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Big finale toward the end here so jump to the stars **** for the shorter version……..Recap, my ex is suing me for custody of my 14 yr old. My 15 yr old said hell no to living with dad when she found out she was included in the suit as well. Negotiations broke down on trying to come to an agreement in Nov/Dec for him to have #3 while I kept #2. (Wtf was I thinking anyway??!)
#1 legally changed her last name to mine and hubby’s in Dec after I was served in Oct. She can’t stand “that man” as she and I refer to him now and his suing me for custody was the last straw for her.
Update…..we have a contempt hearing Wed for him kicking me out of his house in front of my daughter and a police officer I had to bring with me to document him not returning boxes of her property that I allowed to go during negotiations. I hoped the officer who works for the city where my ex lives (I didn’t know the officer btw) could talk reason with him. Didn’t happen. When things fell thru on negotiations I asked that her stuff be returned since her room was bare bone. My ex said “No because I’m not allowing anyone to jerk her chain like that.” He told the officer a diff story. I got all of her stuff back once he got served. The other allegation is him saying “Your mother’s an asshole for making you pay for half” to #2 on the phone when she asked why he sent me half the bill for her replacement retainer that she lost. She told him from the get go that she had to pay for it since she lost it, that was my rule when I bought the first one, to teach responsibility.
Then he had me counter served for contempt-one allegation was that he didn’t have my home phone number…..we only use our cells, I use my home phone for our alarm, for faxing and for the girls to use in an emergency when they’re grounded from their cell phones in case of a fire. Another was accusing me of talking about the case with #3. I have a text from him to #2 asking her opinion on one agreement we were considering. I asked my atty how were we to negotiate an agreement if we didn’t confer with the kids at times?? My atty said it was weak of him, not to worry and my ex only counter filed to not be empty handed into court. All three of the girls will be there and the middle gets to testify that dad called me an asshole on the phone. We have audio/video from the police officers mic that I got thru my open records request where you can hear him demanding I leave his house.
Thurs I requested all notes and records from #3’s therapist that my ex takes her to since Oct when I was served. Fun reading there. On the patient form dad put “mom has been treated for depression in the past
*******Friday, I got discovery requests from my ex’s atty via mine. Provide all medical records for parties and children including psychological, psychiatric and mental health with diagnoses, dates, prescriptions etc.
I called the atty and said WTF!!!!!!! I was reading discovery rules in Texas and it says “communications or records relevant to an issue of the physical, mental, or emotional condition of a patient in any proceeding in which any party relies upon the condition as a part of the party’s claim or defense is not protected” which translates to, since I’m caring for my daughter they need to make sure I’m capable of doing so.
Soooooooo……I went to therapy for 1.5 yrs to deal with confronting my husband and then the after effects of his porn addiction until I quit.
All of that gets put before the court?????!!!!!!! Because I sought therapy for HIS FUCKING PROBLEM???!!!!
I’m so lost I don’t even know where to go from here……..
My ex fuck head knows I sought counseling at 17, tried anti-d’s bc my mom was a witch and I took Effexor for three months in 2001 when we divorced. I have never been on anti-d’s for more than 3-4 months. 4 x’s total my whole life…..
They’re only asking back to Jan 2011 on these records…..
WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO???!!!!!!! SELL OUT MY H FOR MY BRATTY KID OR CUT MY LOSSES?????
I would comply with the records request. I can feel how frustrated you are. He is being a total ass. I have hope it will all come out in the wash before it ends. You had viable reasons to seek therapy and it seems half the world is on anti depressants. I wouldn’t think they would hold you seeking help for yourself as a weakness, it is a strength that you knew and sought help. He is trying to get you to back down so his case looks stronger. Buck up and handle this. You can do this, every little step gets you closer to completion
Hi kimberley,
I’m sorry you are so stressed and wish I could go with you to court. I agree with LITH, comply with the request if your lawyer recommends that you do. I would think your lawyer is also prepared to provide context for any questions that arise.It’s an intimidation technique and it’s working. They may also be trying to push your buttons to have you charged with contempt for not complying, or to create a scene in court. Don’t give them what they want, Kimberley.
