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I have started a new group where anyone can give their evaluation or opinion on their experiences with Dr. Minwalla.
Since the therapy is extremely expensive I am asking anyone who has utilized his services either for themselves or if their SA has attended to give feedback here.
That way all the information will all be in one place if a Sister is thinking of using his services.
So, if you are posting anything about Dr. Minwalla or ISH please choose the ‘Minwalla’ group for posting. ~ JoAnn
I love this idea. He may not be perfect ( Courtney’s story) but he is the best we have IMO.
Let’s put it this way, I wouldn’t consider paying anybody else.
There really is no way to move topics from one group to another. The best we can do is to copy the link from the page where someone is discussing Minwalla and post it here.
Sorry. ~ JoAn
I’ll start posting some of the links here:
My story ended up just fine. As Dr. Minwalla said, he “autocorrected” and did an about face, and he really did:)
Hi everyone, had my talk this evening with Dr. Minwalla. A brief overview as I am still reeling from what he told me after hearing my story. He said that my SAH is in effect a perpetrator of extreme domestic violence without ever physically or even verbally abusing me.. it is worse. He said exactly what my therapist said yesterday, that he is highly underdeveloped from emotional neglect as a child and has a huge inability to take responsibility for his egregious behavior, even if he says that he acknowledges that his massage parlor visits over the years were wrong, disrespectful and that he knows that he caused insurmountable pain to me and our marriage, When I asked DR. M, if there was ANY hope, any spark of recovery, he said that it becomes more clear to him with every minute, that the prognosis for H is NOT good. Too pathological in nature, too deep seated. However, there IS hope for me and I will be going to the intensive in October. He did say that if H is prepared to do an intensive for himself, either at ISH or another facility, and roll up his sleeves and address his issues head on, there could be a glimmer of some light there. he suggested that he, H and I are on a call together soon so that he can speak to both of us and maybe be able to make H realize and actually “get” what he has done to me and our marriage.
Janeybeth
Glad you are going in October. I will be there as well.One thing about Dr. M. is that he says exactly what he thinks. It can often be hard to process so let it “metabolize” a bit (his words).
I do some work with him, coaching with Barbara Steffens and for a while saw a local therapist here (not any more). I find it really helpful to take in everything, and then sit a bit before taking action. This is not easy for me, being a type A, doer….but there is time. Take it one step at a time….
I look forward to sharing and learning with you in October!
I’m so glad you are going in October janeybeth. It will be lovely for you to be with Barbra I hope you both benefit like I did from minwalla. I’ve always felt really bad about myself. I didn’t ever feel I measured up with my family and so when I discovered what my husband had done I went into my usual thought patterns and though I didn’t blame myself for his behaviour I felt I wasn’t good enough or worth being faithful to. That all changed after the intensive. After 6 days with therapists and women who I had never met before in my life, lived on the other side of the world and came from backgrounds both similar and different to my own I learnt to like myself. I’m 51. It took that long. Obviously I’m still devastated by what has happened to me. I’m still a bit of a mess. I still react to triggers and I still very occasionally hunt for evidence though this has lessened since disclosure last week. I know something terrible happened to me and there are justifiable thoughts and feelings and behaviours I have as a result. I understand these. All these thoughts and feelings are normal for someone who has had experiences like me. I have some strategies to deal with them now.
But the best thing about the whole experience was meeting 6 most beautiful women, benefitting from appropriate therapy and learning to love me.And Catherine got her pic made with Lisa and Ken Vanderpump !! It is in the photo section and Catherine looks fabulous …seriously fabulous.
