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Why cant/dont i ever shed any tears? I get angry, sad, depressed, paralyzed. But no tears. Do I have a heart of stone?
I could not shed tears for about 9 months after my husband was first caught, and not until three months after I got a complete disclosure. I think it was because I was in such a state of shock. Maybe our bodies can only handle so much stress at one time? I still don’t cry that often, but when I do it is more like a marathon. Once after sending my three children off to their dad’s for the weekend, I sobbed for six hours straight.
Constriction of emotion is pretty common with trauma. SOT, you are still being traumatized, you are still in threat mode, is my guess. Fight, flight, or freeze. Some people can’t cry until they are safe enough to feel vulnerable. I’m just guessing.
Why do you think you don’t cry? I’m not buying the stone heart.
Maybe it is because I just dont care who he xxxx. I just want peace. I dont want to split the kids down the middle. I would just like to get along until they are grown, then I can leave. From your experience and other sisters it is not easy to divorce these pricks mix in kids and it is hell. He draws me into arguments to ease his conscience. Maybe I should just give him the green light. There is a man at that i work with and i shit you not he says more words to me in 2 minutes than my h does in a year. Life with an emotionally constipated sex abuser.
I believe you, SOT. I have experienced more genuine care, consideration, and kindness from strangers, than what my SA has even shown me in 3 years.
I’ve been the same way. My H cries and cries. I just watch him cry. He has even told me he has noticed that I don’t cry. I used to. I am a very sensitive person. Since Dday (Feb this yr) I have not been able to make decisions (especially “should I divorce or not”. H say he has changed and I do think he has but I don’t think he will stay that way. Also am not able to get much done – to busy obsessing over this junk!
I don’t think you have a heart of stone. One can only cry so many times for the same thing before the tears come fewer and farther between.
It just means you’re tired and indifferent to all of his shit.
SOT, I haven’t really shed many tears over this since d-day two years ago. I think it’s really hard to grieve when we don’t know who or what it is we’re grieving for. And the shock of it all lasts for a while, and I think that must block the tears too. xoxo
I agree with the sisters. Its a trauma symptom. YOu probably have felt you had so many challenges and things to do that you haven’t allowed yourself to feel the emotions that might make you cry. In contrast, I cry every single day after a life time of not being very “cry-ish”. It’s like I just gave up trying not to cry. We are all different. What’s important is that you love yourself, you look after yourself, you are gentle and tender with yourself. Even if you aren’t crying, you are wounded.
D.xoAnd I am just the opposite. I cry every day. I cry when perfect strangers are nice to me. My tears are only a blink away and I believe I have been crying so much that I have actually become dehydrated. I don’t seem to be able to stop.
I am the same as you, Trish. Probably for the first year, almost every day. The second year, every 2-3 days. I cry too much, to the point I have probably damaged my eyes. I always hurt from crying now and get so dry. It takes at least 24 hrs for my body to recover from the after effects. Painful, puffy, and quite frustrating. I cried earlier today and am now paying the price.
I cried a lot during early years of marriage, then as i tried to analyse him and the situation I stopped for a while. with me it was come and go type of situation. when I started divorce proceedings I was ok. a few months later i cried many many times. felt very lonely and cried some more. i dont think i cry so much any more. Now I have to much going on in my head that I need to deal with and I reason that I cant be emotional about it. We are all so different, but its all OK
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