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I hope this is not too loopy to post – but it was so profound I wanted to share. Our unconscious minds never rest and I believe that sometimes in life we can have very important dreams. They have strong messages and are almost other worldly in essence and experience. I have had a few in my life. Last night I had one – amazing—I hope you don’t me posting it- Sa related for sure.
I dreamt I was on a plane and as it was taking off I could see the ground closely beneath me and the plane was rocking back and forth, really unstable. As it took off to the sky I knew I was a goner. It was revolving 360 degrees all over the place terrifying. In my dream I thought—God Father, here I come. Then I began to freefall like crazy—and something told me, nothing would happen to me unless He allowed it. That there was a sovereign power at play.
Next scene – I am back in cabin of the plane and I am floating flying through cabin felt like out of body experience. Amazing sensation. I float/fly toward cock pit of plane—see what the hell is going on –and who was flying the damn thing. I fly into the cockpit. It was a residential closet- with cabinets, no control panel, no nothing. I am terrified cuz no one is flying the damn plane – like a ghost ship. it was a total shock.
I exit cockpit and I see Darryl, my SA H standing there. I say who is flying the plane? A few times. He says something like, don’t know, it s crazy. I say no, you are crazy. He says come here I want to show you something.
I enter a large living room area on the plane, he sits at computer. There is a girl standing in front of a fish tank, she is non descript. Darryl says come here I want to show you something on computer- it seems shady. I immediately start crying- and say in SPANISH, can’t believe it in SPANISH in my dream, and said it out loud in my sleep because I woke myself up- (I do not speak Spanish, I took it in Highschool – used very little)
I say “Por que Tu pagas por canina” Over and over – it was like I was speaking in tongues—deep from inside. So clearly. I wake up write it down and look up it words. I had no idea what they meant
I translate after I wake up — It means “why do you pay the dog?”—
Talk about profound. I can’t believe those words came out of my mouth. I am reviewing our checking account today. I bet he’s not clean.
Sometimes we get messages from above. Open to all of your interpretations –thanks all. I really can’t believe I dreamt that.Hi Pam,
Wow, what a dream and the spanish part is really something. I don’t know much about dreams but I think the dream you had probably has a lot of symbolism and maybe some preminission. What they are I don’t know. Do you have any ideas? Thanks for sharing.
NapxxooWow, Pam, that gives me chills. I think there’s a LOT of value to dreams…really think about it! Love, ZG
Well, paying for the dog is obvious to me he’s paying for sex. which alerts me to watch the checking account very carefully. thanks commenting
I do believe that we should always follow our gut and pay attention to things like our dreams. There is really nothing ‘magical’ or ‘supernatural’ about it, what happens is we are seeing or feeling certain input that is too subtle to register consciously but our brains do get the messages and it takes the form of a gut feeling or a dream.
I remember reading an account one time of a man who swore he had a premonition about his girlfriend and had prevented her from having a car accident. He was over at her house and they were outside talking by her car.
When she was ready to leave later he just got this awful feeling that she should not go. He had no idea why, but the feeling was so strong that he insisted on driving her home himself.
When he returned home he noticed a leak by the car, that had not been there before. When he checked it out he found that the brake line had been damaged and all of the brake fluid had leaked out.
So, was this a premonition? Of course not, but somehow he had picked up on some subtle clues. Maybe a slight odor of brake fluid, maybe a dot or two of fluid on the ground? Who knows, but the fact is that our senses do take in much more than is consciously registered.
So, lesson here–always trust your gut and those subtle feelings or dreams. They are telling us something.
Now I hope that your dream only meant that your brain was just processing some old fears or thoughts, but you are wise to be on alert.
Do pay attention and let us know how things go. Take care of yourself and stay strong. We love you.
well I received my answer. A check was cashed on 6/15 by a contact from his past –yes a “special worker” whose name I won’t reveal. How did this happen?
First of all, SA H is not supposed to have any check access, my signature was forged, and it made was directly to the person’s name whom I know there is to be no checks cut to. SA H gave me 3 names of his “contacts” whom we should never pay. why would he put their name on it, have them cash it blatently when he knows I check the account periodically to confirm– nothing fishy is going on. I just don’t get it. Does he not care at all if he gets caught? Did this contact save an old check? I don’t think that is possible. but check was dated march 2011. but the number sequence is from current check book.
