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All,
Since learning about SA and splitting I have been in the midst of studying for my financial advisor exam. Have been given one day a week to study from home and also study time while at work, if desired. Started studying about a month ago.
I have had much difficulty concentrating and trying to absorb the material. Most days I want to be alone to sleep and sometimes cry. Ex SA is often first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of when going to sleep at night. That said, I realize that I have been on the verge, on the edge. I totally spaced my therapist appt on Monday evening so I could go home and go to sleep, not be with friends or anything. And haven’t been on my bike. Anyway, to get to the point, I realize I just need some mental health time and some time off work. I have more than enough vacation. Went to my boss and told her everything that I’m going through and am still having great difficulty–she was aware of the situation when I told her a few months ago about SA in case she noticed I was very upset at work. Asked her if I could postpone taking the exam, that I am still committed to it, but just need some mental health time because it feels at times like I am barely functioning outside of work and am frozen half the time. I started crying and she hugged me and said take the time and that she knows how responsible I am. After our conversation I immediately booked a flight to Europe and will go to see my family for two weeks. My parents are European and have a house on the Adriatic Sea (Croatia) and live there in the summers. Total I will be taking three weeks off. My parents know about everything with SA as well. With grad school loans taking this trip is a challenge, but I feel like I just have to run away from all this….
Part of me worries that the partners where I work will lose faith in me and that me postponing this new opportunity they have blessed me with will lessen my value in their eyes and fully jeopardize this opportunity. Am a normally energetic, jump in there and get it done type person when it comes to work and projects. But right now I’m so broken that I can’t salvage enough of me, nor muster the energy to begin. I have to postpone it, even if I lose the opportunity. I just need to go be with my family.
Anyway, thanks for listening. Just wanted to share what an understanding boss I have and am lucky and on days like this I realize why I continue to work here.
I lift off Aug 22nd and have a friend house-sitting for me.
Hugs, AM
You are doing the exact right thing AM!! I am so proud of you. When we are so broken, we need to heal. I send you wonderful thoughts and all good energy. Go and heal. You earned it.
Love you…bevyou have your priority in the right places. we all need to value mental health. and us partners more than anyone. you coworkers will respect that. kudos for taking care of yourself!
XOXO thanks, ladies.
Sometimes we need to run away from home to go fix ourselves. I’m counting the days to lift off!
Hugs, AM
AnnMarie – you are taking care of yourself. I love your boss! They know that this is not the “usual you” so don’t worry about it. My company has been amazing, too. The VP’s father was an SA – which devastated her mother, so she completely understands.
I hope that you have an amazing time in Croatia. I hear that it’s a beautiful country. And I hope that other more positive things replace your “first thing in the am and first thing in the pm” soon.
Big Hugs,
Deb
I think you did the right thing. We can only do what we can do and it is actually a sign of good mental health to recognize when you need a break. Enjoy your trip and your family and don’t worry. It will all work out. Karen xx
Way to go! This is about self-care and having a long term view of your own life. If you have to delay a few things, that’s completely understandable considering the pressure you’ve been living with. PTSD is huge.
The first summer after I found out I went to a quilt festival in Long Beach CA. I didn’t have extra money. I just did it because I needed to get away, and be around something lovely with happy people. You aren’t running away, you are running to the very thing you need right now. Congratulations for knowing what it is!You need to do what you need to do to get through this. Wanting some time off for your mental health is totally legitimate.
I understand your worries, but you can’t control what other people think about it. It sounds like you have been open and honest with your boss, and she has responded to that. That’s a really positive thing.
It’s hard when dealing with our SA’s derails our plans and hopes. They take so much from us. Focus on taking care of yourself and recharging so you reclaim your life and future.
AnnMarie – good for you! your health and self care has to come first. as women, we often feel guilty prioritizing ourselves or selfish for actually having needs. and in today’s world with so many financial pressures and pressures to perform it can feel careless and indulgent and sometimes irresponsible. but as goddesses, we should remind ourselves and each other that it is only when we are abundant within ourselves that we have anything to give to others. so, as your sister-goddess, i am reminding you that your first responsibility for this planet and for the people who care about you is to love yourself fully and take care of your whole needs, and that requires deep *listening* to hear and acknowledge your true needs… and it sounds like you are doing that right now means taking some time for annmarie to heal and to be compassionate with herself, so that annmarie can be truly present with herself and her commitments at a later time. i am so excited that you are taking this time for yourself in between your many challenges and responsbilities. thanks for being a shining example of self care!
also, AM, in response to this thread i was inspired to share one of my favorite quotes in a new thread. i hope you will check it out! have a wonderful and healing adventure!
All,
Thank you for the words of support. I feel so much better reading your responses. It’s almost as if I feel I don’t deserve giving myself permission to do what I need to do to take care of myself (stinking thinking).
Deb,thanks, Croatia is beautiful and I can’t wait to see family. Dad is Croatian and so is my stepmom. Amazing and warm people.
Diane, You gave me a very happy visual with the quilting festival in LB, CA, sounds lovely.
Karen, you’re right, I thinking recognizing something is wrong is the first start to healing…rather than just thinking I can get better limping along.
Teri, Boss is great, worked for her for 17 years (at four different organizations) and she is really a big supporter of women
Artemis, Your post has hit it on the head. “Deep listening” really makes sense. Thank you.
Hugs, AM
AnnMarie, I am in my 50’s. My husband of 36 years had been involved with sexual addiction for 2 years and 2 months before I confronted the situation. Why? Partly because during that entire time either one or the other of us was incredibly overwhelmed with something – job, major illness, etc. I wanted to confront the sexual acts when we both had time to deal with this situation. I have been almost 100% committed to this issue since I confronted it over a month ago. This takes so much time. You are absolutely right to take the time now to grieve, to think.
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