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Last year I attended the wedding of my nephew and his new bride, now my niece. It was a wonderful family event. Sadly, that was when I discovered my husband was having an affair with a 25 year old girl.
Hi Zachette,
It does. I hope you are finding a way to heal and doing good things for you and your life. No one can take that away. I still have a hard time understanding how people can be so ruthless……Love, NapZachette,
I am so sorry you had to endure that horrible discovery…though I am glad you know. You deserve so much better. Did you say you were divorcing? And yes, anniversaries are horrible after discovery. Also, my husband and I went to many weeks of marriage classes a few years ago and renewed our vows. Though I was unaware at that time, he was at the height of his addiction. So the two times he said his vows to me were lies…to love and cherish…joke! I am so sorry for your husband’s immature, mean behavior! B.
b-trayed-I told Steve to never attempt to renew our vows until he can keep them. (We have talked about it.) He has pushed my buttons enough, and a second time of vows with betrayal might just push me over the edge-might have to elminiate him. Ha!
did you ever see that hideous movie “Brainstorm” (Natalie Wood’s last film) where the dude put on that wacky brain machine on his head which took over the person’s thought processes… and then it replayed sex scenes over and over and over… until the guy nearly died from sensory overload. That is… until he was pulled back from the brink at the very last moment…
by his wife, per chance? 😉
so I didn’t see the movie,
but about the anniversaries…here’s what I try to do…
A week before they hit, I create a plan for myself. Things to do. Places to Go. Phone calls to make. A Treat for myself. I invite someone to dinner. And it actually works. When the day comes, it just unfolds with these other things.But also, I’m sorry how they manage to wreck good memories for you. They just seem to wreck everything, don’t they?
I remember the anniversary of my first d-day…June 17, 2009. So June 17, 2010, I was in a really funky mood, but also happy, thinking my SA had stopped, was in therapy, etc. HAHAHAHAHA.
And speaking of anniversaries, our 20th wedding anniversary is September 28th. We had talked last year about having a celebration (maybe a cruise, which I’ve always dreamed of), renewing vows (all the while, unbeknownst to me, my SA was still in active addiction.) I have no idea how to treat this upcoming anniversary…UGH. My SA appears to be in active recovery now with weekly 12 step meetings and therapy every few weeks (I wish it were more frequent, but it’s his recovery.) As of Sept, he’ll be 6 months sober. So do we “celebrate” our anniversary as a hope for the future? How can I celebrate 20 years of “marriage”? I just don’t know how to feel about it. Mostly right now, I still feel heartbroken and I dread the thought of the day.ZG-I’m always a little surprised at how similar our stories are whenever I read your posts; it catches me off guard some nights 😉
As for anniversaries, I’m coming up on the anniversary of my first Dday. Naturally it was 100% BS (aren’t all initial disclosure days? I don’t recall ever hearing about anyone who heard the entire truth the first time around). So, I’ve been having a bit of a rough time mentally because a year ago I already knew something wasn’t quite right in my marriage because I had already found naked pics of him on the computer and was gathering info at this point and deciding what to do with it since it was so close to my oldest son’s birthday and I didn’t want to ruin it. So, I waited a few weeks until I confronted him. He fed me a lie I believed on 8/26/10 and then I had a gut instinct in December, so the day before our fifth anniversary was my hell week. I have that to deal with this December too.
I plan on doing what Diane suggested and making some ME time on that day instead of trying to ignore it like I did with my birthday this year. I’m going to acknowledge it for what it is but not focus on it. It happened but I can’t change it, I can mourn it and allow myself to cry over it for a bit and then move along with my day. Maybe I’ll go get a massage or get my toes done….maybe I’ll go to my favorite place in all the land – the beach 🙂
I wish you luck too ZG & Zachette
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