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Julie, I’m glad it went well – short (comparatively speaking) and not too painful. Why the questions about 1989 continuing ed? I would guess that your H had some agenda there but who knows what it would be. That can’t possibly be relevant to anything! Don’t worry about the “I don’t remembers.” That is an honest response to questions like where and when you did continuing ed in 1989! It would be more suspect if you had that information at your fingertips. 🙂 I find the questions you were asked very strange (what you’re reading?) so I have to believe that your H gave her a list of questions to ask and she went along. That is pretty common with control freak types. He probably thinks he’s super sleuth or something.
I’m glad it’s over and done. Take a deep breath and maybe throw some really dark fabric dye in the hot tub to celebrate. 😀
Daisy,
My lawyer’s thoughts on some of the questions: my husband retained a vocational expert. My attorney denied their request to have me drive an hour away and submit to an interview with the expert. He predicted that SA’s attorney would be asking some questions that might provide requested information to the expert. Sounds like that prediction was correct!
And boy, you are so right about control freak H. He mocks me, as I’ve said in a previous post, for “not controlling my lawyer more.” My lawyer is a smart guy; I’ll let him do his job, thank you very much. 😉
Ahhh….excellent hot tub idea!!!Good for you Julie!!! I am glad it is over. The waiting is the pits!! Sounds like you did fine. I am happy for you.:)
hugs
MoniqueHI ZG,
You sound like you did a really good job.
I’m not clear on whether you actually did tell her that your medication use started with discovering your husband penis activities.
I’m assuming you didn’t tell them you were reading anything about “multi-tasking with flat head shovels”.Diane,
Yes, to clarify, I did say my medication use started with his activities. What’s interesting is that the way she phrased the question, specifically asking about my the Paxil I began with 4 years ago, made it easy to answer succinctly.
I really wanted to tell her about the book I’m reading about divorcing a narcissist (for real), but the book advises against labeling a narcissist to his face, and risk inciting more rage. Would have made for a fun answer though!I think you should have told her ….would have loved to see her face with that. :0) I suppose the objective is to get rid of him, NOT to draw more of his attention toward you? You did fine Julie and are one step closer to never having to be in a room with him again.
Julie,
I’m glad you survived. You are the first person I have heard report back on deposition, and I know I will face one sometime in the near future, so I really appreciate that you would share all that.So I guess you learn about what the other side is thinking by the questions they ask at the deposition. That is good to know because that gives me some clues as to what mine might be like.
It’s hard to believe that people who have broken no law and done nothing wrong can be subjected to scrutiny like this for something like a divorce. It’s one thing if there is evidence of wrongdoing- like diverting money or cheating- but when there is no evidence, it feels intrusive. Like a violation. But I guess it is what it is. I’m sorry you had to go through that. But I’m proud of you for hanging in there and getting that much closer to freedom.
Thanks, Teri. It really felt very intrusive and unfair, but it’s the way it goes…he gets deposed with good reason, so I have to get cross deposed. And it’s possible we may have to go back and do more. Just trying not to think about that yet.
As far as the questions, they say when in the moment, don’t try to think about what the other attorney is looking for or asking. That being said, it’s hard to keep your mind from going there for a second, and especially as you replay it afterward! The hard part for me is just remembering not to replay and obsess. 🙂Good job, Julie. He must be totally flummoxed (borrowing one of Annie’s words) that his hot tub waitress pulled the plug on his party. Thank GOD you got a better lawyer. Can’t wait to hear the final outcome on this one. Glad to hear you wrapped yourself in some good vibes and confidence for the deposition. 🙂 Debora
Teri and Julie, I don’t know if it will make you feel better or worse but depositions are done in virtually every civil lawsuit, not just divorce cases. And the questions are almost always intrusive. For example, if you’re in a car accident and your spouse files a loss of consortium claim (inability to have marital relations due to physical disability) which is very common, you and your spouse can be questioned extensively about your sex lives during depositions. Depositions are often fishing expeditions. They throw random lines out there hoping something will bite. That’s why I always tell people to just answer the question exactly as asked and not to give long, rambling answers. To keep the fishing analogy going, that’s just rising to the bait. 🙂
I’ve never heard of loss of consortium. Only a man would come up with that. Can I file that against doc e? What about my loss of consortium due to his SA?
Julie, I’m glad it went ok. But for some reason I am really bristling on your behalf. I’ve got no legal expertise, so maybe I just don’t understand the process, but I feel protective about you being put through any kind of grilling, after everything you’ve been through. And being asked what books you’re reading just pisses me off for some reason. Don’t mind me; just in a mood, I guess. The main thing is that you got through it. Big hugs. xoxo
p.s. Debora, it made me smile to see you write ‘flummoxed.’ That was one of my English mother’s words, and for a second I felt like she was right here. 🙂 xoxo
I am glad it went better than expected Jules. Let them ask the dumbass questions, it won’t make any difference. I would have the urge to respond, “I can’t read any GD books you F’n moron!! My husband has been F’n hookers for my entire marriage and I am too stressed to F’n read! WTF part of this do you NOT grasp?”
I guess that means Daisy would not want me as a client 🙂
You did great and who cares what they asked? You answered and all they were doing was stalling/fishing anyway. I still hope he drowns in that damn hot tub. For real.
What an ordeal, Julie. It sounds like you did great. I would have used the full swear words that Bev alludes to – I’m kinda known for my foul mouth! How are any of us expected to be up on our reading (which I used to be reading 2 books at once) after the ptsd that we are living through? You are a warrior and are doing great. It must be such hell having to live in the same house with him while you wait for this to be resolved!
Thanks, ladies! Bev, God I wish I could have channeled you!!She also asked what hobbies I have. I wanted to say, breathing right at the moment. But snarkiness will get us nowhere, I suppose, when it comes to the law. 😉
Daisy, if you pop back on here, I have some more questions/concerns. I now have to go back and gather more financial information, such as the statements going back 5 years for a credit card I’ve primarily used, all of the statements for the checking and savings accounts I opened this past spring, post filing, copies, of my degrees, licenses, etc. A big pain in the ass and I think it’s basically since my husband is going through the ringer, I do too. So my concern is that, is it very likely that I will be deposed again? Ugh, I have a feeling that will be the case. And if so, I’m sure I will be asked personal questions as there are charges on my new debit card for meals for my once monthly visits to visit Brett (the new man in my life). Fortunately, they are not exhorbitant expenses. He will only let me treat to for a breakfast or something like that, and then gas money, and maybe a few personal purchases. I don’t know why I’m rambling here, except maybe I need to get it out of my system that I hate divulging my personal life, esp with Narc man in the room. But is it likely that will happen? And am I correct in thinking they are looking for outrageous expenses? Or should I just not even worry about what they are “looking for.”
Also, we have our Compliance conference in a few weeks. Can you tell me a little about what that means?
Thank you, Daisy, and if you ever need ear,hearing aid, or dance shoe advice, don’t hesitate to ask!! 😉Tell the fuckers ( that’s for Ali) that you have FINALLy met a man that can satisfy you sexually and you buy him breakfast every month or so. Tell them you had NO idea what a real penis looked like because you were accustomed to the shriveled up thing from the hot tub lagoon….
Tell them you have NO time to read or work or answer their ignorant questions because all you can do is look forward to being with a real man and wonder why you didn’t notice before that your soon to be ex was so damn gay 🙂
Sorry again…he really pisses me off 🙂
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