- This topic has 9 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 2 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
I’m not sure of the specifics of your circumstance but I don’t think I would want to keep a friend or anyone in my life (maybe just my kids) that felt this was a situation that they could remain neutral. I agree pick a side and do it quick because wavering even for a bit says alot about them. I pick your side!
Friends that won’t take sides are not friends. They are acquaintances and should be avoided at all costs. If one encounters them the conversation should be limited to the weather and then politely excuse yourself ….
I have dropped anyone that can’t pick a side. So far the only ones I have encountered like getting their free eye exams. I don’t talk to them any more except “hi, how are you”.
What about your kids? I have adult children.Four of them. Two of the girls…27 yo and 22 yo are taking their fathers side. They say they are not taking sides but the do things such as allowing their boyfriend to “help” my SA move things from the home while I was away (he cleared out about 4 rooms of furniture). The boyfriend knew he was not supposed to be there. The 22 yo lives in Chicago( school) but talks to the 27 yo all the time. She has only called me once since my accident on Sept 8th, and that was to ask for money.
Hi tmp,
I think children are different from friends. It’s hard for them to be in the middle of all this because in most cases (not all and for good reason) they love both parents. Plus in the teens and twenties kids can be self centered naturally and don’t fully grasp what has happened to us. I’m not making excuses for them I just think they have much to process and I know my own daughters went through ‘phases’ and I tried hard not to take it personally even though it may have affected me. I just want my kids to know I love them and accept them so when I’m gone they will have positive memories of me. As for friends and my mother for example, I have no tolerance for people whod rather hurt me than support me. I only relate to friends who contribute to my life not take away from it.Thanks NAP. Its really hard to see my 2 daughters take his side. I am disappointed in them as women, and I wonder what I may have taught them by staying with their father after an affair 18 years ago. I hope they do a better job picking a partner than I did.
I agree with Nap. Kids are different. Let them have whatever relationship they want with their father.
Now, the next one that moved anything from my home without permission would get an earful from me….
tmp, I can only imagine how hard that must be.
I’ve watched another friend go through that with her only child that she stayed home and raised. She didn’t ask him to chose sides, but dad did. (Asshole dad was the fun, party guy- plastic surgeon who got piercings, tattoos, and a motorcycle when he dumped his wife). Her son didn’t speak to her or her whole side of the family for the 4 years her son was at college. She gave him space, but I think it just about killed her (especially when dad was posting their matching tattoos on the internet- and it’s WORSE than it sounds. Big angel wing tattoos with each other’s names on them). Now he has graduated and is finally getting back in touch with her.
I don’t know what my point it but that it sucks and give it time. Your SAH should never have asked your daughter and her bf to move stuff out of your house. She probably hasn’t a clue as to how much she hurt you. Not to excuse what she did, but I know it has taken me a lot of growing up and pain in my own life to really “get” a lot of things that others go through.
- The forum ‘Divorce’ is closed to new topics and replies.