- This topic has 11 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 3 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Hello Sisters,
As we continue to welcome more and more sisters to the site, I cringe with every horrible story. It is oddly so validating to learn that I am not alone on this journey. My heart hurts for all, but especially for those struggling alone and who have not reached the kind of support that we have here.
There is nothing that can come close to the relief and support I have received from the sisters, however, I have had to supplement my healing with a counselor. My counselor is wonderful and has been a necessary element in my legal situation of divorce. My counselor recognizes and has diagnosed the trauma that I have been through and has worked with me in relation to the related stress. A colleague of hers has started a support group last week for spouse’s of sex addicts. The group meets about 45 min away from my home and just started last week. My counselor asked if I would like to attend. I told her that I would like to attend to find out what it is all about.
I am pleased to see that a group such as this has started in the area and is being recognized by the mental health counseling services office that I have been going to. I am not sure what the cost is, but I am told that I would only have to pay the co-pay of my insurance company.
…..a side note to that for Joann is the question if in the future, SOS costs could be offset with insurance?……
but I digress…..
I am feeling anxious about the group for various reasons.
* having to meet new people in my PTSD state of mind is scary
* worried about having to “tell” my story again..
* worried about being triggered by hearing others stories,….. I know I hear stories on SOS, but there is safety in reading the words and not seeing the pain on the sisters face… Do you know what I mean???
* worried about being in a different place than where the woman in the group might be. By this I mean in terms of where I am on this journey compared to where they are. If someone is new on the journey they are in more of an information collecting stage….
*worried that the woman that are in the group will still be with their husband and working on their marriage while I am in the process of divorce. Wondering what the focus of the group will be in terms of this?I am trying to keep a positive attitude even though it sounds like I am full of “worry”. I don’t know what I will experience in the group or if it will help me, but I am hopeful that the group will help someone there. Perhaps I can bring some of my knowledge to the group and can be helpful to the woman there and the people running the group. It must be a good thing in terms of the awareness level for spouses of SA. What do you think about it? I will keep you posted with what it is all about.
Hugs, Cindy
Hi Cindy,
I was with a man in the past who had a pretty heavy porn addiction (I know bad track record) and I attended a similar group during the transition period and ending that relationship. I don’t know how this group will/would be for you but I can say it was an amazing experience for me and I felt greatly appreciative for those relationships.Cindy,
I think it’s great you are going to the group and so great you just have to pay the co pay too. Please keep us posted. I think I would check it out too and you will be a vital part of the group, for sure, more than for sure : )
Love ya, NapI vote for in person support as well. Every woman who shows up is having the same concerns and will reap the same healing benefits from face time support. I think you are doing a wise thing!
Cindy,
Those are normal concerns. It’s easier in an anonymous site like this because you can take small steps to build trust without anyone knowing who you are. Just go and “try” it at first. Don’t feel like you need to commit. Maybe that will help you feel less exposed. And don’t speak if you aren’t ready. It’s okay to tell them you don’t feel ready to talk.
I tried a group that turned out to be all women who were staying with their SA’s. I felt totally out of place there and didn’t last more than couple of meetings. It’s okay if it doesn’t work out. It doesn’t mean you failed or anything.
I hope its a good group and that you feel supported and validated there. Let us know how it goes.
I understand your hesitations, Cindy. But I also think it’s worth a try. Even if its not for you, you will have made that decision yourself and it’s important everytime we do the right thing for ourselves. So, I think trying it is one of the decisions and knowing whether to stay or go is also one of those.
You can do it. You can do what’s right for yourself.There is no harm in trying. Just remember, they won`t handcuff you to a chair when you walk in, they won`t make you speak, they won`t criticize your shoes!! Seriously, why not go? It could turn out to be great and if not hen don`t go back and chalk it up experience. I think you will be fine especially since the therapist that you like recommended it.Keep us posted..
Yes, please, Cindy do let us know how it goes. You’re such a shining light here on SOS, and I’m sure you take that beautiful light with you every where you go.
I tried a few groups like that but they were far away….but they were great. It’s nice to meet people in the flesh that understand – and to hear their journeys. I hope you enjoy it.
I liked them better than the 12 step groups ones…just because I hate that partners of SA’s don’t have many group options besides COSA or S-Anon which assumes that co-dependency is an issue (which isn’t the case for all partners).
Deb
I say go for it Cindy. You never know….there might be a real friend for you in that group? A friend who would actually understand…. karen xx
I agree with Karen. Look at what we’ve found here. And even though words are easier to digest than real faces and pain, it makes me think of the retreat some of us had a year ago. Being in the same room with these women was the most amazing thing ever…I can never be grateful enough for that experience. I say, take a chance…it could be the best thing you ever did.
much love,
Julie xoxo
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.