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I’m spiraling downward today or at least since last night. I had to pick something up from my xh house yesterday and made the BIG MISTAKE of going inside. We talked a bit and he actually looked good. He showed me all the things he has done to his house inside and out and it looked really good too. He has spent LOTS of money on the place I would say at least 60K. Then he told me it should sell well and he’s thinking of moving to Costa Rica because he could live like a king on $1500 per month there. I said what about your kids “oh they’re grown” (but not financially independent yet). Then I looked down and saw a book ‘Flipping houses for dummies’. I said are you going to flip houses said he’s thinking about it and showed me a list of houses he’s trying to decide from ($100k). He’s very talented with fixing things up and does really good work and I dont know why but I started to feel nostalgic????? (of all fucking things for my mind to do)……… So I’m sitting there listening to all his ‘bucket list’ plans which most are contradictory then he starts showing me pictures of a mobile home he is repairing for some gal at the bar he goes to on weekends. If the mobile home doesnt get fixed “she’s kicked out of the trailer park!”. So I asked if she was paying him and he said no it’s ONLY going to cost a couple grand!!! (OMG). He said she’s ‘an old fat lady and he wants to help her out’??? She has a sin and daughter so I bet he’s trying to hit on the daughter fuck I don’t care…..I just left there feeling so poor and feeling like shit.
Oh NAPPY, don’t cry. He’s a delusional old saggy assed nipple twister from way back when. You are a shining star dear sister.
They all have that fool’s gold exterior, NAP. We know better. He won’t maintain that for long, no matter who he’s with.
You, on the other hand, are the real deal. 100% awesome to the core. He doesn’t deserve you even if he lives in a palace. He will never be good enough for you, he proved it.
Oh honey, I’m so sorry. I understand. I really miss “building” a life with someone. It’s just easier with two. But you know you can’t build a life with him because you would be invisible.
Remember our chat about building a future differently—with another woman —not for sex (unless that’s what you want, of course) but to build some security and results? Maybe you should start looking for that partner now. Maybe there’s someone you can work with on your own flipping projects.
so how do you go about finding someone? I dont’ know. Sisters, where do we go on the internet for this kind of thing. It must be out there!
big hug for you, NAP. You will feel better. It will pass.
((NAP)) I am so sorry for the pain you’re in. I think there’s some nostalgia that never really goes away. Even when the memories are all farked up, and turns out we didn’t even know who they were. But underneath you are so over him, sweet girl. I doubt these grandiose plans of his are going to amount to anything anyway. Let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling. It’ll pass.. It always does. Sending you big hugs. xoxo
Diane and I were talking about a community where woman who could not exist alone would live together to help each other out. Kinda like a commune from the 60’s. I don’t want a woman ‘partner’ because I’m heterosexual and if I ever have another partner it would be a REAL MAN not a fake one like my xh. I just wanted to clarify. Thanks for all the reinforcing comments to remind me why he’s my XH…..
Thanks all! Annie IDK why I started to feel that way. I’m probably lonely and like Diane said we miss being a unit. But that no reason to head for the swamp right???
Hang in there, NAP! You are such a star; these moments are
bound to happen at times. You know it’s not real though. I love the partners idea. Silver Lining and I talk about going into some sort of business partnership and/or roommate situation in the future. Have men for fun and women for security. lol.Love you heaps nap.
I’m considering community living with a friend and her son, and another friend and her elderly mother – I totally get it.
It’s tough on your own, it’s tough when they start living out shared dreams without us and move on while we are screwed financially. I get that too.But fuck Nap – think of the pain we’ve come through. What we thought was real never was. Hang in there – this too will pass xxx
I am totally in on the hippy girls’ commune. Maybe a gay bff or two would be okay, too. Or they could just take us shopping or come by for drinks. No nipple rubbers allowed!
Nap I hate to think of you crying over that POS. It is hard to look at what they have and not feel nostalgic or wish things had been different. But as Dr. M. so harshly put it to me “stay grounded in reality!” He is no good Nap. He is a cheater, liar and thief and all the houseflipping, money making or otherwise will not make him a man of character. You deserve a man like that. A man of integrity. He is NOT THAT MAN. He will never be that man. You, Nap, are a special person. I know because I had the pleasure of talking to you. He is so unworthy of you. 🙂
hugs
MoniqueNAP
Just remember, always remember, that asshole changed the locks on you. Locked you out of your own home. Who the fuck cares what he’s doing now or ever for that matter. Don’t give him any of your time thinking about him, ever. I know it hurts sweety. I’m in for some of that hurt, too. I don’t look forward to it but I know it’s coming and I want you to tell me the same things. Sometimes we need a little tuff love. So, suck it up, sister. You are so much more than he could ever be. Your life is going to turn around for you when the time is right. You have all that you can handle right now. When you can handle more, you will get more. Forget about him, focus on you, your kids, and your kitty.
I love you, sweety.
ClaireDear Nap, you are rich in all the things that matter – you have a heart of gold, a diamond sharp mind, and a beautifully pristine soul. All riches that your ex lacks. He has nothing that matters in the end, nothing that compares to what you have. You are the rich one, remember that.
With love,
DaisyAwww NAP… you know who he is. And you know who you are. Different galaxies, thankfully.
And thank you for clarifying. I had to read Diane’s post about three times and then go lay down and put my foot on the floor to stop the room from spinning.
Put a sticky note on your windshield. Don’t go into his GD house. Love and hugs, Debora
nap, i didn’t read the thread expect your first post. dear dear nap, we will all make mistakes. we will fall. we are human. it matters not that we made a mistake, but how we pick ourselves up, what we do AFTER the mistake. THAT is what defines us. and you reached out here, where it is safe. we love you, nap.
Best not to talk to him Nap. Not that simple, I know, as he has money and you need it. Try to get the money without much social interaction.
The idea of joining forces with another woman..I think that is a great idea. Two heads are better than one.Dear Sisters,
Your responses, kind words, and wisdom mean so much to me and have helped me to be ‘grounded in reality’ again. In hindsight I should not have gone in his house. At the time it seemed harmless then it all hit me hard. I set myself up and now know I can’t go back in there. Although as a human being I was interested in what he was telling and showing me but as his xh it was subsequently painful to know. I can’t forget it was the same person who changed the locks right in front of me, wouldn’t let me back inside as I cried for him not to do this to me and he did and more. I have survived so far and fairly well thanks to this very site, JoAnns genius creation, and the beautiful sisters I have come to know through words typed on my iPhone. You are all a gift to me your friendship and support had kept me going and you’ll never know how much it means to me. We have that community of woman right here. I was so sad last night and the only place I knew to come was here. All your words make me cry tears of gratitude and thankfulness for each of my beautiful sisters I know through words typed on an iPhone. God bless each and everyone for your sincere and caring support.
Love you, Napxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooooo
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