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Well our playbook for them would be pretty short IMO. Page 1: die so we can get yummy casseroles, sympathy and even more delicious and heartwarming – insurance money. 🙂
A playbook for us:
1. Know what gaslighting, projection, passive aggressive, blame shifting are.
2. Make copies of evidence and store some place SAFE. (mine was stolen by my xh after he locked me out). Should have mailed copies to my friend in another state.
Haven’t we kinda done this already in the dos and don’ts for new sisters?
Liza!!!
But I think using the flathead shovel as our initial response is still the best option as daisy said. Perhaps daisy can write our insanity plea?
You sound so healthy and reasonable NAP, I can’t contribute. I’m still fantasizing about his tragic accidental death and checking the weather reports for ice
5. If needed educate yourself on spyware to aquire evidence.
6. Make sure your therapist understands trauma and knows how to treat it and doesn’t use the co dependent model for therapy.
7. See an attny to find out the laws and your rights in your state regarding separation/ divorce.
8. Know and copy all your finances. Run credit report to find any credit cards you may not know about. Know your net worth, assets, and debt.
9. Know if your state is a community property state or not.
10. Get copies of your joint tax returns going back 5 yrs.
11. Develop a support system so you are not isolated during all the events after d day.
12. Think of solid witnesses who can help your case.
13. Know you monthly living expenses needed to live.
OK….I have been dying to know…What is the deal with a flathead shovel??? I don’t even know what a flathead shovel is~
Never ever ever ever do marriage counseling with them. This is non-negotiable and right up there with the snowball’s chance in hell. And any therapist that pushes MC with a personality disordered individual is a clueless dolt and to be avoided.
Do things that give you a sense of MASTERY, because after DDay you are likely to feel beaten, powerless and insignificant.
And keep repeating to yourself: Just because he SAYS it doesn’t mean it’s true. Just because he SAYS it doesn’t mean it’s true.
16. Be aware after d day they may start spying on you to see if you are spying on them. My xh turned on the locator on my iPhone and was tracking me. Make sore your locator ( in settings) is turned off.
18. get a trauma therapist who understands what happens to partners of SA and who specializes in somatic experiencing or EDMR
19. Be aware of all insurance policies, amounts, beneficiaries.
20. Know the value of all the vehicles via the Nada value.
21. Know all his property and their value which is worth over $50 such as guns, coin collections, tools, machinery, equipment, ect.
Tina, a flat head shovel is a murder weapon. Supposedly people in the north use them to actually shovel snow??
22. Know what a flat head shovel is.
23. After d day NEVER trust your cheater fucktard again. They will lie and manipulate til the cows come home.
Tina, a flat head shovel is the weapon of choice to punish and/or take out SAs. It is a shovel with a straight edge on the bottom rather than a pointed one like most shovels. I use one regularly for edging my garden beds. Here’s a link to a youtube video on using a flathead shovel. Unfortunately it does not discuss the flat head shovel’s main purpose as defined here in the ‘hood. 😉
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOMIZ6aghBU24. Protect your children (and pets) at all costs.
25. Don’t fall for crumbs they may throw your way like “I would jump in front of a train for you” or “you’re my one and only” or they start remembering your birthday or anniversary.
OMG I love the flathead shovel thing 🙂 I used to have one but dr ahole took it. Guess I’ll have to get a new one to “edge the garden” LOLOLOL
NAP…thanks for the pet reference. They need protection too for sure 🙂 Glad to alert the sisters to that one.
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