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AB wroter:
“He’s trying to leave town no doubt, but it’ll be interesting to see how well he’s able to maintain the saint act in public (and lead a pig’s life in private) without me to prop up the image.”Oh my, AB, that is my exact thought about my ex.
I don’t believe in sex as an addiction. I also do not believe that the majority of them are disordered ( as a clinical diagnoses). I believe they are assholes and when and if they get caught they either stop or don’t ( stop the sex shit not the asshole part).
I don’t believe in “slips” or “relapses” or “acting out”.
I do believe they are sicko perverts but that is not acknowledged by any psychiatric model that I know of. That is purely a BEV diagnosis 🙂
They don’t need us to prop up their image of “normal”. There is another chump born every minute. We are a dime a dozen in their heads. They would probably prefer not to have to go to the trouble.
They are liars and cheats. Liars and cheats are truly a dime a dozen and as common as rocks.
They really are not all that special and they certainly do not deserve all the publicity they get. Patrick Carnes is a perv too. He invented all this horseshit to protect himself. Guys buy into it because it sounds better than “Dude, you’re an asshole”.
Partners buy into it because they need hope and they are so traumatized that they cannot think straight.
I want to add that there is absolutely something “disordered” about anyone who can perpetrate that level of lying and deceit upon another human being.
Karen said we should be warned they are dangerous. I think once we see what they have done, we should know they are dangerous without anyone having to say a word.
JoAnn there has been some research done into the drd4 gene The gene is also known as the dopamine gene. My understanding of the research is that in some individuals this gene is longer than normal and these people (predominantly men) demonstrate more risk taking behaviour, promiscuity and infidelity. Of course not all people with this gene variant cheat. These would be the men who have a conscience and practice self control. I’m guessing also that these men didn’t have the dysfunctional family life that are common to most SAs. The presence of the gene variant, dysfunctional family, childhood trauma and poor role models appears to create the perfect storm.
I do believe that some of these men are simply liars and cheats, as Bev says,and they have been around FOREVER. They are men with a high sense of entitlement and a loose relationship with the truth. They don’t respect women and they don’t have any problem exploiting them. They are misogynists…of the highest order. Disgusting, but manageable
Others have a deeper pathology. They are either full blown abusers or sexually depraved or both. To desire sex with innocent children is as a dark a condition as any human being can have IMO. That cannot be explained away as simple cheating but perverted loser works.
I think they are ALL character disordered and it is only a
matter of degrees. Quite simply, these are not nice people. Not at all. And there are NO exceptions to that statement…not married to anyone on this site anyway.I read it dammit! 🙂
Great thinking JoAnn and a compelling article that asks all of us, including the scientific community, to be much more objective in approaching SA.
My background as a Maternal Child RN with a focus on early infancy and optimizing developmental outcomes in primarily “healthy” babies. Thinking about the prenatal, in utero environment (stresses of the mother, her mother, etc.) and the lifetime effects on brain development. Also thinking about the early childhood (0 to 5) social and nutritional experiences that promote attachment…..or don’t. Also thinking about Nature vs Nurture. And, thinking about brain plasticity or not.
In short we all know that our culture churns out poorly developed people in large numbers, the stresses on parents are immense and victims are routinely blamed for their plight.
I absolutely believe culture, nutrition and social structures create biology.
Did I say, “Don’t get me started”?
What came first the chicken or the egg? I am interested in that and likely causation and co morbitity.
Numerous experts, from a broad range of, fields need (IMO) to come to the table regarding these questions.
Must be feeling better – feel like I can think a little. Yeah.
Thanks JoAnn, for your thought provoking article that challenges the status quo and asks us to push the envelope in terms of needed research.
My past envelopes are all in the shredder 🙂
JoAnn,
Thanks for continuing to ask the hard questions. Let’s hope we will soon be getting some answers- or at least acknowledging our questions, right?You go girl!! ( Desiree)
Teri, you hit the nail on the head. It is not a matter of who is right or wrong. It is a matter of can we at least ask some intelligent questions and get an answer……
JoAnn, Thank God for you and the Sisterhood!
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” ~ Margaret Mead
I read it. If only men came with Material Safety Data Sheets, perhaps in time they will. Warning: becoming emotionally involved with this individual is likely to result in years of heartbreak, broken promises, and even ass cancer. Beware – extremely hazardous, volatile, and perverted.
I’m glad to have read this tonight. I think I’m ready to believe it. Next therapy session should be interesting.
I’m so glad to have found this sight, been here a few days, read a lot, kicked him out. Feeling relieved and hopeful. Thank you Joanne & everybody. I can breathe.
Yes. MSDS for Sex Addicts.
Store in locked closet with ‘hazard’ signs well posted.
Handle only with proper Personal Protective Equipment, which must include face mask, respirator, heavy duty gloves and a full body suit.
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