No, you really don’t!! I was so impressed. You look great. She is VERY skinny but you looked better than she did and she is gorgeous 🙂
Thanks bev. That was a really gruelling day at ISH for us all. I rang home for the first time that night and cried on the phone to my husband. I sobbed for the 18 year old carefree catherine who came to me in a therapy session. I was so upset for her with the knowledge of what she had coming
We had planned to do some retail therapy but the plans changed and we went to sur instead. We had the best time together. Trish’s Tim shouted us drinks that night (he didn’t know that t the time). Trish didn’t have a clue who ken and Lisa were but messaged her daughter to tell her we were at the restaurant and ken and lisa were there. She was very impressed. Trish had as much fun as all of us!I am so glad you had Trish and Meg. I sob for the young girl all the time…..It was stolen and cannot be replaced. I guess that is why I am so hard on all the young sisters that come here. GET OUT NOW 🙂
I can’t believe trish doesn’t watch the RHoBH 🙂
I don’t watch it either.
but thank you so much Catherine for sharing some of what your life has been like, and how you are changing it. I feel like I’m meeting you again. And I’m lucky.OK – I am re-posting all of previous comments rather than re-writing them again – see below – they might come in separate parts.
First time I have felt heard in 3 years – he is astute, kind, challenging, and most of all amazingly respectful of the traumatic journey that this experience takes us on – from the existential to the practical. He clearly outlined the ways in which the trauma and its lack of recognition has paralyzed any real progress for me, despite all of the therapy I have had and the double jeopardy of being a therapist. In particular, he was able to outline and validate the ways in which I believe H continues to function out of his own sense of what is ‘good recovery’ which is alienating, immature, and based on a patriarchal model which only further serves to undermine and shackle any real progress for the partner. He understand and supports my decision to do what is first, best for me, if that eventually includes H, all well and good, but he know we are on the brink and that H’s sexual identity has neither been adequately explored or adequately shared with me.
Ironically he has spent more time with H than me thus far but that has felt necessary to get him up to speed. I spent less time crying to day and more time in relief mode. Trish you are so right – I left his office knowing that I will be able to live well in whatever the outcome and that this is about process not end results – and that is all I want – with or without H I am happy to be here and will be back if that what it takes – even though it is cutting into my house in Greece. Is there anyone in the LA area who wants to meet me for a drink? You women got me here and I owe you all an enormous debt – I am meeting with Minwalla in the am for 2 hrs – will post more then – love Meg xxox – doesn’t hurt that he is so close to Rodeo Drive – got the best Goddam haircut I have had in a while:-)
THis is my next post:
He broke my heart yesterday with the degree of his understanding which helped me to see not only how much I have been able to hold on but how much it has shown me what I have in order to have done that. It also helps me to understand the pain of my younger son who has been the most fragile of all of us. In case didn’t mentioned his 13 Dimesnions of sex addiction here they are – I experienced every single one of them:
1.Discovery trauma
2. Disclosure trauma
3.Reality-ego fragmentation
4. Psychobiological symptoms
5.External crisis and destabilization
6. Emotional (triggers)
7. Patterns of emotional and covert abuse; psychological trauma (gas lighting)
8. Sexual trauma (similar to RTS – rape trauma syndrome)
9. Gender wounds
10. Relational trauma and attachment injury
11. Family, communal, and social injuries
12. Treatment-induced trauma
13. Existential and spiritual traumaIt is a wonder that any of us is standing. The incredibly gentle yet integrative way (he uses the word metabolize) to teach this information makes it clear that as crazy as we might feel we are not going crazy, we have been subjected to a protracted experience of a life fractured from reality – what is up is now down and left means everything but turn left. I do believe his greatest gift to me this week is getting H so see t he degree of his own injury and therefore the extent of the damage he has delivered to our door – he also see H’s desperation to keep me and has been able to show him that whatever happens that will not work as a strategy for either of us – thanks God is all I can say and I don’t believe in God – although as I like to say it’s not that I don’t believe in God for you he just isn’t for me…for all of you who can manage the cost please consider him as your first and only treatment model – Most of our work has been separate – we have had only one couple session and have another one this afternoon – post more later – love Meg xo
Here’s another post – after I came back from the partner intensive:
Hi All – I am just checking in and wanted to add my voice to this post – especially as I am one of the sisters who went to the Minwalla intensive, and, I was, and am very comfortable sharing what that experience was like for me. I shared a lot on the board after my return and it was very healing to do that.
