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I hear you all about not feeling comfortable in your own homes. Too many memories. Too many hopes and dreams. A home should be a sanctuary- a place where you are safe and supported. We let the wolf in and he defiled it.
March, thanks for sharing your poem. It’s beautiful and heartbreaking.
Exactly Teri!! I always believed my home was a sanctuary. I kept it nice and clean, always had food, was very organized…My kids` friends were always welcome. A “guest” could drop in any time and I never panicked over a mess or no coffee. I always had enough dinner for extras or to send to my neighbors with young children. ….
Now, I can`t find a pair of socks 🙂
I have a hole the size of Kansas in my kitchen ceiling. Two rooms are plywood floor because the carpet was removed and he hasn’t gotten around to doing the hardwoods. All of the toilets are broken–have to be jiggled or the lid lifted and the chains pulled. The carpet in our sunroom is DISGUSTING. The basement has had a slow leak (from SOMEWHERE) and smells like mildew. THIS is how he’s leaving us.
Ah, March, sometimes shit just happens TO us. A VERY wise Sister once wrote about forgiving herself for having faith. And March, those words YOU wrote really caused a profound shift in my thinking. Never again will I place the blame anywhere but where it belongs….squarely at his feet.
I think we should start an SOS “Extreme Makeover” on the road show – with March’s house in Atlanta the first stop. Anyone know how to lay (ooooppps, I mean “install”) carpet? Then we’ll drive 6 hours over to Memphis and move Bev.
I’m grateful to be out of our last house in CA (too many bad memories). I can’t even imagine how some of you stay in the home where your SAH porked hookers. Now, that would definitely push me over the edge.
Pam – big hugs to you. Happy memories and lost dreams are tough to handle.
Deb
Pam, I am so sorry for the grief you are feeling. It must be the most disorienting thing. I can really relate to that.. in a smaller way, and sort of in reverse.. because I’ve cleared off his desk that he’s had since we were first together and put everything in a box, and I took down a painting he’s also had since the beginning. There wasn’t any joy or vindication in doing it..just sorrow and confusion and wondering where my sense of familiar home went.
March, your gift never fails to blow me away. What a magnificent poem. xoxo
I have to say, today is a much brighter day. 🙂 And i have much to be grateful for. Y’all reminded me about our homes and memories. And how grateful I was for a fresh start when I got out. A place that reflects me. not him. A place where i won’t have my keys taken, be berated, or told i wasn’t leaving a closet, until the police came. Yeah, let’s not forget that.
after attending my support meeting (battered women’s group) one thing I was reminded of, the common thread of abuse. And guess what else? THESE GUYS DON’T CHANGE.
I am out, and with good reason. And I am staying out. He could build the F*cking Taj Mahal. and it wouldn’t matter. I will be happy and content in my little place. With 2 pools a hot tub, gym, kids game room and business center with computers and lounge that I can have social events at. and most important 24.7 security patrol. I am adjacent to the marina, and beaches. Getting into this place, was like applying for a mortgage. i needed cosigners and everything. not easy. but I pulled it off. Lest I forget, how far we’ve come.
He can improve the property all he wants. It will give me a higher payout in the end. I may have been coereced, and down a bit, but far from stupid. no matter how i look at it, i win. and that’s a fabulous place to be.
thanks you for talking me through my “moment.” I needed that. hugs and love.
hugs back to you pam. i’ve said it before, your strength inspires me and give me hope. i feel so afraid lately. of i don’t know what. but i’m pushing through, and your words help me very much!
well, your strength and guidance help me through also. I feel very supported. And support, is strength. we are going to have those down moments. over something ridiculous that might trigger it. for me the home depot, is a big no no. but holidays, are fine. it will be different for everyone. but i am ever grateful that we can post on our vulnerable and down moments. it actually prevents me from going back down the rabbit hole, or considering going back. i hope if nothing else, i can be a voice, that life on the otherside, can often times not only be better, but even, joyful. but it has it’s down and hurting moments. i am encouraged that, i bounced back quickly, to where I should be. this shows healing. real healing, that i know is underway. and sos and the battered women’s support group, are key elements of that process. there is no price safety. none.
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