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Well, he showed up with the receipt to show he has paid all the back taxes on our house and property and with 10 crisp new 100$ bills so I have some cash on hand for emergencies. I am puzzled. He says that he is going to at least honor his promise to take care of me financially for the rest of my life, no matter what happens between us. WTF He stands too close to me and I back up and tell him he is invading my space. He says ” I’m not going to jump you, I have never done that.” I said ” That is not entirely true. You used to touch me when you thought I was sleeping. You would reach out with a finger and I would roll over to my stomach to make myself less available to you.” He said ” hmmm I don’t remember that, why didn’t you say anything?” I said I was too intimidated and felt so victimized by it, but also felt maybe I should not feel that way. It was all very humiliating and confusing for me. Kinda like our whole marriage has turned out to be.” He looked concerned and confused and said ” hmmmmm I really don’t remember that, but my memory is screwed up.” I was thinking REALLY SMFAH. You sure could remember who Miss September 1975 is and if her drapes matched the rug. He told me in one of our many disclosures that he could instantly recall the image of any of the pics he masturbated to. But he can’t remember violating his wife. How damned convenient. Keep them hundreds coming gollum. 😈
Monique, doc e has convenient memory, too. Can’t remember my birthday or the kids but can remember to find a prostitute and a hotel room for his own birthday.
Don’t ever expect any satisfaction when you confront them. I’ve never found it to be anything but more painful and frustrating.
Monique, I understand the need to confront abuse. It can be helpful to be able to finally declare to them hey it was never me all those years, what you did to me was wrong. However, like Teri said, just don’t expect anything good to come from their mouths. Be prepared to hear stuff you might not like to hear — SA abusers of course always try to lie, deny, and minimize.
Probably about a year ago, I confronted my SA about certain sleep sex violations that we had never spoken about before. Similar response, “I don’t remember” and “I really have no recollection of that night”.
Recently this year, he was complaining about a football player who had been charged with rape — the audacity of the club allowing him to still play. I said to him you do realize you’re not any different than him, all the shit you have done. His response, “Yeah, I know. So anyway, let me tell you about a funny radio show…”
Intimidated and victimized. I was too. It’s so sad that we don’t feel we can speak up. I’m glad you were finally able to do it.
Wow I hear I don’t remember that a ton!!!! In fact I called my H out on it Wed and Thursday.. I told him he can sleep on the floor to where he has been the last three nights. I have also woke up to my husband trying to pull the covers back to look at me and him touching me.. I slapped him!! Woke his ass up quick!!! No one touches me unless I say so!!!
What the hell is all this weird touching when you sleep stuff? I don’t get it except it puts them in a very powerful position and victimizes us. What is is about these freaks??
This is what scares the crap out of me. I had not thought about that behavior for a long time, till one of you all said something about it and then it all came back. Then I remembered that I had snooped on his tablet to see if there was any porn on it. I found a movie he uploaded called “sleeping beauty” that the premise is a girl who is asleep is fantasized by the man in the movie. UGH it creeps me out. Then it all made sense why I was so suspicious of his late nite visits to our girls room when he got of off work at 4 am. I used to want to put a camera in there to see what he was doing. I really did not connect the dots on this till today. Now I am sick at heart. I have no way of knowing what he did or did not do. Or what went on in his freak brain. 🙁
Don’t know but I should have known, when SJ said repeatedly to me, “hun it bothers me that you have these bad dreams about me” any man who did that and lied so cooly about it was bound to have even creepier things behind that fake smile.
Monique, I think I know what you’re talking about. It might be the Australian film, Sleeping Beauty? It screened at major film festivals and almost won at Cannes. I haven’t seen it and have no intention to. However, the female character in it works at a brothel and consents to sedating herself for old men. They do things to her while she is unconscious, although no intercourse. It’s directed by a woman. Exploitative and abusive — but of course critically acclaimed. Popular here when it’s been shown on TV.
That sounds like an incredibly creepy movie. Maybe there’s something more to evening groping than I originally thought. Fear of rejection? Selfish one-sided sex? Fear of intimacy?
Yes that’s the movie he had uploaded on his tablet. How creepy is that?? Prostitute drugging herself so men can do everything but penetration while she is unconscious. OMG See, I feel his proclivity for young women and his weird touching of me is a warning bell clanging in my brain. What if he starts to look at my girls that way?? He used to go into their rooms when he came home at 4am and “check” on them. It always bothered me. He also would lay with them sometimes and fall asleep. What if he was touching them while they slept. I wanted to put a nanny cam in there to see what he was up to, but I kept telling myself I was being hyper reactive to his porn use. Now I wonder how many times he touched me and I did not know because I was actually asleep. I feel so weird right now. I want to kick him in the nuts. Dr. Minwalla told me I was absolutely right to worry about my daughters in his presence because we have no idea what he has really done and no psycho-sexual evaluation to see what his arousal template is. And the fact he played the “I don’t remember that, but my memory has gotten really cloudy.” shit. Wonder if I took a shovel upside his head it would shake loose that memory for him. I for one have no trouble recalling it. 🙁
Monique, I know you are scared enough, but I also want to validate that you are right to trust your instincts. My mom’s father used to molest her that way- going in an touching her when she was in bed and asleep. From age 5 to 12 when he was finally kicked out for his frequent affairs. My mom didn’t tell anyone until she was about 60.
I don’t mean to suggest your h was molesting, just that you are right to be concerned.
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