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ok, I had to have some humor here because its just so GD SAD!!!
H knocked on bedroom door. Asked if he could come in and talk to me. ” you know Pam. my therapist says I should be as honest as possible. You know Pam, it’s not too late for us to have another baby. “
Remember Sybil? I mean who’s talking now. Freddie, Laura Mike — I mean WHO ARE YOU NOW? We just, and I mean just, hammered out a separation agreement. discussed at length.
After my head stopped spinning around like a scene from the Excorcist and my projectile vomit stopped hurling on the wall, I said
No. I am not having another baby. I am not discussing this. You really don’t get it.
Well he carried on and on and did some ugly mean stuff. grabbed my laptop, berating on and on… the usual shit. and none of it worked. I held my position.
today he called. said that he got the memo. that I was moving on. “he still cares about me and really regrets us not having another child.”
OH that card is just hitting you NOW? WTF. You know I have already mourned many losses here. Already. And he’s just figuring it out now. Still so much denial, still such a snake.
too bad though. we have a wonderful daughter. another child would have been nice. if he weren’t an abusive pyschotic BPD, compulsive sex addict who likes to do it with trannies. And did so from year 1 of our marriage and kept up a facade for 9 of the 10 years. maybe I’d go there.
but even with all that said — I can forgive what he has done. And if real change and healing could happen in the marriage, I would stay. I would give it all a chance. But he has failed every step of the way. and then some.
Further proof of how sick and fucked up he is. He refuses to create a safe home for the child he already has, and her mother, but he would consider bringing yet another innocent into the madness.
so agreed March. No more madness for the children. no more.
BTW – He thinks he is an amazing father. Best ever. Why wouldn’t I want another kid with him? for real
The best fathers are the ones that make the childrens’ mother happy. Google it or ask any child psychologist.
Ok. I have to share on a related topic. I’ve not been asked to have more children but I have had a head twisting, mind numbing “children” related experience today. I was talking with one of my husbands ex-business partners (and there are alot of ex’s in addition to me in my soon to be ex husbands life). Anyway, in coming clean about yet another financial mess that my husband caused- his former “friend” shared with me the lead ‘company rumor’ – that the reason my husbands’ office manager has been at his company for 10+ years is that, despite no qualifications for her job, she has a daughter who’s eyes ” exactly match my husbands”. WTF????? Are you kidding?? Could this bad lifetime movie get any more sick plot twists? I had no idea that my husband (on top of all his other SH@#$%T) might actually have pulled “an Arnold”!? Wow. So now I’m sipping a little Bailies Irish Creme and trying to remember when the shithead H had his vasectomy and looking at the old company picnic photos in a whole new way. It adds a whole new dimension to the question, “who’s your daddy?”.
omg Julie…..bless your heart!!! WTF is all I thought reading that…..that’s the beauty of addiction I’m learning as I go, especially reading yalls stories. There is no line they don’t cross, no scenario that is off limits, no cap on the escalations, no limit to the pain and hurt we are caused. I want a glass of wine now!!
You know before all this mess started almost two years ago, I really wanted to have another child with my H, well I love children, and I am very good at what I do, being a mom, but my h had went behind my back and had a vasectomy, when he told me that, I was furious as to how can he do something like this behind my back, he got mad with me at the time ( listen to the manipulative spinning ways that he uses: hon I did it for you, I did not want you to take birth control pills as I know how harmful those things for your health, but here you are getting angry again at me you never appreciate anything I do)
Well now in the hindsight I understand why he did it, he did not want to have another child with those whores ( and he actually admitted to that in the counseling session we had, mind you he insisted that he would always use condoms) but you know I now appreciate that he did it, at least he has some common sense to decide that he did not want to bring more children into his messy world.
I was only away from this site for 18 hours and I”m so behind it’s ridiculous.
Pam, all I could think of was imagining your SA singing Paul Anka’s “She’s having my baby”. I mean really, how far off of this map is he? This is the delusional part of addiction. He probably will describe this as a heart to heart where he put everything on the line for you, and you tossed it back in his face.
Julie, I just can’t stand it. Are you still one piece? What are you going to do? Is there anything you can do? I totally get the Bailey’s—especially on St. Patrick’s day. I just don’t know how we women get through this stuff, but we do. And still the idiot therapists and counsellors wants us to take responsibility for contributing to the the marriage breakdown. I sincerely hope you have some good support. At least you have it here, if not at home.
hugs to all,
D.(Warning: this is graphic and rated R for crude adults only): I say let’s chop their dicks off, wrap them in a blanket, hand it to them and say “Here’s your baby”!
(Warning: this is graphic and rated R for crude adults only): I say let’s chop their dicks off, wrap them in a blanket, hand it to them and say “Here’s your baby”!
A baby?? OMG…thats JUST what you need, Pam, another child with this lunatic? God..u think you have some idea how crazy they are and then you find out you were only scratching the surface! Nap..I so agree. That seems to be the only thing in life that they are truly committed to. I remember this lady’s post on MTASA and she sad pretty much that.She hoped one day her H would just be totally alone, an empty shell of a human being, sitting there with his penis in his hand. Karen xx
Pam – it’s obvious that he is using every emotional manipulation trick in the book since he is about to lose his punching bag and normal life facade. Seriously – this can be a very dangerous time for you as he is losing control. He will likely become the biggest dickhead you can imagine (might take an axe to chop it off his head per NAPs suggestion).
So – be careful. When are you physically leaving again?
Deb
Pam,
I agree with Deb. With your h history of abuse plus his doped ( drugs ) out brain, you need to be extra careful. If he’s super controling (which it sounds like) leaving is the most dangerous time for a woman. Please be careful and if so don’t let him know where you are. These people can turn on a dime and I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Thinking of you!
Love, NapDear NAP and all,
Agreed to all of the above. He still thinks he has a shot at reconciling. While I am enforcing the decision–it is not easy.
Move out date is being worked on. He is playing game so far.
Also, I wanted to add. This wknd was a rough one for me. Daughter went to 1st sleepover birthday party. H had funeral to go to/ spent night at a friend’s house. which was fine by me.
What wasn’t fine. Was being alone. Really really alone. No daughter. No husband. Just me. No social network that I could take advantage of on a night off. H will have his highschool crony’s to hang with if he chooses. I have no family/or history out here except for marriage. marriage from hell anyway.
I have more of a challenge here than him. it will take more effort. anyway, I got a dose of the downside — in my future. that terrible, lonely feeling. made me way anxious. And as much as H is an addict/abuser, the one thing I could rely him for was his end of the finances. that if I lost my job, we had the business. now, if I lose my job, OMG. I will be so screwed. It makes me fearful. worried. and I feel I have lost my sense of family.
yet, I see no way to return to what I value. because my values have no place, nor are they respected in my relationship. at all.
he is all whiny and remorseful. wont last. ugh. i am so jaded. its terrible.
thanks for letting me vent. I will be ok- my decision to split is the same – dont worry, all is proceeding. I just had a hard time. Felt a new sense of what being alone is and will be like. 🙂
Pam, you’re not divorced yet, so you’re not free to find a cure for your loneliness. I have been lonelier in both of my marriages than I have at any other times of my life. In fact, the ONLY times I’ve ever been lonely have been while married. That will change for you. You’re beautiful inside and out, and you’re smart and funny and fair and resourceful… You are many things that are unappreciated by, and wasted on, HIM. You deserve better, and better will come. Believe it; move forward, one step at a time.
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