- This topic has 12 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 5 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Ok so now my H has decided to quit his job as a surgeon and move down to the state I’ve been living in w the kids so he can be closer to them. In other words, this has given him the opportunity he has always wanted – to have an excuse NOT to work. WTF?!?! So his girls are so important to him that he’s going to leave his job and leave us without an income for at least six months (to get licensed in a new state and find a job takes a long time). So is the plan for me to go back to work full time to support his manipulative ass and, oh yeah, he’s home all the time since he’s not working and will have plenty of time to spend with the kids thereby establishing his plan for 50/50 custody.
Will a court allow him to do this?? I truly don’t care about getting a fucking penny of his money for myself but what about my kids? And if I end up having to pay HiM child support, I will not be a happy person, to say the very least.
Who knew that fucking prostitutes led to leisurely existence wherein one gets extra time with his kids and gets paid by the wife he cheated on to do it?
Ok, so none of this has actually happened yet (aside from the prostitutes) but I don’t think this is far off from the actual plan in his mind.Hey Anne, my h is a physician too- and he had so many prostitutes and random sex partners, it would make your head spin. He also recently threatened to stop working, commenting that I could just work more. Right. To support him?
Will a court allow allow your h to stop working? I think they might give him a brief period of time to find a job- say like 6 months- and then any support you are giving him (assuming you are working) would stop. That’s how I understand it in CA. IF he is capable of working but has reasons that he isn’t right now (like he just moved, for example), the court will give him a brief period of time to find a job. Support won’t go on indefinitely. (not sure about child support though). How old are your kids?
I’m a stay at home mom. I am “employable” but I’m not currently working – I’ve been home since my first was born more than three years ago (my second is close to two).
Not sure about the laws in your state, but in CA, if you are “employable”, they will assume you can and should go to work. Same with your h. If he is employable, then they will assume he can and should go to work. I imagine he gets giant ego strokes from his work and from the income it generates, so I wouldn’t count on him staying away from work for long.
#1 There is no reason why you have to support him. If you have to get a job to support yourself and your children, that is one thing but you have no obligation to support him unless a court orders you to do so which is HIGHLY unlikely.
#2 There is definitely no reason for you to allow him to live with you. Again, you are under no obligation to provide him with shelter when he already has someplace to live.
#3 If I remember, you have not yet filed for divorce? So there are no custody orders currently? If that’s the case I would tell him to pound salt if he wants to be with the kids instead of working. I would come up with ANY alternative other than allowing him to watch the kids while you work. Do not agree to that.If he makes any moves that remotely resemble putting this plan into place, you should file for divorce immediately and ask for sole custody, temporary child and spousal support, etc.
What an asshole. Seriously.
The old money card….they love to play it when all else fails?? Next time he tells you he loves you remember this move. Don’t speak to him. Don’t answer the phone, don’t answer email, don’t let him see the kids, don’t let him near you. Get a GOOD attorney and find out what he can and cannot do and find out what YOU have to do to keep full custody of those kids. Don’t go back to work. That means you have something to give. Let him explain to a judge why he (a f–king surgeon) decided to just up and quit and have no income for a dependant family. This guy is going to try to control you through your children and money. I’m thinking you should have gone for custody while HE is working and YOU are at home but I don’t understand the ins and outs of divorce and custody in the States. He is a total creep but that is redundant. 🙁 What an asshole.
To steal a line from Liza, “God, I hate these mother fuckers.”
What a dick. No surprise, though. They will screw you over as many ways as they can.
Guess I am not done- but what would any of us do if we had an issue that made us unfit to parent? Wouldn’t you move heaven and earth to make things right? I hate how these guys do NOTHING except try to make us look bad, make us miserable, and put our kids in horrible positions.
I hate to resort to the baseline ugly, but this is war…
If you have ANYTHING to leverage against him–outing him to whomever, proof of illegal activities–now would be a good time to use it.
Most of the ladies here know that I told my SA: if I can’t get what I need from you to support my child, I don’t care if you have a job or not. The thought of being outed at work kept him from screwing me over.
Hardball, Anne.
He’s ready to take you down. You need to take this seriously. We’ve seen this behaviour before. If we are wrong you lose nothing.Please talk to a lawyer and get your ducks in a row. He won’t know what hit him. (But you can always tell him it was you–in a registered letter, of course)
THis is manipulation 101 – hold his feet to the fire til the skin peels off – there will be no running then!
What a dick! You need to be very careful, Anne, and lawyer-up. Another sister recently reminded me of one of the character disturbed that George Simon writes about – I think it’s the passive agressive one but I’ll need to look it up to confirm – where a “lose/lose” is better for them then a win for you. He’d rather take you both down than have you “win”. In your example, he quits his job as a Surgeon – you both lose b/c there is no money or health insurance for your children and you don’t “win” (in his mind) b/c you can’t get support from him if he’s not making any money. This may not be his MO – most likely he’s bluffing and as someone else pointed out, being Dr. Surgeon is filled with ego kibbles that will be hard to give up, especially if he’s no longer getting them from you.
In NC the amount of income set in a separation agreement cannot be changed in response to a change in their income OR a change in your circumstances. My attorney advised me to use that to nail down support, since our marriage was short and I was only getting 3 years, maximum, support, and no child support. I hope your attorney also finds an option that can lock his payments down now, while he’s still got a surgeon’s income. I agree that while he may get his jollies making you squirm, and lazing about, he probably cannot resist the ego strokes of being a surgeon for long.
- The forum ‘Divorce’ is closed to new topics and replies.