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My h informed me today that he is filing for divorce. That he is not a sex addict and he has realized I am at fault for his lack of contentment and joy over the years. This one week before intense surgery. Girls are to be told Friday. He will “support” me till January, at which time I need to become able and self-sufficient…Physical recovery takes months. 18 years stripped. Can not describe the array of emotions and questions screaming around my head.
Northern,
I’m so very sorry. He may or may not be a sex addict but he is an ass – that’s for sure. So much for the recommitment ceremony. His problem is his own – I’m just so sad that you wasted precious years with him.
Now – it’s time for war. Not sure about the divorce laws in Alaska – but I can’t imagine that he owes you nothing after 18 years. Sounds like he is in lala land.
And the ass caused you to have back surgery and now he dumps you? What a piece of work.
Do you have good friends to help you through this horrific time? Your daughters?
I’m so sorry….
Big hugs to you – and btw, your new life will be MUCH more fulfilling – promise. This guy can only think about himself.
Deb
He is the only one “convinced” that he is not an addict. He is a poster child, denial and all! Struggling to fathom having to wake another day, let alone process the future. Good friends-yes. I am pulled between rage for all that he has stolen over the years (recent worse as his “issues” intensified) and devastation over all the broken promises/lies/deceit mixed with future dreams demolished. Top that with the agony he will be pouring onto the girls.
Northern,
I’m so sorry. This must be a jolt to the system. Just when you were struggling to deal with the blow of all his antics – and then he acts like it was YOUR fault.
Northern – keep repeating to yourself “This has nothing to do with me”. I know that’s hard to do, but it’s important for your own self-esteem and the path to getting out of this whole.
How old are your girls?
Deb
Hi, Northern,
So sorry for this blow. I’m guessing it is retaliation for you confronting him with his therapist. These guys don’t like anyone calling them out/seeing through them.
If you already have an attorney, you could try to file first. That gives you the upperhand in the divorce process. It’s not necessary, but maybe worth a try. Definitely time to get an attorney since he is planning on pulling financial support for you and your kids while you are recovering from surgery. What an ass.
I know you are reeling from his announcement, but get yourself to an attorney ASAP. Deal with the emotional fallout after you have got the ball rolling on protecting yourself. We’ll be here for you.
After 18 years and 2 children ,I don`t think he gets to decide how long he will support you…
Forget the emotional part for now ( I know it isn`t easy). . I may sound harsh but your life and children`s lives will be affected forever. Get an attorney TODAY. I know you cannot really focus or think but your attorney can.
We will be here for you. You can fall apart later…not now.
Northern,
I’m so sorry about what is happening in your life right now. My xh did the same to me except he didn’t tell me. He changed the locks on our home, wouldn’t let me back so I
lived in a hotel and 5 days later he surprised me and had the divorce papers delivered to me at my room. Just fucking ruthless, our hs, they are so selfish and find us desposiable. Well I’d say F you asshole go ahead and divorce me. Get all your shit out of this house and get out if you don’t want me anymore. Then tell the MF you’ve retained the best lawyer in town and you have 2 goals: make his life a living hell and to make him pay. Scare the shit out of him!!! Then tell him you find him so revolting you’ll no longer be speaking to him. If he needs to contact you he can have his lawyer call your lawyer. “I’m done!”. Im so angry right now because I know what an asshole he is to do this to you. Thinking of you sister!
Love, NapSeconding all the sisters. This is indeed war. He may shot the opening salvo but you need to bring in the big guns. Get an attorney right away and get those temporary support orders in place. He does NOT dictate how much support or how long he is willing to pay it. And you definitely want to get it on the record about your “accident” that triggered this back surgery. I know this sucks to deal with this right before your surgery but I’m sure this was all part of his plan to hit you when you are most vunerable. So prove him wrong. Be strong and empowered and hit back immediately.
Sending you strength for the fight and {{{Hugs}}},
DaisyAbsolutely listen to the sisters. You go and get your life back from this sorry piece of a man. And he doesn’t give orders. The law does. Get that lawyer. He thinks he’s scaring you into begging him to stay.
D.
This just makes me sick. This vile creature does not even deserve to be called human.
Yes, please GET AN ATTORNEY NOW!
Your entire future depends on it. Once you file let them handle it. Do not believe any of his lies–and there will be more lies. And begging, and swearing that he has changed.
Once you take control he will change so fast it will make your head spin. Be ready for it.
As Oprah once said, When people show you who they are you need to listen.
This man has shown you who he is. Now you must protect yourself and your daughter.
Much good energy coming your way ~ JoAnn
northern,
what a fucking freak.
what a delusional fucking freak.
what a stupid delusional fucking freak.
what a cruel stupid delusional fucking freak.
kick his ass northern. use the law to protect you. use your strength to protect yourself.
what a dumbass cruel stupid delusional fucking freak.
Oh yeah, it’s on Sister. Talk to as many attorneys as you can NOW…. Not tomorrow, like right this minute NOW. The Motherfucker. And for ALL you Sisters trying to make it work with your own SA’s? Here’s today’s public service announcement. Take a mental note – This could be you in the blink of an eye.
Yes, Liza makes a very good point. These MFs could all of a sudden decide: I don’t want your ass anymore because you know too much and SURPRISE YOU with a divorce. There are at least 6 of us I can think of on this site that this has happened to, maybe more, so please be prepared in case it does. I was blindsided, not a good position to be in.
I think this is most likely to happen when they have no intention of changing their behaviors and want no impediments to doing as they please. In that case, it’s the best possible scenario: They show their true colors and let you off the hook. But that’s when you smear on your war paint and make them pay for all the years…
There you have it Northern…the girls have spoken. We all understand that you probably want to crawl into a hole and die BUT there is no time for that…not with children. Find the hungriest lawyer in town and then let that vile, excuse for a man have it. The pain, regret, and grief will have to wait until you have the money to dwell on it. That being said…I am REALLY hurting for you. For now, fight back Northern…it may be your only chance. Karen xx
SSSooooo Sorry Northern,
I do not have words right now, just want you to know that I am thinking of you.
Hugs,
CindyThe Pompous Son of a Bitch. I agree with everyone. Get an Attorney right away. Clean out any and all bank accounts you can get your hands on. I am sure the pain is overwhelming I’m so sorry. Hugs and Love Kathy
Long, painful week. Our girls (14 & 16) were told today and are devastated. They are remarkable young woman. I was in awe of their insights and forthrightness. Sadly, my eldest disowned her dad and my youngest expressed she felt betrayed by him. For now they mourn and must process through the tangled ball of emotions. They have a great network and we will eventually heal and thrive. Thank you, Deb, for asking.
I`m not so sure it`s sad that the eldest disowned him. Sounds like she might save herself a lifetime of heartache. Hang tough and take care of yourself. I PRAY you did get an attorney. Do not let him call the divorce shots. Your girls deserve better and only you can protect them.
Northern, don’t choose the attorney that promises everything. Make sure family law is their specialty. Tell them what you need and see how they respond to your most important issues. Make finding the right attorney your top priority for your girl’s and for you. We love you, Northern. The girl’s responses inspire me. I will be thinking of them and you.
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