What do you mean by cut your losses? Do you mean let him have # 3? I don’t think that is an option for you Kimberley so you are going to have to hand over the records. Does that mean that the things you discussed about your H’s porn addiction will now become part of the court record? How does your X even know you were seeing a therapist for that OR has it just been caught in a widely thrown net. What a mess, Kim. I’m so sorry. Diane is right. You have to make sure you do not let your X upset you into doing something rash. Your youngest is 14. You don’t have too many more years of his BS to contend with. He is such a piece of work…… Hugs Karen
They are bad enough bc of what they did to the marriage. Now they are dragging the kids into this mess. What a coward he is. All just to get at you. Disgusting.
I know this may seem rash and illogical, I think I would just let her go if you can still keep #2 without going to court. It’s so stressful and people lie like dogs in court I personally would have a difficult time with it especially with them reading my therapy notes. IDK it’s really hard Kimberley and I would be really stresses too and not know which to pick? What does your attny think? I think your evidence against him is very solid.
Love, napYour daughter who is an immature teenager whose brain has not fully matured, made some serious errors in judgment which led you to this situation. She has admitted that she made some bad mistakes in how she dealt with this situation. Your H (current one) made some serious errors in judgment that were at least partially responsible for some of your therapy and anti-depressant use. His mistakes were made repeatedly and made while he was a grown ass, fully mature man WHO KNEW BETTER and understood that his actions HURT YOU. How is it even a question which one of those two is the priority?
Talk to your lawyer. It may be that he can fight the Discovery request as overbroad. I would. This is not a pissing match Kim, it’s a fight for your daughter’s life. Her only chance to turn out well is to remain in your care. It doesn’t matter that she is bratty. My daughter was a horrible brat at that age. Most of them are. Deal with it ’cause you know your ex won’t and neither will the stepmom. Like it or not, you brought her into this world, she is your responsibility. Your H is not.
I agree with Daisy, Kimberley. Attorney can fight it as overbroad- we didn’t turn over a ton of stuff. Therapists often refuse to turn over information without a court order anyway.
I’m sorry. I know how intrusive it feels. I had to sign releases to turn over every counseling record and medical record in my whole life and my kids’, too. It feels like a witch hunt when we didn’t even do anything wrong. (Meanwhile, people who are mentally ill can buy guns and waiting for a background check is intrusive? Give me a break? Anybody want to see intrusive government, get a divorce in Texas. Its doesn’t get much more intrusive than that. Actually, maybe I should have skipped the divorce and just bought a gun…. 🙂 ).
Hang in there, Kimberley. I know you are a tough mama. This is that usual game- look at what Mia Farrow’s been put through fighting for her kids. We know you and support you. Fuck the rest of them.
Ditto what Daisy said.
It’s your daughter. You owe her at least as many chances as you have given your H and then some. Help her no matter what. You know that without me saying it.
Anti depressants are not illegal. Your ex is fishing and threatening. Don’t worry.
Your h sold your entire family out. Multiple times. Which may have contributed to your daughter’s brattiness.
We can become so consumed and overwhelmed by our problems with these men that we let our kids fall through the cracks. I mean, we may take care of their physical needs, but we have nothing left for them emotionally. I’ve done it, and I’m still trying to repair the damage.
I would not be worried about antidepressants or therapy being discussed in court.
IN fact, if they mention that there will be opportunity to say WHY you are on antidepressants and then the red carpet is laid out to say loudly, on the record, in public, that he is a
S-E-X A-D-D-I-C-T
And how you discovered, and so on if the judge doesn’t shut the attorney up. I think they know that. Unless they think that doesn’t have any impact on a judge’s decision regarding custody of teenage girls (?!?!) they don’t want that, really. This is a scare tactic, unless he’s a complete idiot and wants to set the courtroom up to hear his dirt, which will make yours look like gold dust by comparison.
The problem is, it is her ex H, the girls’ father. who she is going to court with and it is her current H who is the SA. Her ex H is just a garden variety MFPOS but not an SA.
I really feel for you reading this string. I think I would keep giving your girl chances and fight for her. I know it’s hard but our babies are worth sacrifice not the SA. I must admit I just figured out mfpos. Like it.
