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Tonight I was out with a bunch of ladies….most I did not know. While we were saying our good byes…one lady just stopped me and said in front of the group….”I have to tell you, you are just stunning. Like your face is just incredibly beautiful….” then the rest of the ladies joined in and said how pretty I was, how I resembled a young liz taylor or even Catherine Zeta-Jones (Ive heard that one before.) I was so touched and have felt so horrible about myself for so long….I started crying.
So then I am at home, and my SA came home….and I told him my sweet compliments (which I find coming from women, to be very flattering….cause we all know how judgemental we can be at times.) He said well you are gorgeous….and I just got triggered and was like, well I don’t think you have thought that for years….while you were out fucking ugly hookers. He goes on about how his illness was never about how pretty or not pretty I was….then I just had to stuff my face in my pillow because I was going to scream, and our daughter is home, and I wasn’t going to upset her. I said he better just leave my room and go to bed, because I may just kill him.I fucking hate this. I really do.
I totally get it. I cant wait for the day I don’t feel overwhelming saddnees a pure rage all in the same 5 minutes.. I don’t care how or if it all gets resolved at this point. I just want the pain and anger to subside. I just keep think that this better be a disease or im just married to a monster. Im sorry your sad. A Catherine Zetta- jone look alike, well the upside of that is if you deside to ditch your h you will be just fine. Looks and smart.. double threat,, thats pretty awsome.
I hear you Kristen. The roller coaster of emotions is daily an exhausting for sure. My therapist keeps telling me to practice self care, and I am not there yet. I admit to being a fucking mess. The pain, the shock, the sadness, the rage is constant. Sometimes I get a little reprieve and some peace….just a brain vacation….until it starts up again. I sure hope this is a horrible illness too. I know he said one whore smelled like fucking ass. He still got a bj from her and left. I was like, are you kidding me???? who does that? He said, that’s how fucking sick I am, was, whatever. I have seen a lot of the hookers he fucked….which was a mistake on my part, but I couldn’t help myself. They are mostly revolting. Big saggy boobs, and kinda big, (not that I am a size 6 or anything) but for their age, they are larger than I ever was. One or two were very very pretty. Which made me feels worse, in that why would he ever want to be with me, after fucking a 23 year old goddess? Sigh.
But, when I hear from people how attractive they feel I am, or get such sweet comments about having an exotic or stunning looks….It sorta shocks me, because I feel so ugly, old, and at times like shrek. LOL
Why did this have to happen????? Yes, I am having a pity party tonight.You deserve a pity party and don’t be so hard on yourself, although I know its hard.. this is truley about him and not about us or our looks..my husband fucked men, how in the hell do I ever compete with that,, its when I’m alone with my thought know..driving or whatever. Wine helps, not while im driving though lol but I do know it gets better, 6 months ago I could stop crying and had to miss work .today I just cry on the inside. I i like being mad over sad not sure why. i wish even for just a minute I thought he felt my pain. He feels horribale I see it in his eyes but I know he has no idea how much torment it is every minute of every day. I’ve learned to mask it, for my kids and so my family doesnt have me committed, I promise you will feel better in time maybe not about him or what he’s done but better about yourself, stay strong, and dont try to figure out why . You would have to be a fucked up addict to get it and even then my shit bag h cant explain and he lived it for 2 years maybe more.
Tiger Woods cheated on Elin …. She’s pretty awesome. Christy Brinkleys husband did the same…
It’s truly not about you. Which, in a way, makes it worse (IMO).
And don’t forget Halle Berry and Sandra Bullock.
It’s never about us because they don’t really even consider us as real people. We are just objects to gratify them. I usually felt like the housekeeper for most of my marriage. dick e even offered to pay me for my services several times. How can you cheat on the housekeeper?
“I sure hope this is a horrible illness too.”
It’s not. Cancer is an illness. This is just grown ass men who like whoring around.
Yes, a very handy line, the whole ” I was so sick, I just HAD to fuck a bunch of hookers.(or men) Of course, now that you KNOW, naturally I am going to be magically cured and will not want to engage in such activities ever again.” At least mine finally had the honesty to say, “Because I wanted to.” when I asked him why he was doing that. I don’t doubt for one second he still wants to.
If I currently even remotely resembled Catherine Zeta Jones
I’d feel a whole hell of a lot better about the entire situation. 😉 I have always thought she was a real beauty.
Dreams I remember well the maelstrom of emotions and despair- up and down and around we go? I thought I would lose my mind on that roller coaster ride and I was sure the rage was going to kill me. Every time I thought it was finally put to rest, it would rear it’s ugly head out of nowhere and off I would go again. In hindsight, I think the rage passes when you simply GIVE UP. You come to realise you cannot do much about any of it. In truth, you do not ever really come to understand it and you quit trying. Most of us are semi normal but these men are NOT. There is no grasping their logic or their motivations or their version of the truth, which is always pretty loose IME. They are broken for whatever reason and it causes them to
manipulate rather than to interrelate. It causes them to be selfish and secretive and deceptive and hurtful and untrustworthy. One day you will not look at him with the same eyes as you are now. Right now you are trying to find a way to excuse him, so the pain will stop and your life can return to what it was…. before this terrible reality was dumped on your head. We all wanted that, we all longed for that. It is a real trial by fire- that initial reaction. The thing is, NO PERSON can stay in such a heightened emotional state indefinitely, so eventually you will turn your focus to yourself. You will have to, in order to survive. Then things will get better, become clearer and seem more manageable than they are right now? Everything you feel and are experiencing is completely normal for this very abnormal situation. We all thought we would die from the shock and pain, but not one of us did.Hugs Karen
Thanks so much. I appreciate the words of support.
