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To her credit… yea… the guys kinda are coming to the hookers to get a need fullfilled that their wives don’t satisfy. The “need” to have sex with a whore. Let’s face it ladies… we don’t fit that bill.
JoAnn,
I want to know what perfume YOU wear because Anderson Cooper want you BAD. He just keeps coming up with reasons to get you on the show. You’re quite the hot commodity .I think you’re right JoAnn. Hope you’re able to be at peace. Hey Kim, if George Clooney calls me, I’ll be his whore and I won’t be nasty or anything like that. Well just get to know each other, through body language. I’m so bad, I need to be spanked!
I agree with all the comments. Its kind of depressing that the producers thought they could lump the two together.
Yes, and it only points out the gross misunderstanding that our society has not only about sex and intimacy, but about Sex Addiction and the trauma it causes.
Sometimes I feel as if we are just tiny little voices of reason and reality unheard in the cacophony of societal chaotic noise.
Bravo JoAnn, I realize that giving up your relationship with Anderson has been difficult. But you’ll always have the satisfaction of having turned him down.
Seriously though, when these things happen that are not really what we want, I’m always convinced we are getting very very close to what we really seek. Like when I was writing for contract and a publisher asked me to come to Minnesota in January for three days and he’d pay me 300 dollars to write something about art and faith. I said no. A week later he asked me to come to San Francisco for 9 days in January and he’d pay me $$4000.
This is the same issue as we have with our SA marriages. We need to value ourselves, what we know, and not settle for the wrong fit or a lousy benefit.
We are positioning ourselves, dear sisters. We know more than they do about what our issue is all about.
Okay, when I wrote that I had been up most of the night and my brain was on another planet.
CACOPHONY. : harsh or discordant sounds
JoAnn, I would not put too much weight into what Jessica said. We got three versions of how our taping would go, and they deviated from even those outlines in front of the studio audience while the cameras were rolling. They told us we would be part of town hall meeting with other couples involved. We are alone, and then two psychiatrists showed up and debated current theory over our story.
Anderson was even adlibbing from the teleprompters when I was up there while we were taping. I could see his lines, he wasn’t saying them and the camera crew were just shaking their heads. In a way I’m glad he did. He had more empathy than anyone there. I saw him gulp after he asked me how I felt, his eyes teared up a little and he took a breath and asked some more applicable questions, in my mind. I hope they’re not edited out. Like, when my H said all he wanted now was a monogamous relationship with me, Anderson asked “that may be what you WANT, but are you CAPABLE of it? Do you think your wife believes you are, now? Not on the board, awesome question.
I think your being on the stage with a prostitute just gives her more credibility. You won the respect given you as an expert through some hard knocks and hard work. I wouldn’t share that with a whore.
And don’t feel too sorry for them. I don’t. Thanks to the “disclosure” my H gave me I have a new insight into their lives. He asked them why they hooked, apparently. They willingly see married men all the time. They try to find out which clients are the best and take them from one another. They break up lives to get their money and sabatouge one another to get the top johns and avoid the diseased or abusive ones. The ones my H saw had jobs, careers, even, some were nurses, some insurance agents, etc. They CHOSE to work those jobs part time and hook part time, some because the johns took them out to places nicer than they could afford before having sex or gave them jewlery and things they couldn’t buy for themselves, some for the excitement of having these double lives and feeling more desired than a paltry wife, some because they could afford better lifestyles that way. They weren’t indigent. They had not been shunned by society in any way. Some had children in college and were paying the tuition on their backs. That’s a choice!
No matter what happened to them and their emotional scars, they’re vultures taking advantage of these guys. I don’t feel sorry for the guys, either. It’s their easy out, pay, get screwed like I’m a god no matter what a dweeb I am in real life. Be an asshole and get treated like a gent. Easy.
Why are there whores? Because there’s a market. Period.
If they stopped, maybe those SAs would go back and actually put a little time and effort into having a relationship with their wives. As a wife, I was ‘putting out’ every day or every other day in any way H suggested and some I did, and H still sought out whores. The “put out or I’ll be forced to use the other option” rationale is a lie. My H didn’t wait three days from when his previous wife even suggested a separation to go to a whore. He didn’t look for girlfriends or anything else. That was a choice, and it says a world about how he feels about himself, and women. I have no proof that he did anything but look at and email and text whores after we married. I’m trying to get it. The whole thing is set up so that it’s near impossible to get proof.
Don’t give them the time of day. My 2 cents.
My decision not to go on the show was made in the wee hours of the night with a lot of inspiration from all of you. Thank you all so much for your input. I was confused and overly anxious to get our message out, and each of you gave me clarity.
Here is a copy of the e-mail that I sent to Jessica:
I had a fretful night thinking about the show and it’s message and what my message is and I’m afraid that they just will never come together.
I read and reread the article by this woman, and I just can’t see any way that an intelligent conversation about the trauma that partners of Sex Addicts endure could fit in with her rhetorical position.
The more I envisioned any type of conversation the more I realized that talking with her would be exactly like talking with a Sex Addict when they are active and in denial. They have no grasp of reality and will defend themselves to Kingdom Come.
