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What are your opinions of the appropriate age for dads to see daughters naked? Not pedophile but run of the mill sa?
There is no distinction in my opinion. Sa or whatever….
That age should be around 9-10. Period.
A pedophile should not see a naked child from birth.
D had a friend sleep over. He was walking up the stairs and pretended not to hear me say “don’t go in there They are changing.”. Luckily they were dressed. He didn’t knock just barged in.
The emergency you ask? CLEAN UR ROOM
Me thinks he wanted a free shot but I could be paranoid.
Do you want to barf because I could think a grown man wants to see a naked 15 year old or because you think he did too?
He wasnt even the least bit phased by my ranting. Oh I didnt hear you. Whatever, what is your excuse for not knocking? The lock on the door is broken because the two kids of mine broke it.
I want to barf at a grown man taking an opportunity to look at a child naked or half dressed.
And yes, if he had a warning then he did it intentionally, IMHO.
So sickening.
I’ll give my h that much credit. If he walked in and we were having a girl moment and he asked what we were talking about and my reply was Periods and he screeched out of the room slamming a door. This always made my kids laugh. It became our normal response when talking about boys.
Too bad his soft spot for decency was with my girls, and not me too.
I would guess 6. After that what would even be the reason to see the child naked? It’s not like they need help dressing or bathing or pottying, you know.
SOT, this is very disturbing.
Not a pedophile? So what? For God’s sake woman, if you can’t stand up to him for yourself, you must do it for your daughter.
From what you have said before this man walks all over your boundaries, or, you are too frightened of him to set any boundaries. But we are talking about your daughter here. Pedophile or not, no man should be walking into her closed room.
You, as a mother, have an obligation, yes, a legal obligation, to protect your children. If you don’t you could be charged with child abuse and have those children taken from you.
You must talk with your husband about this and set a very firm boundary for your daughter’s privacy. Even if he were not an abusive, SA asshole, that boundary would be appropriate.
You must be your children’s advocate. If your husband does not respect the boundaries you have set for your children then you must place their safety first and take steps to get him out of the house or leave.
No excuses! Children must be protected. ~ JoAnn
Not only your daughter, but your daughter’s friend. She could very well go home and tell her parents what happened, and she has every right to. Guess who is going to get the fallout for your H’s behavior? You are, too, SOT. Everyone is going to get hurt but him if this is allowed to continue.
I have always tried to stand up for her. I told him that was not right. He has always blown me off as the second class citizen and him the big smart Dr./XY chromosome carrier.
Thank God they were dressed.
NO!
No excuses. He either starts respecting your daughter’s privacy or you must remove her from danger.
There is no ‘trying’ in this one SOT. You must stand up for your daughter. If he becomes abusive toward you call the fucking police.
You must call upon your maternal instincts and protect your daughter. She may have been dressed this time but what about the next time? Or the times you won’t know about?
It is time for action. NOW! ~ JoAnn
I have a place I am moving to on Tuesday. It just breaks my heart that my son is choosing to pick hunting over his mamma.
It all just sucks every last bit of it.
Yes, I know how it all sucks. There is no choice in life that is 100% all good or all bad. All choices are compromises. In most cases we, as women, lose a lot if we choose to leave. We lose financially, we lose socially, we lose friendships and sometimes we lose family.
But we gain so much. We gain safety–both emotionally and physically. We gain peace. We gain our self esteem. We gain self respect. We gain the respect of others because we did the right thing even though it was terribly difficult. And, we teach our children to have respect for themselves and to not accept bad behavior from others.
Good luck with the move SOT, and keep us updated. ~ JoAnn
SOT – your moving is the best news I have heard all day. Give your son some time, he may come around. Especially if there is peace and happiness at your new house.
Would anyone mind helping me write a dear A letter? I don’t want it to sound permanent and I want to be clear that I am not asking for anything right now. I need to tell him that attys can work out visitation for my D and son (for me). I am thinking the temporary will make him less angry. Angry just the same but maybe not SUICIDAL or violent.
If I could make it about me, like I am just going thru the Change or something. When I am better I will remind him of everything.
Like you are going through the Change??? Come on SOT. Tell him the truth. It is lies that got you to this place – his lies. Tell him you have to choose you. That staying with him and living with his constant abuse is causing you to die a slow and desperate death. That you can’t think about the future right now, only finding some peace and getting good therapy to begin to heal the wounds that he has caused.
JoAnn wrote a very powerful post and you barely responded. I am really worried for you. You seem numb and perhaps you do not see what we see. I am praying for you SOT. That you will find a scrap of strength and courage to put you and your children above his constant abuse. I agree with everything JoAnn wrote. Re-read her posts. They are very important.No Trish it actually isn’t a lie. I am peri-menopausal. He is hitting me over the head with it like that is why I am standing up to him louder now.He told me to go get one hormones and he would pay for the mastectomies.
I loved JoAnn’s post. I am sorry. I dont know what to say to that. It is very succinct and point on. I am somewhat numb tho because I hear the bad I have been trained to know the bad, but the good someone says that is kind of like seeing someone else in the mirror that can’t be true.
I also love what you wrote Trish.
Your Change has nothing at all to do with what that man is doing. And, your responses to his abuse of you and the children should be the same whether you are going through the change, have PMS or any other distraction he wants to claim.
Wrong is wrong no matter what is going on with you.
You are demanding correct, moral, ethical, legal and just plain human decent behavior. You don’t have to make excuses for that.
He’s just being his typical asshole self by trying to deflect.
You will only give him fuel for his abusive behaviors toward you and your children if you do not spell out the truth.
The truth will take his power away. ~ JoAnn
You are right JoAnn and Trish. I was just hoping if I agreed I am crazy he will not call me every name in the book. Might as well be completely honest, I’m gonna get it anyways.
Trish I am sorry if that post sounded defensive.
If you agree that you are crazy you are setting yourself up for more trouble than you can ever imagine. ~ JoAnn
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