- This topic has 15 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 11 years ago by
.
-
Posts
-
…not seeing it coming…
So this friend/colleague sent me a text late at night asking what the heck was going on with two blogs I’d written…
I looked at two blogs and couldn’t see anything wrong. I then check my email for more detail and there’s a whole load of stuff that I “hadn’t done” copied into the directors I report to.Transpires she didn’t mean the blogs but some tweets where I didn’t give her credit for something – really? I tweeted on behalf of our organisation which she was part of and I hadn’t taken any credit for my part .i honestly didn’t see any of it coming and I couldn’t get my head round it.
She is in denial about her behaviour and I’m quite stunned.
I went into a total codependent spin and am reeling at what’s happened. Will I always freak out when things I think are one way are “not”.?I dunno the answer to that, Jos. But regarding the not giving her credit? WTF? Sounds like HER personal problem.
I think that’s it too – projection but holy crap! I can’t freak out and quit my job like this! Fortunately someone else I trust refused to accept my resignation!
But my paranoia, anxiety, stress, etc is all back… I look like I’ve not slept for a month!
Jos,
Someone messing with my reality throws me for a loop, too. It took me too long to get here, and I start spinning when someone starts messing it up.And what’s with the late night texts? That doesn’t sound very professional?
What did the directors say?
Just hold on to what you know is true, Jos. You know who you are, what you did, and why you did it. Just remind yourself of that. It will be easier to step back and deal with whatever is eating her.
Good boundaries are hard when PTSD gets triggered, but you don’t have to take on her crap or her point of view. Easier said than done, I know. I have a hard time with getting irritable sometimes when someone starts blameshifting me. My fight-or-flight goes right to fight. Pass the Xanax, please!
Where is Diane? 🙂
Jos, this woman sounds like a problem child. Does she already have a reputation for being difficult in the organization? xoxo
I’m here.
I thought a tweet was pretty short—not something for footnotes!But I understand the real issue, which is how unable to cope we can feel when faced with certain accusations or even just misunderstandings. I know I feel really shaken. We just don’t have the emotional resiliency we once had.
I’m working a lot right now on my general narrative—the broad story I use to interpret my life. When I get triggered, another narrative takes over (the trauma story) and I feel like I’m in free fall—in a story I can’t control and that shouldn’t be mine.
If you can identify the narrative–the story line that is taking over in these moments, you can challenge that story with the better story—especially as a person of faith with a distinct story line that is not about a reign of terror but a reign of life always having the last word on everything.
I hope that wasn’t too much.
Jos,
I know when my PTSD gets triggered I struggle with difficult situations too. Im happy you still have your job. IDK it seems in every job setting there’s a Debbie Downer and maybe she’s her. Politics in any setting are difficult and are particularly difficult when we are triggered. It’s a horrible feeling. Hope today is much better.I don’t think I have ever experienced full blown PTSD Jos so I am not sure I can be very helpful on that front. I just know that betrayal by anyone- a friend, a lover or a family member, is extremely painful and upsetting. I agree with Nap, the world of work is FULL of difficult people. Your colleague sounds difficult and like this may actually be HER problem. Don’t let her make it yours? I’m relieved to hear you still have your job. Money is independence. Don’t let anyone take that from you. Hugs Karen
Just goes to show you that we are all learning life lessons. Going through this hopefully will make you stronger in every area of your life. That includes not allowing anybody to take advantage of you…..
I met her this afternoon with my pastor who is also a trustee and he put it quite nicely that my fear of abandonment and criticism and not being good enough and my PTSD hit head on with her feelings of not feeling valued and “rich”.
She’s not owning her stuff and actually it’s not mine to take on.
She lost her job last year where she was treated quite badly and has a lot of stuff about being valued to work through.
It was a codependent spin. That’s why it feels familiar. But she’s not getting her part in it.
So. Deep breath.
Separate out my stuff from her.
I’ve apologised and will try to behave differently in future. I cannot do more than pray for this battleground to ease. that is it from my perspective.
Diane – yes it helped.
Thank you all xxx
The panic is starting to subside.
Need to breathe xyes, breathe!
It’s a hard truth to discover that our nutball SA isn’t the only nutball who can upset us. That’s one of the reasons I don’t do ordinary congregational ministry anymore—there’s just too many high functioning PD’s around, and they make horrid parishioners.Sometimes think I am one of them!
Probably am.
Would like to vanish off the planet again right now. Have discovered that I believe that if I upset people or hurt them that i must remove myself completely and stay away – go away/resign/not be there at all. Wonder where that comes from? What event started that? Something else to discuss in therapy! I know I have this flight reaction to all fights and arguments too. Hmmmm.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.