I agree, and I know some very beautiful women have been cheated on, and I always was like….WTF? and when you saw the pics of the mistresses or whores they fucked, it was unreal how they could risk everything and have sex with these dirty women when they had such lovely, gorgeous wives.
I remember when the Tiger Woods saga happened, and the weird night he was hurt in a “car crash” I knew instantly Elin beat the shit out of him with one of his golf clubs.
I think it was kept hush hush for the sake of the mother of his kids. She was my hero in that moment and even posted a big status about it. I turned to my husband and said, I cant believe he fucked all those dirty disgusting whores with that gorgeous woman at home. I am so happy she beat his ass. He just said something like, yep, unreal.
Of course, now I know, he was in his whore fucking hay days. Fucking prick.
I wasn’t trying to be conceited, but I do forget that I am a woman, and considered attractive, this whole thing has robbed my sexuality and my self esteem. I wonder if I even have a vagina at times.Yes, you have a vagina and it is perfectly fine in every way.
Your H is a pervert. You can’t help that and we can’t help that either. Karen is exactly right. Step back and look hard at the piece of shit. What’s he really have that is worth all this heartache, self flagellation, and pain??
I’m betting he just ain’t all that….
Don’t forget that Dr. Minwalla is a clinical sexologist, and can work with your sexual trauma. This was a very good part of Partner Intensive. If you can stomach opening Stephanie Carnes book, Dr. M wrote a chapter on the impact of these guys on your own sexuality. I know mine was very damaged, then was confused about feeling so sexual after Dday. He said that was SO normal! And to go have fun with yourself. Get to know that girl again!
I have a feeling I will get there sooner than later. I will get to a point where I am just living for me, and my kids, who are now young adults. I think I have fallen into a deep dark hole of depression. I am sure it wont last. I have days like this, then days when things are just a bit better and find myself smiling at the little things.
You will be okay sweetie ….. It does take some time and some hard work. Your vagina is NOT the problem 🙂
You were duped by a pervert like the rest of us. It hurts. It hurts really bad. It was not and is not your fault at all.
Big big big hug to you !!
Im no catherine z-j and I know that my h’s infidelity and f’d up choices dose not change that I am a desirable woman. All it reaaly did is confirm that I deserve better.. well thats what I tell myself when I start to turn my anger inward. all your shit needs to be directed out to the source of the proble, here is no question that all this can take its toll on every aspect of your life but fight it all!! Dont let it overcome you. Know that these are just thoughts and there is no truth to them. You do deserve better either with him or without him,, keep that thought always with you and no matter what.
LOL….well, I don’t know if I am a clone for CZJ….but I get that all the time for years now. Now the poor thing is dealing with bi polar disease, and a scumbag husband who claims he got throat cancer from her, HPV related. NICE.
I think the reason the compliments hit me so hard…..is that I have felt so ugly, so worthless in every way, for months. I came home and told him my compliments and said, I cant believe you have a woman who loves you with all her heart, and even still looks good after 21 years together, who other people shake their head with your cheating, and you DID IT. Like you fucking piece of hooker pussy sucking dick. How could you????? How could you go fuck a smelly fat hooker, and come home to me and our kids, and our home. Are you a fucking psychopath?????
UUGHHHHHHH. I hate men.
Ill be a lesbian.and while I am at it, my asshole scumfucker prick husband, likes big ass tits…..well,I was blessed with large natural tits. 36DD. He still had to go out and fuck girls half my age, and play with their fake ones, even though he goes on and on and on how he cant stand fake ones.
What a fucking cockroach.It’s the anticipation the ritual the wondering what this one is going to be like. For them it’s like getting into a new sportscar everyday. They sexualize everything down to body parts and their own hedonistic selfishness. They may know they have a Mercedes at home but what about that corvette, 380Z, mustang, they want the variety. We turn into vanilla ice cream no matter what we look like because they already been there done that.
I read an artical recently that talked about how SA’s typically aren’t even attracted (in the normal sense of the word) to the “things” they cheat on us with , and more than not these “things” (I don’t know what else to call them) are viewed as objects to them. There’s no love, romance or connection other than the physical act of getting off. Kinda like a blow up doll or vibrator. This made some sense to me, and kinda holds true in alot of situations, the wives are always more appealing and attractive than the bitches they screw. My H said at one point when I asked “why those ugly bitches” He said looks are secondary (in his case even gender) it’s more about “now” than anything else, He said if man tells you he would pass up an oportunity for sex until someone more attractive came along he’s lying, I said I WAS Fucking home and your wife how more convient and in the “now” can you get.,he said its like the old saying.. there’s dirty bitches and there’s the kinda girls you take home to meet mom. I’d obvioulsy heard saying before t but never understood it then in the same context of t
article, at the time t was just one more knife in my back I’ve read about hooks ups, without even knowing what they look like and even weirder. It’ hard for us to sperate love and attraction from sex because we aren’t fucked up. The article talked about the SA ‘s objectifing sex partner how they often confess they would/could never play that shit out with thier wifes, because he loves her. I was shocked and pissed off that cheating and loving his wife was even in the same paragraph, but there is some fact to that and seems to explain the ugly bitches, skanks, men. So shameful! Anyway ladies please don’t let these men who clearly do not have good judgment dictate our selfworth . It’s not about us, not our looks, not our kindness, not our comitment, not our love for them, It all about them and their messed up minds. Be kind to yourselves!I agree Kristen and a great post. I just wanted to add my opinion about their ‘love’ for us. It’s not a healthy love it’s a sick love. Men who repeatingly cheat on their wives (with porn, hookers, hook ups, co workers, massage parlor sex workers) and knowingly do this behind their wife’s back DO NOT love their wife. This is not love in any sense of the word. We are used just as much as they use their objects for sex. Most of these men are misogynists.
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