I want to make sure that I am speaking for me and only me – so the ‘I’ statements, although, annoyingly therapeutic sounding, are a way to claim that. I can make no assumptions about anyone’s else’s experience but I am certainly willing to share my own.
Minwalla had no opinion of SOS (other than what is good for us is good for us:-) – I actually made the point of telling him he was somewhat of a demi-god here when I first met him in April, before I attended the intensive, but he was not really aware of the site and he has never made any disparaging comments to me about partner support. I had already heard about Minwalla before I joined SOS but not Barbara, and it was her work, and the feedback here, that tripped me into attending the intensive.
For me, my retreat from the Board occurred after the misunderstanding between Diane, whom I have personally felt such compassion from, and the person in Hong Kong. The pain from that exchange felt a little scary and then I made a comment to Harmony about something she had shared, and which I take full responsibility for, it was this that resulted in my own need to sit back and reflect on what I was sharing and how I was sharing it. I needed to ask myself what sort of impact my comments could/can have on a sister, whose story I don’t really know. Thank you Harmony for being understanding and willing to accept my apology.
I communicated personally with JoAnn regarding my decision to remain a bit more quiet and that was before I went to the intensive with Minwalla. Yes, the intensive was amazingly powerful, and like Barbara said, it is difficult to share, not because I have no desire to share but because the processing continues, and it has very little to do with my partner or SOS.
In my case he has been back to Minwalla twice since I attended the intensive and will go again at the end of August. We are separated (x 1 year) and have contact about once per week. Minwalla firmly endorses getting out from the status quo and if that includes separation, or not, that is based on individual circumstances, age of children, finances, risk factors etc.
The intensive does not in any way focus on the SA or personal/couple struggles within the group. i.e. even if you have been, or are currently seeing Minwalla for individual or couple therapy, it does not come up in the group work. We are there as partners and to tell our story not to explore who they are, and it is this that is so healing. THere is no room for you to focus on them – I can only tell you that this is a gift that keeps on giving. I have spent the weeks since my return living in my own skin in a way that feels meteoric. I have commented on a few things since my return, i.e. the Weiner/Abedin situation – otherwise I am holding myself in a way that feels sound and definitely less contaminated by the dirt and anguish of living a life of lies.
Their lies have infected us all – this we have in common – the story behind each lie is uniquely ours. The intensive allowed us to put context on our own stories and listen with awe and humility (thank you Lisa) to the narrative of others.
This site is a beacon on a very dark road, hopefully there will alway be room for everyone to share the rage and redemption that is our shared humanity. Fuck the SA – we are not here for them – we are here to hear each other – love Meg xo
Janey – forgive me but I don’t remember the details of your story so I’m curious to know what about your h. that makes Minwalla think the prognosis for him is not good? Again, without knowing the details, I would think in a weird way this may be a good thing to hear? How many other therapists are going to be so blunt? Hope is a 4-letter word, right, and if he says there really is no hope for him, then I would think that would allow you to come to terms with that & try to move on?
Did anyone come away from the partners intensive feeling different about their SA, than when they went in? For instance, did it help you decide- one way or another- whether you would stay or go? I know that everyone has a different story and different reasons for remaining or calling it quits, but I’m just curious if the intensive itself drew anyone faster to their conclusions.
FC, This is Minwalla’s thread, but my therapist was very blunt. She said I was just NOT going to heal while I was still exposed to my SJ at all.
Jenny
I had a couple of ind intensives with him and we (dr m and I) actually discussed my slowing down from making quick decisions. So I am working on living with ambiguity for a bit -maybe after October I will feel differently but for now it’s a day by day process.So that’s where I start having a bit of an issue with Dr. M.’s advice, when he suggests this ‘taking your time’ or ‘slowing down when making decisions’ re: leaving these SA’s. (This is about the 3rd instance I can recall reading about on SOS.) I mean, c’mon now… what’s the worst that could happen should a woman leave the lying cheating piece of shit ‘too quickly’? She gets started on a path of healing and, hopefully, a journey to a happier life sooner than later? Because let’s face it, by this point in time how many years have been wasted on these fucktards already? Seriously, what am I missing??
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