I will address when I get home. unbelievable.
btw — check was to tranny worker. SA H named the ones he sees as part of disclosure. Also- no way it was old check. I did not even received current check numbers until May. That means he took a check– did whatever with sex worker, had tranny back date check to march to make it look old. It is total bs. physically impossible it is old – check sequence was not even in my possession until May. Unless the whole check is a fake. doesn’t look it to me. the only fake here is HIM. HIs fake recovery. damn straight no one is flying the plane — there is no control only his addiction tossing us around everywhere. He really is a useless piece of crap.
Hi Pam,
So sorry to hear of your h activity. Your dream really makes sense now. I think you can fly the plane just fine Pam, you’re a very strong person and I’m thinking of you.
Stay strong, Love, napxxooSo sorry Pam. Your unstable, unsteady dream prepared you perhaps. I don’t know how you cope. He is not trustworthy of flying the plane…you need to protect yourself. Please take care of you.
B. TrayedOh, Pam, I’m really sorry to hear that:( I’m thinking of you. You are getting stronger every day and, like NAP, I have confidence in you. But it really sucks!
MariePam, I’m so sorry. I hate the gut wrenching, sick in the pit of your stomach, mind numbing feeling that comes with a discovery like this. Take care of yourself first at this time.
Love, Lindyp.s. I have dreams such as yours occassionally too. It seems it is just as JoAnn said. My dreams always clarify some situation that has been niggling in the back of my brain somewhere and I haven’t been able to wrap my head around whatever it is.
pam im sorry this has happen i do know how you must feel, please take care of yourself, if i can be of any help feel free to call me. much love katt
Pam,
I am so very sorry your dream proved correct, although like JoAnn said, there are usually subtle things being picked up by our subconcsious. As I write that, I can feel that awful feeling that must have been in the pit of your stomach. We know it all too well. I’m so glad you have us here to share this with. Stay strong, as I know you are, and my heart goes out to you.Love and hugs, Zumbagirl
Hi Pam,
Ugh. But I am glad you had your dream. Even as of March was hil still patronizing hookers? Even if the check was from March – why would he/she wait so long to cash it? I think your gut is right that they post dated the check…he is thinking this will throw you off and has outfoxed you. And you have laready though of what the “stories” i mean lies could be. I think given your dream and analysis you posted here, you are spot on.These things work in funny ways. I found the hooker call card when my daughter dumped out my SA’s wallet. I was going to play my daughters music on the computer and pressed play on the media player…and porn popped up. I too had these awfull dreams where my SA’s was cheating pretty much right in front of me. And i would cry and plead and say you are cheating on me, and he would also act indifferent and just not care one bit. Really that dream is not far from the truth…he has not cared one bit…and who knows he may have had affairs as well. He won;t admit to anything else but porn, but even that he hardly admitted to, and has minimized. It all makes me sick. Ugh. So sorry Pam.
Flora
pam its odd how our minds give us what we need, i to have these nightmares. many times i think if i find what i dream while i am awake i have no time to process it. how could any woman believe half of what has happen to us. this sa stuff is so bizarre to say the least, much of it is a living nightmare. i sat here one night a wrote out all that i know my sa has done and when i finished i was shocked at how could a person do all these wrongs and still think or believe HE DIDNT DO ANYTHING
Hi Pam,
So much to think about. I do believe that we do not know how to use parts of our senses that we have. It is another one of those unexplainable things about us humans. What you explain in your dream is so surreal. When we have dreams like that, it makes you question reality because it feels so real. We are already questioning what is happening in our world, and it can make one feel really odd. Thanks for sharing. So sorry about what happened with your SA after. It just feels so damn hard.
Be strong Pam.
hugs, CindyPam – I am so sorry this happened to you again. I, too, have had a few prophetic dreams that have been very symbolic and gave me direction. (A few since I met Steve.) I remember when I had a serious auto accident and ended up in ICU for a few days, I remembered that just one month prior to the accident I had my entire life flash before me. Wish I had payed attention and put some meaning to that event. Maybe I would have driven more defensively.
I know it must be so hard and gut wrenching to have this happen, but at least you know.
Things do happen in mysterious ways no matter what interpretation we put on it.
