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Chump Lady has a post today about the men out there that are good. I thought maybe we needed some of that here in the hood 🙂
We have all been so hurt by the men in our lives. It may help to know that good men exist. In fact, there are more good men than bad. I would like to start a thread and list the good we see in men in our lives….. Fathers, brothers, sons, pastors, friends, plumbers, neighbors, etc….It doesn’t matter who or what, just that they do exist.
The world is not all bad. We got the bottom of the barrel as far as husbands go ladies but they do not get to define all of mankind. Let’s see if we all know at least one good guy.
We need a positive whenever we can get it. Trish’s post got me thinking about it and Chump Lady posted about the good so I figured it was a sign. Let’s share about the good men that we know.
My sons are very good men. They have great and large souls. They love their parents. They make wonderfully funny jokes. They help me. They work very hard. They are good to the women in their lives. They are forgiving. They know all kinds of things I will never know. They poke fun at me without being mean, helping me to laugh at myself. They are real.
I have to say “Ditto” to Diane’s post. I have 3 beautiful, amazingly kind, smart, funny sons. I believe they are “real” also. I am incredibly lucky to be their Mom.
My Dad. Gone for four years now and still my hero. My grandpa who was always put family first. My son who hides a soft heart beneath a tough guy exterior.
Great post Bev. It’s important to remember that not all men are SAs and/or assholes.
Definately my dad who’s been gone now 22 yrs. I was 33 when he died and he was 71. He was wise, funny, smart, kind, loving, caring, clever, and hard working. He always encouraged me, complimented me, and I never remember him saying anything negative to me always positive. I knew he loved me unconditionally. He was the best. I am so fortunate to have him as my dad. He taught me so much.
Thank you Bev for starting this post. Like Daisy, my father was my hero. He was hardworking and resourceful. He didn’t take the time to screw off. He was always focused on making sure our needs were met. He worked to change things for the better in our rural community. When he felt he’d hit a wall he ran for public office. He seemed fearless to me.
My son is incredibly lovable, and generous. I didn’t know until after his senior year, but he was somewhat of a role model at his small high school. He was always secure with himself and was popular with everybody for being a nice guy. I can only imagine how crushed he’ll be when/if he finds out about his father…. It would be naive of me to think he won’t find out.
I often wonder, even if I wanted to start over, would I be able to identify an SA? I thought I knew my husband. I LIVED with my husband. What’s to keep me from making the same mistake again? UGH.
But to answer your question… yes. There are good men out there.
…and on a lighter note I have to add: my father was a big, burly, mountain man kind of guy. Very intimidating first impression. I have a girlfriend who thinks it’s hilarious that I find that type of man attractive. I know its because I associate those physical characteristics with dependability, integrity and other positive attributes my father possessed.Its a bit like pregnancy. If you read about all the possible things that go wrong, you can lose sight of the fact that most babies are born healthy. Being on this forum sometimes makes you feel all men must be freaks but statistically that does not add up. Our husbands are an aberration in the big scheme of things. I still believe that.
The man I am seeing now is a good man. He has a deep core sense of values and his life reflects them. He is a kind man. I believe kindness has become one of my most important measures of greatness and goodness. He has faced great personal hardship from his childhood and through his own family life, yet he chooses a practical optimism about life, and never uses his suffering as an excuse for hurting someone else. He’s not perfect at all. We chafe at some things in our relationship, but he is a good man. That, and when he first kissed me I thought I was going to fall right down on the ground.
My uncles are good men who were their families providers and protectors, not self-indulgent whiners. They grew up when times are tougher- I wonder if that makes a difference? Some of their sons have turned out to not be quite the same.
My best friend for 17 years was a man, former roommate and I miss him every day. He married and moved cross country and we lost track of each other after I married the children’s father and we moved so many times. If he knew about SJ he’d kick his ass.
My brother is amazing, smart, dedicated to his children, runs a community college, the United Way in their town, and a hospital board, coaches youth soccer and has just started running marathons at 48. Yeah, I’m proud of him.
I have a male friend who is a contractor who helps elderly people for free on the weekends. He is my daughter’s chosen “stand-in” for her father and she talks to him on facebook all the time. He’s helped my mom with things, and me, too.
My dad adored my mom, even when they were fighting he demanded complete respect of her from everyone, even himself. They were together 48 years. Dad was so quiet, but when he talked to you, it was clear he took in everything and understood more than anyone knew about everyone’s lives. He was so generous, he gave away more and mentored more people in this community than even I knew of. It all came clear at his funeral. He passed away the summer before I met SJ. The line to get into the services went down the block. People who wanted to shared things he’d done for them, but said not to make a fuss or try to repay. It was just so eye opening, none of us knew and he wanted it that way.
I racked my brain to try to think of a good male I know at this point and it isn’t forthcoming. Man, I would have said my dad but 2 years ago I found out he was having an affair with his coworker. I guess I need to get out more and meet people. I’m glad that you all knew somebody though.
i think for every stinking SA there are at least 10 good men. SAs like to think that everyone has their problems, and i think sometimes partners get the impression that that kind of messed up thinking and PDs are everywhere. in reality, very few men are as fucked up as they are, IMO.
SO RIGHT LISA. If the entire male gender were like these idiots, the world would cease to exist. You are really dead on though, when you say they tend to think they are like everyone else. They so f–king are not.
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