support you, Trish.
Hugs, KarenHi Trish – my discovery day was last February. Still the only things I know about my husband’s acting out us what I’ve found. He mentioned to our marriage counselor last week that he would disclose with me the next week but with his other men in the battle Councelor. I’m nervous but do want to know. I doubt I’ll be able to stay with him afterward. I really don’t think he could have can’t kind of excuse. To me – he’s a big boy & he made his choices knowing full well what he was doing & what the consequences would be but still repeatedly did them. Hurting me & his family. Bringing home diseases to me. Even saying that it is still hard for me to leave Him.
I’d love advice. I hate that I can’t make a decision & be strong enough to leave. Just so hard to let go.
Trish – I’m originally from Charleston SC – close to Sullivan’s Island. Enjoy yourself. What a nice place to be!FWIW, Robin, those diseases of which you speak have a way of coming home to roost and thereby decimating your life. Let me count the ways… HPV which equals cervical cancer/anal cancer/you’re lucky if you escape with genital warts!!! Trust me, Sister, if you’re lucky enough to escape the cluster fuck of SA, disease-free and relatively mentally sane, RUN, don’t walk away. It’s all a ticking time bomb!
Trish,
I never had a disclosure so I can only imagine what it’s like for you. I know just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach and want to run for the hills.So all I can say is I hope you find the answers and some kind of closure that helps you move forward in whatever way you chose. You are taking care of yourself and have come such a long way- you know you are strong and however hard disclosure is, you won’t break. And you know, we will all be with you in spirit.
You have been so strong Trish and I know you can and will get thru this too. I will be thinking of you and praying. Your beach get away sounds just perfect.
Best of luck Trish. You are so brave. What I already know about pornpig’s activities churn my stomach. I would NOT want to know all of it. I hope you can handle what’s coming your way.
Ahhh, the disclosure. I wish you the best of luck and strength and peace, in that process. Whatever the outcome, I think it’s going to be a big emotional deal, and I LOVE what you’ve planned for yourself thereafter.
I haven’t had a disclosure yet. And if I heard from his therapist that they wanted to do one now, I would say HELL no. I don’t want to hear what he has to say right now, it would be the usuall bullshit.
I absolulutely want one, when I’m good and ready. Because some recovery is happening for him and he can admit to how much damage he’s done, and so I can know the scope of the betrayal and make decisions with the facts before me. Say what you will, but that’s how I need to roll. I need to see him show some humility and empathy for what has happened to me, and just be honest for once in his life. Or NOT, and I will know he is far too damaged to waste another day on. I can totally deal with either scenario, I’m prepared. Or rather, I have no expectation that he’s going to meet my expectations! I’ll just see what comes out of his face and go from there.
I do know that we will not be spending any time together afterward. He’s out of the house for at least two days (maybe more, we’ll see). I’d love to go away, but I have a small child and am not willing to leave him under thoses circumstances.
But I digress. I’ll be thinking about you on Friday, Trish, and please let us know how you are doing when you are ready to talk about it. You are brave, I totally agree with everyone on that.Thinking of you, Trish, and sending prayers and healing thoughts for you. I am so glad you will have that beach escape afterwards. It sounds wonderful. Take care of you, hon. xoxo
Sending you warm fuzzies and support! So glad that you have a nurturing plan for yourself afterward. Know that your sisters are behind you.
Thank you all so very much! You are the best group of gals ever shit on by men! I found out this afternoon that his therapist has been unable to schedule the polygraph for right afterward. I am really upset/mad about that. This has been scheduled for about a month and I just found out from Dr. Amos today. I wanted the verification before I leave for my escape week. There is a chance he could schedule CVSA for Tim to do on Friday. Otherwise the poly won’t be until next Friday, which makes me feel like I wasted the money on my week away. I won’t believe him until he passes a poly or the Computer Voice Stress Analysis. Now I think this will just eat me alive all next week. I want to kill my husband and I am mad at the therapist because I think he dropped the ball and never called the polygraphers until today. I just took a Xanax. I have worked from 6:40 this morning until 7:15 tonight. I had one patient die today, and four others nearing end of life need my care along with their families. I am so tired! I just wanted the disclosure with a polygraph and now it will be strung out longer. I hate my husband.
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