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Last night the fan in my room fell over and woke me up with a start.
PTSD, I came out of the bed like a shot and was yelling something, I don’t know what. When I realized where i was, I calmed down and took a melatonin and went back to bed. But my muscles had spasmed and my neck and back were throbbing. I don’t know why I didn’t get up and take an ibuprofen. I did a meditation to focus and calm my breathing and release the stress, and the melatonin kicked in at some point. I went back to sleep.
Then had nightmares all night. SJ stuff. Woke up with serious muscle cramps, a headache and a sour stomach, which means I still haven’t done my yoga or eaten. I made an attempt to get the children up, and they’re not cooperating. I don’t really want them up, because I don’t have the mental power to start guiding them through their school days.
Just listening to the wind chimes and the rain outside. Wondering if I’ll have the energy to go finish hanging the vault show that is supposed to open tomorrow.
I hate PTSD.
Sorry, Lynn. I was having nightmares last night, too. dr e was everywhere in the background, every thing I tried to do. Having PTSD bad every day since mediation- sometimes full blown panic attacks- which is making it so hard to face all that I need to and stay calm so Bat doesn’t pick up on my energy and get more stressed.
It’s so hard to manage it all when your body is bracing for an attack. It’s either fight-flight-or freeze. My brain can’t organize itself to do much more than just freeze.
Just want you to know there’s someone else. We’ll both get through this, but it so sucks. Hope it starts getting easier soon.
Boy, Lynn. Isn’t it awful? I’m so sorry you had such a crappy night. I know what you mean about the PTSD, dealing with kids,etc. Sometimes it feels like a really tall order. I hate these men for doing this to us. Hang in there lynn, and try to do something nice for yourself today. Hugs :):):), Tina
I hate PTSD too. Lynn, sorry for the nightmares, it’s miserable, as is waiting for the next blow, and there always seems to be one. I have all the phones turned off in my house except the one that plays Star-Spangled Banner at the lowest volume setting. My cell phone has tiny little chimes that I can barely hear. Otherwise I jump a foot.
I do the same thing, Arleigh, and so does Bat. Calls AND texts. And emails from my attorney and knocks on the front door especially after I was served at my front door in front of Bat with a court summons ask that I be put in jail (among other things).
Any contact from the outside world is a potential threat.
Before SA, for about a year my startle response used to be very bad. Every single noise, I’d automatically jump out of bed in a split second ready to fight. Absolutely tiring and awful. Really hated it. Now after SA, the startle really isn’t too bad in the grand scheme of things compared to my other PTSD symptoms, it comes and goes, but thankfully not enough to bother me as much like before, so I consider myself lucky in that department. When it does happen, though, my heart feels like it’s 10 miles out of my chest and like I’ve been hit with a brick, it’s actually physically painful. I get the freeze response more, which is accompanied by a cold sweat. I practice pushing through it and forcing myself out of it.
Lynn, do you ever take any magnesium for your muscles?
It’s part of my multivitamin, yes.
I get the heart thing, I get sharp chest pains and rapid heartbeat, etc, too. I’m just scared to death, basically. I come out of it a lot faster than I used to. Following it with a night of nightmares, that was stupid. I should have gotten out of bed and changed my focus.Sorry for your bad night Lynn. I have pretty severe PTSD and just when I think it might be better something triggers it and it takes me about a week to recover. At times it so debilitating I wonder if I’m going to make it. It’s very difficult to live with. I have SUPER VIVID dreams everynight. Some are nightmares some are not but their vividness just wears me out. It’s really weird. Even with my antianxiety med sometimes my anxiety just runs wild and I can’t reign it in. The phone and caller I’D kill me esp if it’s my mother. Which she leaves nasty messages I don’t listen to them to traumatizing. She also writes me letters so when I see one from her I go to shit. The holidays are really hard for me because usually some of my brothers come and she has them hoodwinked. I really hate it too.
I’m so sorry for your shitty night, Lynn. Any way you can lay down today and take a nap? Though I guess doing that can sometimes fark one up for the next night. But I hope you can at least rest today, and do things that soothe you. Take care of you. xoxo
Moving like molasses, I am.
Finally finished the artists bio and other paperwork for the gallery for tomorrow. Got Ross through science and started on math. Helped my daughter get her day going. Did just minimal yoga stretches, and fixed dinner. Ate.
On my way to the studio to complete that last painting and hang it (wet, don’t tell) and set up the promotional table for tomorrow.
And maybe I’ll sleep through tonight. Hope so.
We rock, sisters, knock us down and we get back up having learned evasive maneuvers, enemy weaknesses, and personal strengths we didn’t know we had.
So sorry you had such a rough night Lynn. Hope the next ones are more calm. You have a lot going on right now but you are handling it very well! Different things seem to trigger each of us. I panic at knocks at the door, HATE it!. Don’t like to answer the phone at all, or open mail either, I’m always expecting bad news, I get knots in my stomach and feel nauseous. My startle response is way too sensitive also. I guess we will always be like this(?) thanks to the idiots we were involved with.
We all have a massive case of PTSD. I used to love getting the mail. Now I shake when I get it. Yep Junie. Knocks on the door. Phone ringing. Startle easily.
I wish the “experts” did more research to help us. I feel like we are way down on the totem pole.Cell phones and texts are the worst. Also because that’s how he communicated (and still does?) with his whores and tramps.
Arleigh, I got my worst shocker when he put the wrong chip into MY phone. You can imagine I have phone issues, too.
It does get better. I have had so few issues. But last night, it was while I was in a deep sleep, so all the usual things I filter through, and tell myself, well they just weren’t there. And so, I just freaked out. And collected myself afterwards.
Guess it’s a good thing i’m sleeping alone now, eh? Nobody to scare the bejesus out of when I do that.
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