This woman is in the same sort of denial. To say that she loves her work and experiences such wonderful sensuality and intimacy with these anonymous transient encounters says that she has no concept of what true intimacy or sensuality really is and the entire show would be a debate of trying to reason with a closed and unreasonable mind.
This, I know, would frustrate me and trigger old feelings of anger that I used to feel when trying to reason with Larry. I’m afraid it would take me to a place that I have no intention of ever going again.
And, as I said, there is no place in that conversation to discuss the trauma and betrayal felt by partners of Sex Addicts because, in reality, she has nothing to do with that. Sex Addicts are compulsively driven to seek anonymous, fantasy sex as a way to medicate their own emotional pain from their traumatic childhoods, it’s a way they try to feel loved when in reality they do not know how to love.
I have no doubt that most prostitutes fall into that same category. Prostitutes are just one of the activities that Sex Addicts use and it is only because they are anonymous and readily available, not because they are seeking intimacy or sensuality that they need but are not getting from their wives.
This woman obviously does not realize that the argument that hookers are happy, oversexed, good-hearted women who romp through life spreading the joy of sex is just old, tired and overdone. Happy, self aware and self satisfied women find their sexual and sensual pleasures in healthy, committed long term relationships where that intimacy can be fully enjoyed and expressed; not by degrading themselves and the acts by bringing it down to nothing more than a business encounter bought and paid for.
But, that is not my passion to debate with her. That, as I stated is an entire story in itself that I choose not to spend my time debating.
I must follow my instincts on this one and prevent any resurgence of those old traumatic feelings. It would definitely trigger my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and I would probably wind up back at the counselors office.
I hope you understand, and I hope that someday we can do a show that would help the public to understand the story of Sex Addiction and how harmful the effects of this disease are on the spouses, children and families of these disturbed individuals. ~ JoAnn
Well done JoAnn! ‘Discretion is the better part of valor’. Wait for YOUR fight to come to you! Love, Liza
Beautifully and professionally said. A master piece.
I’ve read somewhere that prostitution is how some addicts act out. But it didn’t even occur to me that she may very well be one. So trying to reason with her wouldn’t be “like” trying to reason with a sex addict, it WOULD be trying to reason with a sex addict.
This isn’t a woman living on the streets selling herself to survive. Nor is she a woman who is trapped in a seedy underground network of abuse. And to my knowledge she is not some meth addict who sells herself to earn the money to feed her true addiction.
I don’t have a PHD in psychology however I do have a brain. And it says there is a very good chance that this woman is a sex addict.
NAP – George Clooney should be your whore instead of the other way around! I want Drew Brees as my toy. My daughters asked me the other day, “If Drew Brees wasn’t married and asked you out, would you cheat on Daddy?” I said, “hell yes!!!”
Our posts overlapped, JoAnn.
It was a wonderful response that you wrote and I hope it makes them reconsider their approach. If Anderson sees it, he would have you on alone, I’m sure, to speak your piece. But all those screeners, I don’t have much faith in them.
Beautifully said, JoAnn. My first thought when reading your first post was, ‘Oh, God..our clueless tabloid media is at it again.’ Your response is awesome. xoxo
JoAnn,
Very well said and thought out. I’m personally happy you decided not to.Lynn, I agree with you perspective on prostitutes.
Kim, George, well, hes my dream guy. I know he’s not into long term relationships but at least he’s honest. I would just like to give him ‘a roll I’m bed with honey.’. Then maybe a phone call here and there, just very casual……..
Love, Nap
JoAnn, I’m sure you will have Anderson pining for you all through the sweeps.
But I think you chose well for yourself and for all of us. We do know what we are talking about, and we have an interesting and important perspective for the public to hear.
The time is coming…the future is on its way to us.
love, D.Great Response JoAnn. It would be so nice if someone would have a show and address our pain, suffering and
trauma. We get very little of that, except on S.O.S.
I now have a counselor who is actually on my side and deals with the real issues. All of them should have that mindset.
Love to you.Great response, JoAnn. I’m sure it feels a bit disappointing to not be able to take that chance to get the message out and take the chance that another great opportunity won’t come up. But it will. I think Diane is so right: “the time is coming…”
Thank you for staying the course.xoxo
JulieExactly!
My nose thinks that after Lynn debuts on daytime and makes the point in a personal and credible way, Anderson (who she described as someone emotionally and rationally involved in the story–and thank you for getting us there, Lynn) is going to want to know more. And that’s when JoAnn will get the second call, and possibly Barbara Steffens as well.So let’s just see what happens. Meanwhile I still can’t believe you did it, Lynn. That took courage and conviction. You is some kinda sista!
Wow what a discussion. I don’t know Anderson whoever he is being in England but I also know I wouldnt have done that
Show so like you am full of admiration for Lynn.
Have to say JoAnn the way you have articulated in this forum you need a phd to be awarded to you, and most of the audience wouldn’t understand a word you said!Thank you, JoAnn… I definitely think you made the right choice. Perhaps they will consider your educational email and put together another show sometime in the near future. If not, our time will come!
SL
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