A Brick Wall

I think it varies from person to person. Each of our experiences are different. As we all have varying pain thresholds, we all have a different “bottom” or wall to hit before we bounce. It took me telling my husband in no uncertain terms that I was leaving and he had to leave and throwing a book on addiction to get it, but then in hte first 6 months he didnt really get it – and actually, I would say the other day 18 months in from asking him to go, that I can say i’ve seen evidence of recovery. But that came after 2 days of fighting and old behaviours…

I think some people are dead before they get it…

Hmmm. Bottom. Bottom i think would mean that everything that has happened to you, is so bad, and that you feel so much pain…that you have to stop. That you feel so sad/bad about yourself and how you are living, that you stop. Its something i think in the brain to feel empathy and compassion.

For example if we hurt someone, we would not do it again. However these guys don;t feel it. They don;t get it. And that being able to see through the eyes of someone else, the pain and the empathy, is what triggers you to stop.

I also think that they have to have some sort of sense that what they did and/or are doing is wrong.

My h saw no wrong with porn. What do you think the odds are that he will stop? I think if they can put in their minds that it is morally and physically wrong for them, it would be easier to stop.

Typically people don’t really find health or religion, until they are diagnosed with a life threatening condition. On that day they, if they value their life, make a complete about fact. They lose all the wait, and life their life everyday. But why do you have to be threatened by death to wake up.

And why do our h’s have to be threatened with us leaving. Its becasue there is something wrong with the brain. They do not get it, i don’t think they feel empathy or pain. If they did, i do not truely see how they can live this other life.

And undoubtedly have no respect for the spouse. You don;t lie to someone you love. And you don’t engange in activities that are not for the betterment of your marriage.

Sounds like your soon to be exsah is not doing so well. But he is in control of himself. He’s not your problem.

Flora, I have that gene! I’ve never had a hangover in my life.

I agree with Jos… everyone’s bottom line is different. Some I think if a pretty high bottom line and the simple loss of a job or threat of loss of family is enough.

There are alcoholics that have liver failure and are dying and still drink. Sex addicst with AIDS they get from unprotected sex. And they are still acting out spreading it around. Because for those, the bottom line is death.

Nap
I think that every time they hit a brick wall they turn around, build another one and run into it and then they turn around, build another one…..
Ellen

March,
I read somewhere (it was meant to be funny) that the best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk. Not true, huh? My husband gets sick everytime he drinks. I’m baffled. I’ve never gotten sick and I feel like it would only take once and I’d never drink again!!! But I’ve had my share of consequences and then repeating the actions so I’m probably fooling myself. My dad always said, “never say never.”