Lastly I like the buying a gun idea:)
Kimberly – and Daisy can help me out here – a request for records, even a subpoena is not the same as a court order – if you don’t have a court order I would not comply with the request for records or, if you are concerned about being penalized I would just get the therapist to write a summary without details – this is such an abusive tactic and people often don’t know that there is no obligation without a court order
Thank you all for great input. I woke up this morning to #2 saying she felt faint twice as she tried to get in the shower. She got in my bed, I called in to work on a sick day, made a dr appt for her and went in the living room and called hubby in tears over what to do with court. He told me that if I decide to “out” him in the course of this then he will stand by me because he has to own this. It is what it is. Does he want it out publicly? No but he said he will support whatever way I go. We all work at the same place. I DO NOT want my ex telling my/our co workers MINE/Hubby’s marital issues, which ultimately he will tell #2 and #3 AND I don’t trust my ex wouldn’t put some fucking weirdo Woody Allen spin on things to get custody of #3.
I called the atty asking if I say nothing can they learn I have been to a therapist from some type of data base. He said no, someone would have to know the name of my former therapist. My kids don’t. My ex def doesn’t as I’ve never told him anything about my personal biz. My kids know I saw a therapist but in passing, not anything they could put a date on. We first went to a mc in 2007 for a non sa marital issue. That’s my fallback plan, doubt the records are there…it’s been 7 yrs in Jan. But I will still ask the atty about being overbroad like y’all suggested. As far as my medical goes, I’ll provide that all day long if needed. My back, my eyes, my sinus infections, the flu I had…..he can knock himself out reading that fun shit.
Meanwhile…….Today at the doctor…..Doc wanted #2 to see a neurologist bc this is two times in two months and 4 times in ten yrs that this has happened. While waiting on her urine/blood test results he decided to take a long listen to her heart. He turned to me and said he heard something. The EKG then showed some type of arythmia so doc put her on a monitor for 24 hrs and said we need to see a pediatric cardiologist for a follow up. She kept me laughing thru the whole thing when all I wanted to do was cry.
When we got home, I BAWLED my eyes out telling my husband. I just stood there bawling like a baby so he hugged me and told me to try not to worry. I know it could be a minor medical thing for #2 but my family history is bad hearts (but only the adults) and yet I’M SO OVERWHELMED.
Every time I think my plate is full, God squeezes one more thing on it.
Kim, is she still going to see a neurologist? My daughter was diagnosed with Myoclonic Epilepsy when she was 16. It causes tremors in her arms and legs and sometimes fainting. Usually happens in the morning. No grand mal seizures. She had symptoms for over a year before it got bad enough that I saw it and took her to the ER. She never said anything because she thought everyone had it.
Kim, you may want to call your attorney and see about a postponement due to medical emergency. Shouldn’t be a big deal.
Kimberley-
Wow, it doesn’t rain but it pours. I’m so sorry you are just hitting left and right with all of this.What Meg says is what I have heard about therapists and providing records for court.
I hope you daughter is okay. My daughter and I are heart monitor veterans- we have dizzy spells as well. My daughter used to pass out pretty frequently. One day she was late home from school, and I found her passed out at the bus stop, for example. So I know it’s scary until you know what you are dealing with. That waiting to find out is really hard. If it were me, I’d get a postponement like Daisy says.
I definitely don’t want to postpone tomorrow. I want to go. It’s either going to show his atty they are screwed or it’s not. Also, all three kids will be there and my atty is going to see if the judge will meet with them privately and separately at that time. I’m hoping tomorrow causes him to rethink this.
My atty just called and said opposing counsel is concerned about “the weather” and suggested we should reschedule. I said it’ll be fine tomorrow, do not cancel. He said ok, see you in the morning.
Regarding a few of his contempt violations- OC said my ex took child to therapy behind my back bc I was opposed to it. My atty said ‘How does he figure that since he never discussed it with her himself?’
And regarding child telling mom that dad has child call him from school each day, OC said child told dad that mom said she can’t call dad from mom’s house. My atty said ‘Mom took her phone away for lying about custody issues. Child never asks mom or stepdad to call dad, mom doesn’t give two cents if child wants to call dad. Mom never has kept the kids from dad physically or on the phone. Period. The child is causing all of this drama by telling every person a different story.’
Tomorrow at 9am…….it begins.
Ya think March?
Of course!
The atty just called back and said we really need to reset for a special setting since there are 8 cases on the docket and we need more time than 20 mins. The special setting request will give us more time with the judge.
Crap!
We are getting half a day 1-5p for the final hearing on Apr 30th. My atty is going to try to get us in ASAP for the reset contempt.
Uugghhhhh!!
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