And I thought it was so important…

Happy Post Thanksgiving Ladies:

I wanted to share an aha moment if I may. My mother in law spent the wknd with us. As many of you know, I disclosed her son’s addiction to her, about one year ago. It was ultimately denied. It has been a very rock year of disclosure, juggling addictions with substance abuse, crazed rages and abusive behavior, followed by periods of sobriety and what seemed like progress. I can honestly say he is not the out of control basket case he was year ago, but the presence of going back there — i feel he always teeters and straddles recovery efforts if any, always dabbling in something…anyway.

My anger hurt and even moments of hatred has grown toward MIL over last year. Denial of problem, denial of my pain, etc, her being the one who raised such a f’d up man in the first place.

I know this is long… bear with me here. So I take MIL to breakfast after daughter’s ballet class. Where she complains:
1. her husband took 1st wife on date to Nutcracker with MIL kids without her knowing or attending with them. she was outraged
2. bought first wife property while married – MIL found out after husband’s death.
3. slept with 1st wife during marriage to her, possibley fathered another child.

She was complaining how victimized she was. I just came out and said ” i really don’t want to hear it. your son has done that and then some–and then I used her famous line– I said well MIL, your H was a man. that’s just what they do. right?

she says: well Darryl (my h) is his father’s son. Oh yes he is.

Then I told her. Look, “I have been left for dead on beverly drive — without anyone to care or believe the horrors that were going on. My family 3000 miles away, and I could not even count on you to assist with a son who is lucky not to be in jail or dead or ridden with HIV. Why no thank you Pam, from you? I deserve major KUDOS for staying this far, to protect your grandchild whom I do not trust in his care alone for long periods of time, it is has been so painful it has almost killed me. And never an admission of wrong doing of your son from you to me– it would have helped. I am angry and hurt and my life matters. I am someone’s daughter, the mother of your grandchild and I have been shut away with addict and out of control destructive behavior without some much as — how can I help? what is going on with D? you didn’t believe a word I said.

she was silent. started talking about the weather. I said– id you just hear me– I expect a response.

she said how sorry she was (yeah right) for what her son had put me through. she said she wasn’t stupid and that she knew he had been doing a lot of bad in the marriage and told him many times to stop.

Well that’s really it. It felt good to share those emotions with her. But like the story line says– I thought it was so important that she understood my suffering— guess what? I am sure she still doesn’t. And I don’t care. It is not important. What is important? the life I want, for me and my daughter. I could care less what that enabling, sociopath MIL thinks as well. I has them both under my roof this wknd. they are so much alike.

IN addiction Thansgiving pretty much ruined by argument btw my H and his nephew. Just their family BS coming to head. My H is so immature he argued with his 21 yr old nephew– and then asked him to leave. holiday done.

enabling retard MIL sad with fat ass on couch all depressed. H filled prescription for valium to soothe his “holiday anxiety” and then has proceeded to slepp 16 hours a day. got up for movie and dinner yesterday. Both MIL and H, sleep all day depressed over holiday wknd. He is 43 yrs old, wtf? I mean really MIL? notice anything about your son? dinner last night, he drank 3 cocktails in addition to his valium. he “was on holday.”

tells me not “to worry” it is better than acting out. he is having a sabbatical before busy holiday season with business.

MIL says nothing– oh Darryls must tired, he works soooo hard.” He watched Jacqleen.

My H on occasion works really hard. has own business. has assistant 3 days per week. watched daughter 230 to 7pm m – f. where is this working to death thing? it is not that busy. it is all disgusting. all of it. fat gross narcissstic no admissions of wrongs, and no admission of how rude it is to argue in my house and ruin my Thanksgiving. I let H know just how wrong that was. he actually agreed, doesn’t want jacqleen thinking that’s what holidays are about. well then put your actions where your mouth is. i want to see it. parenting is modeling. not telling. enough said. I am just grossed out with this group of folk. grossed out.