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Here’s a great little article on gaslighting. For you veteran sisters, we talked about this a lot a few years back. For the newer sisters, this is must reading. It will make you feel far less crazy!
I love that “Casting you as the crazy one” comment. Implying that there is, indeed, a crazy one and we’re NOT them.
Learning about gaslighting should be part of SA 101. Can’t believe it took 7 years of dealing with SA before anyone told me about the trauma, emotional manipulation and abuse- THANK YOU SOS!!!
Has anybody watched the movie. It’s an old black and white with Ingrid Bergman. I just caught it on TMC and wow. The things he said and did while extreme…well actually they weren’t all that extreme. And at the very end he said almost verbatim what my stbx said to me..it’s the “if you ever loved me” speech we’ve probably all heard. The thing that really hit home for me in a helpful way was that you can’t look at this movie and clearly see that it was abuse. He never hit her or really even yelled, he certainly didn’t curse at her (they never do in old movies) but it really clarifies that there are other ways to abuse someone.
My apologies I worded that wrong. I meant you can’t look at the movie without clearly seeing it was a case of abuse. Im sorry my head is not so good today.
There’s a British version that’s supposed to be very good, too. You can watch it online for free.
I watched it too Stronger. Haven’t seen it for years and it was both scary and interesting to see it post SA.
Thanks for the timely reminder, ZG! I think the best cure for gaslighting is to stay detached and just not go there with them. You’ll never win a he said/she said argument with them so it’s best to just stop it before it starts. It’s infuriating b/c I sometimes just want to shout & scream and say “that is so not true” or “what about this thing that you are doing”, etc. but I just try to bite my tongue and not get sucked in to his craziness.
Ha! I cant help but laugh to think that my exSA is so profoundly deluded that he would probably think HE was gaslighted. When I would try to get him to have some empathy and paint the picture of what he put me through. My guess is that he would see me as “blaming” him and avoiding “my part”. Ugh!
dr.e totally thinks he’s been gaslighted. He used to tell me “You are denying my reality” every time I tried to stop his gaslighting me. Example, if he didn’t something I said (usually complained about my tone), he would insist I said it to upset him. If I apologized by saying that wasn’t my intent, but I’m sorry it upset you, he would accuse me of denying his reality. The only thing he would accept is if I apologized for trying to upset him.
It was completely crazy-making. They are so messed up. And they are really quick to act like victims of the stuff they do to us. Impression management 101.
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