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good name. Thank you for your responses. After I blocked that idiot… I felt so angry that I contacted his wife.
yeah… I did that and ya know what? she was really nice, too…
I doubt that she took it seriously, though and of course, its none of my business, anyway. Just a public service. Interesting though… I’m fakebook friends with HER, not HIM.Flirtatious husbands… red flag. I had these clients and the husband was coming onto me right in front of his wife. ewww…
I realized that whenever I talk about Jonathan (predator) or that fakebook dude… All of it is really about my marriage or the lack there of.
Is my husband an addict too? Do ALL men look at porn??? Do they ALL have affairs, emotional and otherwise??? I was faithful to him all of those years… until he left his shit on my computer… I just wanted to feel loved and appreciated.
And all he is worried about is can he get it up? who fucking cares?????????? Kitty isn’t worried about that… he just nuzzles and purrs… now THAT is a MAN!!!
Hi Lexie,
I don;t know all of the answers to your questions. But one thing is for sure something is missing with him and your relationship as a couple, and the answer could be many things. From what I have learned is that we all yearn for intimacy in our relationships, and when we do not get it we feel lost and as if something is missing. Intimacy anorexia is the lack of intimcay and withholding of the intimacy from the spouse. And he may very well be doing that to you. He may have his thing, he may have an addition, he may not, he may be depressed; but what all of it is doing to your relationship has the same effect, which leaves you lost and unfullfilled and wondering what the hell happened…is it me…is it the kids….is it finances. I think if you were okay with his activities you would not question. For instance you ask do all guys look at porn…many say to lust over another women is in itself comitting a crime. However I do not think its true, but to spend so much of their time lusting over other women, is not. I do not feel that porn belongs in a relationship unless it is done as a couple. That is the only way I see that it could be done without potential problems. I do think a good amount of men do have affaris emotional or otherwise…is it good for their relationship…no; and they are probably best off to get out or buck up and get with the program and devote themselves to their wife. I think alot of these guys go around searching for this perfect women or the perfect wife; but if they had put an ounce of that time into their personal relationship, they would have found that they had what they wanted right in front of them. But neverless its easier to be fake and not have to make the effort; in other words something for nothing. Our society as a whole is moving to this “me” philosophy and generation where there is not thoughts of others and you think everything should be handed to you on a silver platter. Its not good.But I think that you have spent so much time assuming it was you, makes me even more beleive that the problem is really him.
Thank you so much Flora– I agree with everything that you say. My husband was going to therapy 3 times a week, when I met him, and one of those was group therapy. Five years later, when we moved out of Manhattan, he left the group and everyone implored him not to, and now I know why. In fact, one of the members who knew my h the best called him “reckless.” Now, if you knew my husband, in the real world, that is not the first word that would come to mind. He presents as being kind, honest, helpful, loyal, steadfast in his word– in other words, a man of the highest integrity. He is the guy who strangers walk up to in NYC asking for directions. We used to joke about it like he must’ve been wearing a sign saying: “if you’re lost, I can help you find your way.” right.
During my “dating phase” which I’d actually rather not think about too much, I did learn an awful lot… There were just zillions of men looking to take the easy way out… and YES, ENTITLED is the word… not having their “needs” met at home and not wanting to “change my situation or yours”. that phrase used to make my skin crawl. I remember some of them say… “Lexie are your NEEDS being met?”
Like wtf??? eewww… I don’t need a man to get off… I wanted to be loved, however looking for that online, is folly. Not saying it can’t happen, but…………
I would ask the ones who seemed more open. Do you love your wife? and the answer was almost always. “oh, yes… very much.”
clearly.
I do believe that there are many people who simply cannot be monogamous and yes, that’s totally fine. I do get that as well… but if that is the case, then its only fair to state this UP FRONT with your intended and/or find a partner who also embraces this philosophy. difficult? yes. impossible? no. Lots of women are bi sexual and actually like the idea of this type of arrangement.
I think that some men go into the relationship thinking, or at least have convinced themselves… “this is the one… this is the woman who’ll make me foresake all others…” maybe, that is… and then there are those who just figure that they CAN have their cupcake and… ya know…
From what I know of men… they are not plotting our demise. They don’t think that far ahead. its point and shoot and lets see what’s going on, on okcupid… yawn… zzzzzz…
what a great way to unwind after a hard day at the office… harmless, right?
My h and I did use to watch porn on occasion and I liked it. It was fun and sexy… and then he stopped being sexy. we had the boys and with each successive year, came one more nail on the coffin of our sex life. It was like having sex with a worm and I wanted sex with a man who made me feel like a woman. After a while, I just stopped wanting it with him, altogether. I thought it was me… but who can compete with a nubile 20 yr old on a flat screen?
There’s just so much thats missing, but I don’t have a way out. I don’t seem to have the energy or the will to figure it out, either. All roads lead no where. I feel like a caged wild animal that’s been kept in captivity and then if its let back out into the wild will get devoured almost immediately.
PS: my h has always had lots of “girlfriends”– he did when i met him. I never gave it a second thought, but its a big red flag. i thought he would be the last man in the entire world to engage in extramarital affairs… and I do consider the cyber sexy chats to be affairs of a sort. its not right and yes, it does erode the foundation of a marriage… particularly when he’s talking to another woman about his wife’s breasts.
Lexie,
I really think there is always a way out. I think we don’t want to think about it because it’s tough. Living a life of compromise and neglect is even tougher. You are so gregarious and your energy will move you in the right direction. In a sense, you are in a cage. You only have to live in it if you think you do. We get so comfortable with our current circumstances that we forget what life is all about. Life needs to flow. If life isn’t flowing then we aren’t living it, we’re tolerating it. What we tolerate is so low on the totum pole it’s insulting. Lexie, you’re smart, talented, and I hope you don’t compromise your life forever.
Love, NapHi Lexie,
My H comes across as this most kind caring and thoughtful too. Makes it even a tougher blow to the head. Just incomprehendable. I never saw it coming. My H had lots of friends who were women, and always had girlfriends as well; prior to us dating. Found out as part of this that he cheated on both of his long term girlfriends, but he said it was them. Sorry, no buddy, I am sure it was you first now given your history. This is not how who I thought was a kind loving person should act. I know now that kind and loving and sweet are an act, because someone who is kind andloving would not cheat on his girlfriends nor would he live a life of lies, repeadetly lieing to his wifes face.
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