My thoughts are with you in getting through this newest trauma. Be strong, and try to think of this as something that was meant to be. Although very difficult for you right now, be glad you found out now – not months or years down the road.Pam, I absolutely believe that dreams hold a message; perhaps something in our subconscious that is jabbing away at us but we can’t seem to face at the time. I also believe in Astral Projection but that’s a whole other story…
It’s strange because it was a series of dreams that initially led me to investigate things that I always thought were bizarre, but couldn’t put my finger on it. Of course, I never expected to find the amount of things I did, but it was in fact the dreams that gave me the extra push I needed to seek the truth.
I’m sorry your SA is pulling this crap. I know that feeling ALL too well. It’s like having the rug ripped out from under you and landing on a bed of nails. Your SA is using typical sneaky tactics in order to continue his sickness {as mine does}. Sad thing is, they really believe themselves to be untouchable. I’m sorry you’re going through this again.I HOPE YOU LEAVE THAT SORRY SON OF A BITCH!!!!! Ugh!!!!! I am SO SICK OF THIS!!!!!!!!!! I can’t STAND these assholes!!!!
Let me tell you all something – and I understand that this is just MY experience and I can’t predict what would happen to YOU, but as most of you know, I finally got the courage and strength to file for a divorce and I am in the middle of that shit storm as we speak. I have taken a little break from SOS (just a couple weeks) because I have been busy with two jobs, this nightmare, and no convenient Internet access. I have missed you all!! When I served my SA his divorce papers, he acted sad, said he didn’t want it, said he would give me my space, but didn’t want a divorce. Three days later, he heads down to our boat in Tennessee to party with our friends and it’s business as usual! He comes home and is being nice to me and pretended like the divorce thing never happened. Five days later, he takes a DATE to a concert that I bought tickets for (200 bucks each) on a wknd getaway to Wisconsin with OUR friends, whom he called and said, Me and Patty are getting a divorce (a HUGE shock to them) and then he says, by the way, do you care if I bring a guest?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??
Our friends were terribly uncomfortable! It was awkward for them. This was a trip we had planned with them since October!! My SA has no conscience whatsoever and is the biggest narcissist I have ever seen!! Since then, he has been a total smug asshole and literally laughs in my face. He walks around on his cell phone at home 24/7 right in my face. As soon as he knew I was serious about the divorce, he has shown his true colors and unstable personality that I always knew were there!!! I finally lost it and went psycho one night! I didn’t touch him or damage anything but I knocked a bunch of stuff around and screamed (literally) at the top of my lungs for an hour!) He just sat there like the sorry SOB that he is!!! He said one thing – “I’m sorry I wasn’t a good husband”. That’s it. Nothing else. And he said it like that should be sufficient and I need to get over it. Ugh.
My point is this- ladies, please beware! If You are trying to work things out, these guys can turn it on and off like a light switch! Please don’t waste years of your precious lives, only to leave in the end and have your SA instantly replace you and then laugh in your face. You can imagine the feelings of humility, grief, sadness, guilt, regret, the list goes on.
I love you all!!Thanks for following up with me on this– ladies–love you for it. The check / dream incident led to WW3 between me and SAH. I got super busy last week was unable to post. I explained that I was no longer comfortble “pooling” our money to the same account – to pay bills, if for whatever reason, checks were being cashed, even if from prior times, by prostitutes. That I did not feel safe. So I told him I would pay my 50% of mortgage, my 50% of utilities and the rest of my salary was mine, he could fend for himself with his small business, cash flow issues. It totally sent him reeling. Didn’t care. I let him reel. I also addressed the fact that my financial needs were not being taken care of, given priority in the way I expect. I have set some new boundaries of what it will take to make me feel comfortable. So far, so good. His balls are nailed to the wall financially, he cannot run his business without my salary at this point, so he is being obedient to what I expect. As he should.
Where I am on the check/ that dream etc– I will never know if that check was an old check, as he says, that this person tried to cash, or a recent event. While I believe it is an result of his past acting out, I decided to weigh all factors here. What I can say with certaintly after weighting all factors –is that I have seen more improvement with him in the last 30 days than I have in honestley, years. Sobriety is not always linear. I think he is / has taken steps forward. While it may be rocky, tentative, and he may very well have been off the path (I mean duh, he obviously was) there is at least a path to fall of now, where there was none before. Prior to last 90 days, just active addiction, no real recovery path/effort. It may sound strange, but I don’t see it as a return to where he was — so heavily addicted and our whole life out of control. I feel more control over my finances and life now — and basically explained that if another check “shows up”, the delivery will be financially seperated at minimum.
that’s where I am at.
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